A Gift?

[phoenixmagicgirl]

I think of my ADD as a gift because its a part of what makes me, me! When I was younger I let it define who I was in school, at home etc. It made for a lonely childhood, I’ll admit but as I’ve gotten older its helped me to come out of my shell and help me to figure out who I am and to learn that having ADD can either hold me back in life or I can met it help me. I was premature at birth, born at 24 weeks and weighed 1 pound 3 ounces. I feel very lucky and blessed to be alive. As a child I didn’t have much self confidence and that made it hard to make friends. In school I got made fun of for having a speech impediment but I went to speech therapy and its all but disappeared. I grew up in a supportive and loving home, my parents were amazing in helping me in school get what I needed to succeed. When I went to college, all three times I’ve gotten much more confident in speaking up for what I needed from my professors etc. Having ADD has shown me that just because I got it from being premature, that I shouldn’t let that stop me from going after my dreams in life!! That I can use surviving my birth and learning to deal with and cope with ky ADD through medication and support from my family and friends that there isn’t anything that I can’t do!! (cliche and cheesy but true!). I have learned to take control of my emotions and am still learning how to  use it to become more open to others in terms of communication. I’m very much an empathetic person which has made me a very good listener and friend. I’m learning to view the big picture instead of the small details. ADD has helped me to connect with people I never thought I’d connect with like my boss who has ADD as well. It’s been huge to find an adult whom I can share things with and I can come to if I need advice. Having ADD has helped me to give a different point of view when it comes to discussing something. Overall, I think ADD has helped to make me a better person, its only one part of who I am and it doesn’t define all of who I am. I know that I can let it hurt me or help me and I choose to let it help me. That’s all I have to say about that.

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[Robbo]

Great post @pheonixmagicgirl!. At first I thought it would be too hard to read because you don’t like to use paragraphs. 🙂 but the whole darn thing is practically quotable.

I like the end where you say “That’s all I have to say about that” lol. Did you use your Forest Gump voice? I’ve worked on sounding like him a couple times. I do Yoda pretty well.

Forest Gump was kindof a dumb and far fetched movie, according to dorks like the director of Pulp Fiction, and The Usual Suspects. Can’t think if his name. He’s not really a dork… IMHO. I just like to say that. It’s funny to me.

It’s a good idea not to take stuff I say very seriously. Unless I’m giving you some encouragement. If I’m doing that. Please know that I’m being very sincere.

I have always been sorta good at encouragement. I think so anyways. I never had a lot of money to spend on my own daughters education. But she managed to get an excellent education regardless. I’m guessing it’s because of (among other things, like her determination) the way I used to say “Good Answer!!!” a lot when she gave me good answers to some of my not always good questions.

I got encouraged to be happy by the dude I saw on PBS. He’s Shawn Achor. Check this out you guys!!! http://goodthinkinc.com/ I haven’t checked out this web site yet. But I really dug the thing of PBS, and he’s also easy enough to find on youtube.

Take a look, it’s encouragement to do all the little things that make happiness just plain come naturally to us.

I hope some of you guys take a look. He’s not a preacher or anything, at least not that I know of. 🙂
R-

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[phoenixmagicgirl]

@m&mswithpeanuts Your post made me laugh out loud at work…its a good thing no one was around to hear it. your Forest Gump comment had mein tears! I’ll have to check out the link you posted, sounds cool!

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[Faequine]

I fail to see it as a gift, hard to see any of the strengths or positives. Maybe there’s a lot i need to learn yet, but for now i don’t understand. Blah, 3rd post tonight, a record….. i think i’m tired. Haha.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Faequine, here’s one way it’s a gift:  ADD’ers tend to find more money on the ground.

It’s like we’re magpies, instantly attracted to anything shiny or brightly coloured.

Last year, I kept finding coins ($1, $2, and dimes), as well as a $10 bill (and another one, just a few weeks later), and a £5 note under a bench at Heathrow.

My “magpie” instinct is so finely tuned that if there’s even one rhinestone or sequin, lying on the floor in a room (even a carpeted room), I will instantly spot it.

(Ooh, sparkly!)

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[adhdwife1]

I can see and appreciate that there are some things I like about myself that can be attributed to my add (same things already mentioned), but in general it just makes me miserable. I just feel awful about it, hopeless. Left alone in my own sober mind is torture, the boredom creeps over me and literally sends me into a panic. I have so much deep rooted motivation that I can’t seem to put into action no matter how bad I want it. I’m aware of distractions but can’t help it, fall for them every time. I blurt out inappropriate, embarrassing, and/or offensive things all the time YET can’t for the life of me organize my thoughts and articulate them when it counts. I inadvertently cause and start fights all the time and look back at the blazing exploding fire like, what how in the hell did this happen.  I hate myself and talk down to myself all the time which is not fun but no one can convince me i dont deserve it. I feel completely hopeless. This is a thousand percent a curse

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[Bibliophile]

@adhdwife1
I can completely relate to most, if not everything, you are experiencing. All I can say is try to focus on a few specific items and develop habits that can counteract the negative outcome.

I have no solution for motivation other than compulsively try to get work done.

For inadvertent comments, if on the phone, mute it so you can vent and prepare your thoughts. In meetings, take notes as this is a distraction itself and can help formulate rational, less emotional responses.

I need to see things visually organized in order to deal with items so keeping lists and reminders (print or electronic) is very helpful. Enter them immediately though or else they will be forgotten.

