ADD and marriage. Something to think about.

[Tiddler]

I’ve got ADHD. It’s screwed up a lot of things for me. It has made my life very hard. So what? Does that mean I can’t have a good marriage? Does that mean I am worth less than someone else? I don’t expect people with the same traits and problems to come at me with talk of ‘stepping aside’ to let someone more worthy be with my husband.

Here’s what my husband had to say about me. He didn’t know about this thread when he wrote it:

From my husband:

I’m not very good at this kind of stuff. I don’t really know what to say.

We’ve been married for 10 years. I can’t imagine being with anybody else. I feel like we’ve both really grown. We compliment each other really well and we understand each other really well. We’ve enabled each other to grow immeasurably.

She’s very caring and honest and loyal. She’s funny and a wonderful mother. She’s forthright with her opinions and has a lot of strength. She’s good at ‘feelings’! She’s very understanding of me and the things that I find hard. (I’m an aspie.) For example, she was very understanding of me wanting to leave work when I hated it, despite the fact that it meant a serious drop in our income. She understands that I need my own space and that I find it hard to socialise and don’t want to socialise.

What was hard was trying to understand what seemed like very irrational behaviour, like I couldn’t square up her high standards of behaviour and her incredibly low standards for tidiness! I think it’s fair to say she would occasionally have very strong emotional outburst which is the complete opposite to me, so I found that quite hard to deal with. And she seemed to change her mind a lot and contradict herself a lot. Even though I knew from how we spoke, she was clearly intelligent – very intelligent – and a committed professional, she could have the appearance of being disorganised, slipshod and lazy, which I couldn’t understand but I knew it wasn’t really her.

I am fairly sure at one point I suggested she might have ADHD but I was being flippant. It took a few years for her to get the diagnosis. These things didn’t really matter because above all the chaos she has a good heart. I feel very lucky.

The slow realisation that there was a reason for the chaos and that it could be dealt with and then the realisation that it was ADHD and then the diagnosis has helped to vastly reduce the amount of stress in the family. It’s hard when you don’t know what’s going on. I used to think I didn’t make her happy. Her mind was never on things so I thought she was really sad, but it’s just because her mind DOESN’T stay on things! Knowing that has made a big difference because it’s removed any nagging doubt that things wouldn’t work out okay.

Now there’s still chaos and that’s probably as much because we’re all in a state of flux. I’m building a business. We’ve got 2 small home schooled children and it IS chaotic, but I really think we’ve worked around the ADHD so much that it seems like a small factor in the chaos. I feel that the stresses and strains we have are normal ones now. I stand by the motto ‘we can handle it’.

She is able to give me an emotional link to society and people that I would have let slip without her. She supports me with everything. She’s wonderfully supportive. I can’t imagine anyone else tolerating the decisions I make! I know she loves me unconditionally and I love her unconditionally.

I’m very proud of her and what she’s achieved, especially given how many hurdles have been thrown at her during her life. I know she’s had a difficult life in lots of ways and I know she appreciates what we have now. I like that she still has ambitions.

Also, I don’t know how she got all that out of me. But here it is.

So, me again. You tell me I don’t deserve to be married or that he deserves someone ‘better’.

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[keasha]

I’m 32 and have always wanted kids. I met what I thought of, an amazing man and after 2 months I got pregnant. I found out that this man was seeing another woman. This so much hurt me becos he has become every part of me, And i just cant lose him to another woman. So i went in search of every possible solution, Then a coworker knew i was passing through emotional stress because i cry at every corner. My coworker advice me to meet a spell lady who once helped her bring her lover back. the spell lady’s name and email was Priestess Ifaa, and priestessifaa@yahoo.com respectively, I contacted her and she told me everything would be fine, I was so desperate to have the father of my child back and  i gave every request she needed to cast the spell, And in just 2 days later, My lover confessed his deeds and apologize never to any of such. The spell lady did the spell that makes my lover and they other woman hate each other. I am so grateful for assuring me of my marriage, because now am confident that me and only have my man..

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[Patte Rosebank]

REPORTED AS SPAM.

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[Wgreen]

Thank you.

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[Author]

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