The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › I'm Scared › 20+ years of the same issues
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May 2, 2011 at 3:45 pm #89527
AnonymousInactiveMay 2, 2011 at 3:45 pmPost count: 14413So I am in the process of trying to get my ADHD under control after it pretty much has taken full control over my life. So a little back story before we go further.
I was first diagnosed at around 9 years old and that was pretty much when the battle began for my parents and I. They had to fight my school the whole way to the point that when I was in high school they had to get a lawyer to try and get the school to give me the help that I needed. Well they didn’t I spent much of my late teens and early twenties bouncing from job to job and never really knowing what I was doing and constantly blaming myself for all of my failures. I also went through this period with a very anti ADD attitude I looked at it as I didn’t have it and it was all just a load of crap and that the issues were all my fault and that I didn’t try hard enough and that I would never really amount to anything. so any way………
I am now 29 and in college trying to make life a little better for my wife and I. As I am trying to get help from my school I had to go get all the paper work in line which means I had to get re-tested. Well when they asked for what ever paper work I had from school my parents gave me what they still had. As I read them I became very depressed as It has been the same issues over and over and over my whole life. I have experienced the same difficulties and have always felt as if I have no friends, which was documented by the psychiatrists I saw, I have issues with math, which has been proven to me over and over again, and my reading and writing is well under par, which again has been proven through out school as I can have an A in the class but I will fail just about any paper they make me write. I am fear full that I will never get these issues under control and it my ADHD will never “work for me” as it has made my entire life a struggle. I have my analysis meeting on May 12 where I am sure I will be told all the things I already know and it will then become a “now what” type of situation. And for that question I have zero answers.
I have always felt as if I could be a very successful person I have had some serious issues with depression and have overcome some very large road blocks in my life. But I feel as if I have never reached my potential something always gets in the way and smacks me back down to a reality that I will never amount to anything.
I guess I am looking for others who have had these same issues or can at least make me feel as if I am not alone.
REPORT ABUSEMay 2, 2011 at 6:13 pm #103602
AnonymousInactiveMay 2, 2011 at 6:13 pmPost count: 14413zgjp82
You are not alone my friend. I am 48yrs young and have struggled with ADHD my whole life and I was not diagnosed with ADHD but 3 years ago. Even then I was not educated as to what I should do to manage my type of ADHD. Now that I am becoming educated I feel there is hope but it is going to be a journey of epic(lol) proportions. I have learned to move forward I am going to need to implement facets of a system that I specifically need to better manage my specific issues regarding ADHD.
I would suggest you are on the right path being on this site. Please educate yourself and yes trust me as an unbiased unknown fellow keyboarder here I know it can be a difficult and a daunting task to manage and tame this beast but there are many many resources out there to help you. Use them all. Reach and there will be hands to help you up the mountain. I strongly suggest you create a strong unbiased relationship with a ADHD therapist, ADHD psychiatrist , ADHD coach/college disability adviser that really understands your type ADHD and of course a truly supportive, unbiased, educated and neutral team of advocates that can afford support during times of crisis and can share in the successes you will achieve (this of course is family, friends or advocates of your community).
I wish you the best and please keep us informed of your progress as information sharing you will find is a key element in the success of managing ADHD.
REPORT ABUSEMay 2, 2011 at 7:30 pm #103603Hi z,
You have already taken some brave and powerful steps. You have people on your side. You are sharing your story. You have decided to get your life under control. Take a moment to see how far you have come. Congratulations!
Taking on all of ADHD at once is hard. I would like to pass on Dr. J’s advice: pick one thing. What is the biggest thing standing in your way right now? Focus on that one thing and see if there is one change you could make that would help you deal with that one challenge. Give yourself some motivation by imagining how much better your life is once you make that one change now.
On the plus side, what is one thing about you that you are thankful for? Is it your sense of humour, your ability to keep your head in stressful situations, the way you have helped others, or something else? Take a moment to realize that you are a good person and you have a lot to be thankful for. We all do.
Focus on taking a step, one step forward every day.
Bill
REPORT ABUSEMay 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm #103604
AnonymousInactiveMay 11, 2011 at 2:28 pmPost count: 14413Thank you for the support and the kind words.
My appointment is tomorrow and my Wife wanted to go to support me and so she can ask some questions which also made it a little easier. The fear, as I said, is that no matter what I do it wont work. I have lots of reasons to get this under control I feel as if my life depends on it. I cant do this two year pattern of building myself up only to hit a wall I built. I hope a medication can help me get it under control but I don’t want to be on medicine my whole life I would rather learn ways to deal with it but I am not sure that is possible as my brothers and my father have to be on medication for ever. I also would like to get the anxiety and depression under control. The thing I don’t understand is whether it is my ADHD causing this or they are problems I have as well as the ADHD. The anxiety causes me to really not be comfortable in situations where there is a lot going on and also when things are happening that I don’t like and cant change, say someones kid is acting up but I am not allowed to discipline them, will cause it to go crazy to a point where I have to shut down and just go quite and say nothing at all in order not to say the wrong thing. Also I want friends but I never seem to get along with them. I am a nice guy who is understanding and caring but I always seem to make friends with people that would rather prove to me why they are better than me or they just plain take advantage of it.