Medication has helped me a bit, but is not the complete fix. Therapy might repair the negative self image, but not everyone (including myself) respond well to therapy.

Do not forget to deal with comorbidities, e.g. depression, anxiety, etc., as they may exacerbate the ADHD symptoms.

Take some comfort in knowing there are others suffering like you and that you are not alone in this. Identify your strengths and try to play to them. We all have these, in spite of the ADHD.

Hobbies help too. Both relax the mind and to achieve a sense of self worth through an enjoyable and self improving endeavour.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@adhdwife1, @Bibliophile is right.

The shame is such a big part of it, and so is the explosive rage.  That rage is often because (a) our emotions go from 0 to 11 in a heartbeat, and (b) because we keep bottling up our own feelings and desires in a desperate attempt not to disappoint someone by disagreeing with them.  Sooner or later, that thing’s gonna blow…and when it does, we feel way more guilty than if we’d just disagreed with them in the first place.

But the more you learn about ADHD, and how to work with it, the less of that shame you’ll feel.  And you’ll start discovering some of the nifty things about ADHD.  Things that the neuro-typicals actually envy us for having.  (Believe it or not!)

You’ll still screw up, but not as often, and it’ll be easier to pick yourself up.

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[adhdwife1]

Thank you both for the encouraging comments. And in response to comorbities – I definitely think I have one or some but can’t figure out what because I have shoved my feelings down for so long, I don’t even know how I feel. anxiety, depression, autism – maybe all 3. I was also diagnosed as primarily inattentive but I think I’m combined and also had ODD as a child/teen. Ah well Ill hopefully figure it out.

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[mulegirltx]

Larynxa,  I think you’re correct.

adhdwife1, I can relate to the not being sure what you feel. A therapist I went to 30+ years ago told me I had to stop “stuffing.” Alas, I still do that. And I just blew up this week at someone…she had been criticizing me, and a lot of what she had been saying was accurate. So I apologized and owned up to how I’d been screwing up.

but then she kept criticizing, and kept on, and finally I thought “What the?? I’ve apologized, I’ve tried to do better…” so I sent one more email explaining everything again, owning up to my part, and, because I realized I’d not been honest with myself or her about what I could and could not do, I said that and asked for time to rethink the situation (this is a work thing). she blasted me and said I am using my ADD as an excuse and if I had time to write that email, I had time to do the work thing.

I snapped. Because I own donkeys, who are well known for being wonderfully docile characters, but if threatened will come at the offender with all four hooves and teeth–at the same time!–I called it “going all longears on her.” LOL. Which made me laugh.

It didn’t make her laugh. I went more longears on her. And now I’m ignoring her for a day or two to try to reflect on what I really did/do feel here. For me, it’s been a lifelong struggle to stay aware of my own internal drive and needs.

IMO, my depression and something that wasn’t called ODD at the time but sure looked like it, are part and parcel of my ADHD inattentive type. It’s like I try so hard and disappoint people, so I try harder, and they are still disappointed, so I try even harder, but guess what? They’re still disappointed! At some point, I sink into despair. Then, later, I get really cranky about them never being satisfied and get super rebellious. Now I go longears. It really all boils down to my getting tired of trying SO hard to be someone I’m not. *sigh*

And, of course, all the reading I do on neurobiology has led me to believe strongly that kinds of minds (or, if you like, disorders) are not black and white, compartmentalized things. Human brains/minds exist along a kind of contiuum–a spectrum. And even a really recent study shows that all the conditions you mention are related in terms of brain functioning and genetic markers. In other words, I don’t find it surprising at all that we find overlap of certain characteristics among those “disorders,” because we exist at the same end of the brain spectrum. It’s our human insistence on nice, tidy little boxes that cause us confusion in trying to stuff our individual selves into labels. Hope that helps some. It helps me to remember. And reminds me I’ll always get along better with people on my end of the spectrum because they’ll be more likely to get me, and vice versa. 🙂

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Mulegirltx, whenever someone says, “ADHD is just an excuse”, I usually respond with, “Yeah, and Lou Gehrig’s is just Stephen Hawking’s excuse for why he can’t tap-dance.”

That usually shuts them up, because (a) it’s so outrageous, and (b) it’s a very accurate analogy.

 

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[mulegirltx]

I love that comeback! I’m going to remember it.

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[pigmonkey]

I ts not a gift or a curse, it simply is.  You live with it and some days its heavy and some days its heavier.  I cant imagine my life with out it.  It has been there the whole time.  I wonder if life would be any easier being one of the mouth breathers.  I doubt it.  Everyone’s problems feel real and world shattering to them, ADD or not.  You know why? Cause they are.  You are the center of your world and thus any problems you have are world shattering.  Do I think it would be easier to be genetically predisposed to having a proper brain chemistry? Probably.  However I know how to deal with my problems more or less.  Cept women, but I am not sure there is a man alive who knows how to deal with that.  My point is, the grass is always greener in the brain you aren’t in.  I would rather the devil I know than the devil I dont.

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[Scattybird]

Oh Larynxa… that is so funny….and yet it shouldn’t be really, so now I feel guilty for laughing.

But it’s an excellent repost and exactly the kind of comment I come out with at work that shocks them into the appalled looks I frequently get.  Well….no point in having an impulsive streak if we can’t use it to good effect. 🙂

I must remember that one though.

 

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[Robbo]

LOL, that’s funny! @pigmonkey

 I wonder if life would be any easier being one of the mouth breathers.

Not even all that harsh.

 

Nope

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