A quick question…

[distractedmomma]

My house is always a mess…it’s embarassing. After years of arguing with my mom about being able to take care of the family myself, I now let her help out when she’s here. Last time, she was here both my boys had GI upset. I was sooo grateful for her presence. I don’t know how I would have survived that horrible week without her help.

Anyhow, when she left, the house was much more organized and I felt so calm. I woved to keep it that way, but (as you probably already know) it never happened. I was wondering if anyone else feels better when the house is clean and organized, but also stressed at the idea of keeping it that way. Sometimes, I just feel like dumping everything in a dumpster and keeping our belongings to a bare minimum just so I can be more functionnal :S

DD

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[Wgreen]

While there may some people who thrive in complete chaos, I think most people—including ADDers—are calmer, happier, and more productive when they manage to ditch most of their clutter and organize the rest. (That goes for your brain as well as your house.) Unfortunately, ADDers generally find that VERY hard to do.

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[distractedmomma]

You brought up a good point there. I’m always afraid that people think I actually like chaos. I do have a somewhat organized chaos. If someone moves something, it throws me off. I once had a cousin visit me while in university. She was a neat freak, so she thought she’d surprise me with a quick organization of my room. She didn’t put everything away, but she did move many piles. I was so upset with her I feel bad about that. She just had no idea how my brain worked I guess….

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[ipsofacto]

I think the impulsiveness leads to clutter and the clutter becomes overwhelming. We don’t stand a chance unless we eliminate the clutter. It could also be that our lateral thinking finds a potential use for everything. Only long term experience eventually tells us the real potential for using stuff, and for most of it the answer is never.

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[distractedmomma]

My sister gave me a trick of her recently. She told me if she had to declutter quickly (for guests) she just threw the contents of the countertop in a box and put it away to go through later. I tried this, it worked well. I have completely forgotten about the contents of that box. It made me realize that I could probably live without it. Somehow though, new things have found a home on my countertop.

My mom sometimes tells me I’m starting to resemble her sister (who is a hoarder). The idea frightenes me. My aunt has been diagnosed with major depression, manic depression and now they say she has something with her frontal lobe. All this makes me wonder if she didn’t simply have ADD all along. Makes me sad. She has been fighting with doctors all her life, resisting medication as much as possible almost all her life and now I wonder if she was right to second guess everything.

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[ipsofacto]

This is a very sad part of my diagnosis, realizing that so many members of my family are (or were) ADD. Looking back at the struggles various uncles and aunts went through (and especially my father), I now see them in a whole different light. Most interesting though, is that many of them married people who also had ADD traits.

I know I will have to make some calls to cousins (who I haven’t seen since childhood), and at some point in the conversation will slip in the ADD thing. Hopefully it may help them understand their parents better, and maybe themselves.

There is an aunt, who’s son died several years ago. His whole life had been marred by addictions and failures Perhaps it will help her to know there was a medical reason for the way his life turned out and that he was in fact a fighter, showing great determination in spite of his undiagnosed disorder.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Distracted Momma, in response to your original posting… I love having a clean house. I love a clean workshop. I love a clean office.

And I rarely have them.

A couple of strategies I use are to delay going to be for 5 minutes and pick up the kitchen, do the last few dishes, and put things away. The way I motivate myself is to picture what it’ll be like, to imagine how nice it will be to come down to clean counters, closed drawers… inviting. I do it for myself, not for anyone else.

In my office, the same thing. In the afternoon, when I’m restless and need to move, I tidy a bit. Put stuff away. Clean one counter. And the biggest one… throw things out! Especially things on my computer. Decluttering my computer screen and tossing out old stuff.

And the house? When I’m watching football I get up during the commercials and pick up, tidy, etc.. And when the game is on I’ll sort a box of stuff. The game keeps me entertained while I’m doing the chores.

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[distractedmomma]

Ipsofacto and Rick, thanks for sharing your stories and tips with me

. I am still awaiting diagnosis, but what you are saying makes complete sense to me. I will be shocked if the results of the testing I did this week shows no signs of ADD!

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[kc5jck]

Rick – I stop and think . . . it will take me about sixty seconds to put these tools back if I do it now, it will take me about twenty to thirty minutes to find them next time I need them if I don’t (that’s if I’m lucky). Can you say “no brainer?”

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[kc5jck]

Another thing that may be helpful to some, when put something away, I think, “where will I look for this when I need it next time.” Things may not always be put “where they belong,” but they are usually where I go to look for them.

Still, I have a bad habit of laying things down in some random place either while I’m working or when I’m finished and waste a lot of time looking and looking and looking . . . “I just had it. It can’t possibly be more than two “light minutes” away.”

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[g.laiya]

well, i can sure relate to this issue.

on those rare occasions when i was given a gift of a housekeeper or cleaning crew, or those rare occasions the stars were aligned and my husband did a lot to clean our home and it coincided within 24 hours of me being “in the mode” to organize……wow! does it feel great to be home!

i love when my home is clean and well organized and free of clutter…and, as you can imagine those are the only times i feel comfortable inviting people to my home. but, alas, it is pretty rare.

some months ago i had horrible abdominal pain that made me want to go to er. i needed my husband to drive me but the kids were already asleep and didn’t want to wake them. i couldn’t reach my brother, so dh called his parents to come watch the kids. i was mortified, there were piles everywhere – my desk, the dirty laundry bags, toys scattered all over the place, and the kitchen a disaster….and nothing i could do. the same thing happened over a year ago…..you’d think i’d have learned……nope…..

yesterday was my son’s bday party. one of his friends mom left during the party to meet a client and said she’d be back by 5(end of our alotted time at the party place). when she wasn’t back by the time we needed to leave, i called to tell her we’d take him home with us and she could pick him up later. i didn’t want his friend to feel bad, and they wanted to play more together anyway. the only thing is, as usual, wasn’t prepared for company. i warned him it would be a mess, and apologized. when we opened the door he said “you’re right it is really messy!” lol…but it was ok…..they moved on to the kids bedroom and played, then i quickly made our bed so they could lay down and watch a movie(the end of one), and then we all went swimming…..all in all a fun evening, and i guess it wasn’t too traumatic seeing our place since he asked when he could come back next week

but it sure would be nice to not feel ashamed/embarrassed because of the usual state of our home(and my car).

it does feel so much better when everything is neat and clean….it’s just getting and keeping it that way that’s a problem……….

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[distractedmomma]

g.laiya

Your story is so much like me! I wish I could have people over and entertain, but with my inability to keep the house organized…it’s hard. I feel I’ve pushed our friends away because we rarely invite them over. Sure, having kids has something to do with it (more mess to clean up), but I’ve always been this way. When I was working, I would often run late and my husband needed to be somewhere. Let’s just say there’s nothing more motivating (when trying to finish work) then knowing your MIL might see your messy house if you don’t get there on time lol!

Man, I’m having a hard time today… I rewrote this paragraph 3 different ways and I still don’t feel like I’m saying what I want to say. I’ll leave it at that I guess. It’s just really comforting to know someone else thinks the way I do.

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[Tiddler]

We have got to a state that we can more or less manage now but it’s quite extreme –

We got rid of almost all the surfaces that accumulated junk!

I’m ruthless at throwing things away now too.

Flylady techniques helped – although I’m not a 10mins at a time kind of person, I have done the fling boogies – and importantly tied up the bags after I’d finished and never looked back in them.

The bedroom is never tidy and the kids’ room is difficult too but the rest of the house is okay most of the time. I used to be horrified when anyone dropped by unannounced.

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