I guess its just one day at a time I am just going to have to take baby steps, cue the “What About Bob” quotes, and just take my time and get it right and understand that I will take good step and bad steps and I just have to keep my head up.
REPORT ABUSEMay 12, 2011 at 2:18 am #103605
AnonymousInactiveMay 12, 2011 at 2:18 amPost count: 14413zgjp82, I like what you wrote in your last post –‘I have to shut down and just go quiet’. It seems like a good coping technique. It is better than saying the wrong thing.
I would suggest that you do that for other situations as well. When you have a meeting or an interview, take a second to just breathe and think about your response. It is sometimes helpful to think about WHY someone is asking something. It is easier to just supply the answer, but it sometimes pays to be patient. It isn’t easy.
I find that I don’t seem to detect bad motives in others. Some people are ignorant and some are mean and they can all hurt me — especially when the subject of ADD comes up. So, I take a breath and ask myself ‘what’s really going on here?
Does your school have a counselor? Is there somebody there – or even a friend who can look over your school work? It’s okay to ask for help.
What are you going to study in school? If you are working full-time it will be hard, so you will need to stick to a strict schedule. Is that possible? I have found that a lot of people are less than understanding when I say I have to work and they reply that I can catch up later. I can’t. I have to stick to a schedule. People just don’t seem to understand that you cannot skip an evening of homework.
So maybe if you figure out how you will handle some of these problems, you will be prepared for when things get tough.
I feel for you — but if it is any encouragement at all….I was undiagnosed until I was in my forties and I managed to graduate from college. I wasn’t at the top of my class or anything, but I did it. The best thing I did for myself was to keep a schedule. I don’t know how I came to do it without knowing I had ADD, I just knew I had to go to bed at the same time, get up at the same time, work and study at set hours — and I stuck to the schedule. I missed some parties and family weekends — I felt I had to put my education first.
I wish you well. I hope you have a lot of support — you have some here. Hope it helps.
REPORT ABUSEMay 13, 2011 at 5:22 pm #103606
AnonymousInactiveMay 13, 2011 at 5:22 pmPost count: 14413First to all who have replied I want to say thank you it means a lot to hear your stories. With that said
I had my meeting on the 12th and I got some surprising results. I took my wife with me because sometimes I don’t hear exactly whats going on. Ok so I am going to skip over what we already know which is I have ADHD and Depression. But I took a psych test and the found that I have a named problem where I don’t really like having friends. Meaning I rarely let anyone in to see the real me. Which explains why I consistently push people away and real have never had any truly close friends besides my wife and one friend that I have had since 3rd grade. Also I have a major issue with internalizing things that I do or are out of control I constantly blame myself for everything and really let everything affect me. This explains a lot because I have many problems with constantly trying to make everything happy and when it doesn’t work I fall to pieces. I have now been diagnosed that I have anxiety and it really doesn’t surprise me that much just its funny that no one noticed it. The doctor was not overly helpful in my eyes I left with many questions but because he was more worried about the time we couldn’t ask that many questions. It was funny because he was a completely different person this time and it really wasn’t helpful.
So my wife and I are going to work on some other things I have an IQ of 109 but that is because of my memory and math/reading score if those where remotely normal I would be 117+ I know its just a number but that was kinda nice to hear. He mentioned OT, for my memory, which I didn’t really understand so my wife is going to talk to a friend and see if we can meet with her and see what may help. He said medication would be a good idea but then he had no suggestion of a med and said it was up to my doctor so that was pretty worthless. The high point is he is going to write a letter to my college about test taking not taking and some other help that the school may offer.
Over all I know this is the first step but its funny I thought I would feel better knowing but now it is upsetting because I feel bad that my wife has to go through this. Also I just feel more broken than anything I just feel like crying and giving up. I want it to be fixed but its not fixable its just me so what the hell am I supposed to do. I hope the medication will help some of these issues but my wife and I are going to take it one step at a time. We are going to start with ADHD meds and working on my math (8th grade) and reading (9th grade) to try and get those up a little in order to help me in school. So this is how its going to go.
Can somebody please suggest some medications that I may want to look into?
REPORT ABUSEMay 13, 2011 at 5:24 pm #103607
AnonymousInactiveMay 13, 2011 at 5:24 pmPost count: 14413Also on the whole going quite things, it is good except everyone thinks I am angry or just being a jerk they don’t understand that if I said what was in my head at that point i would be horrible. The other issue is that I don’t really mean them they are things that are problems people have but if I am under tension I say it the meanest way possible. so thats the issue with that but Its not going to change because I don’t like being mean.
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