Reply To: What is it that I have as well as ADHD ?

[blackdog]

@hum4n

“I don’t know… maybe I’m just rreeeeeallly ADHD.”

Yup, that sums it up pretty well.

You kind of answered your own question, at least in part, in what you wrote here. The low self esteem, causing you to write, and write, and write, trying to make sure that you explain everything so people don’t misunderstand, being afraid of making a mistake, having your words taken the wrong way…..

Lets put it this way: I have spent almost all day here and I have written… one message and 4 comments, I think, in that time. And each one I read over at least 4 times before posting, editing and rearranging and adding more stuff, then taking stuff away…. And then again, after posting, reading it over and hitting the edit button every time I see a mistake, or I think of something else I need to add, or I think that I didn’t explain myself well enough…. And then I start to worry that it’s too long, that people will have trouble reading it, that I went off topic too much… and so I decide to edit again. But then I can’t figure out how to cut it down and keep what I need to say. And then I start to worry if I am saying the wrong thing. Maybe I need to take out that phrase, even though I really like it and I think it’s very clever and funny. And maybe I shouldn’t include that story about myself, maybe it shouldn’t be so personal…..

And all of this is because I am afraid to have anyone see me make a mistake. They might think I’m stupid, or accuse me of being a know-it-all, or talking about things I have no business talking about. Or they might not take me seriously, because I made so many mistakes, and they might not listen to my advice, might not think I know what I’m talking about, even though I really do….

And all of that comes from continuously being treated like I’m stupid, being laughed at, being told I didn’t know what I was talking about, or that I was being a know-it-all, or just being ignored altogether, when I was growing up.

And now I have got to go because it’s supper time and I have to figure out what I’m going to cook, because I didn’t even think about it until just now, and I don’t have time to read this over and edit it, and I don’t have time to finish it properly, I had a lot more to say, but I went on too long about this one thing and now I am just going to have to post it as is, and the thought of it is making me cringe. Because I really need you to understand me and I don’t think you will…

 

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