Add mom needs coping techniques

[Sunshine1980]

Hi,
I’m 34, a new mom with ADHD inattentive type. I have a 7 month old son and now seem to suffer anxiety attacks when I’m out at an over stimulating environment. such as mommy groups with lots of people or birthday parties. I just feel the need to leave and go home. I don’t want my son to freak out or me to shut down. I find I can’t handle when there is so much going on around me and taking care of my son. It’s hard to focus and try to have conversations let alone keep an eye on my son. I want to be able to cope and get out of the house as I feel like I’m going insane, but when I get out of the house all I want to do is go home? Any thoughts or suggestions? Anything would be helpful at this point! Thanks!

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[helenboll]

I know the feeling of your home being the only secure place! Maybe that is it for you as well. Now that you have a baby to protect, all your energy goes into that task and you can’t deal with people and stuff. Not sure how to get over that, except go out really prepared, maybe bring the father or another family member with you when you go out? Start small and up the ante when you feel ready.

Hope this passes soon! I think it will!

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Sunshine1980, it sounds like you might be an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person).

We HSPs are much more sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, tastes, textures, emotions, and situations. Our senses are so finely tuned that sometimes, we even seem to be psychic!

HSP occurs more often in ADDers than in the general population, so it’s worth looking into.

Elaine Aron is the top expert on HSP. Here’s her website: http://www.hsperson.com/ .

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[blackdog]

@Sunshine1980

Hi, welcome to the forums. 🙂

I don’t have children, so I can’t offer any specific advice. Hopefully some of the other parents here can comment and give you some ideas about how to cope with parenthood.

I do take care of my elderly mother and I get the same sense of overwhelm when I am out with her sometimes. It’s just so hard to coordinate, to make sure I am watching her and everything else that is going on at the same time.

One thing I do is plan very carefully. I pretty much clear a whole day just to take her to the doctor. And I go over it all in my head, or even write it out, the night before, step by step.

And stay calm. Just take a deep breath and take it one step at a time. Simplify, minimize the amount of stuff you have to focus on if you can.  And in those group situations, try focusing on just one person you can hold a conversation with.

If you have to take a little longer to do something, or ask someone to repeat what they said, or take a break and go sit somewhere quiet for a bit, or ask a friend to help you help you out, go ahead and do it. If you have to leave and go home, do that, unless you really want to stay.

Part of the reason you are finding it so hard too might be that your brain chemistry and hormone levels have changed. If you take medication, it may need to be adjusted. I think it might not hurt to talk to your doctor about how you feel and see if there is anything he/she can recommend that might help. Also, if you can afford it, a few sessions with a coach could be helpful, just to give you someone to talk to who will understand and be able to help you work out solutions.

And remember, no one is perfect. Everyone feels overwhelmed when they become a parent and everyone makes mistakes. So go easy on yourself.

 

 

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[Sunshine1980]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the advice! I’m going to look into getting back with my coach and try to make some lists (as I love lists!) to reassure myself that I have everything and that I’m ok!
@Lrynxa Thanks for the link! I also saw a previous post from yourself on another forum and ordered the Highly Sensitive Person Workbook. Anything to help is good in my book! Such a learning experience this all is!

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[theresalynn]

I can relate to being a mom with AD(H)D inattentive – it is very challenging.  I have 5 kids – very close in age and was drowning for many years.  I was not diagnosed until very recently – with 4 teenagers and a 7 year old.  The diagnosis explained a lot! I developed my own coping skills when they were babies and the main one was to stick to a schedule of sleeping.  Naps were guarded time for me – no appointments, no visitors.  I used that time to try to get my battery recharged back from 0 to at least 15 or 20 to get through the rest of the day!  And bedtime was firmly set at 8pm for all!  I just couldn’t deal with little kids still being awake at 11pm!  This is just one thing among many, but it made a difference for me.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Scheduling & structure are really important.

My mom (who wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 75) was a teacher, before I was born, so she knew how to plan & schedule a day. She also knew that kids need to be kept busy, to keep them out of trouble.

My brother & I went to a really crummy school, so Mom decided to schedule something for us after school, every day, to keep us too busy to get into trouble like all the other kids. Even our weekends had some scheduled regular activity.

All this scheduling did keep us out of trouble, but we really wished we could have had more time to ourselves, instead of having to rush home for piano/singing/skating/ballet/tap/jazz/folk-dancing lessons.

We also wished that she’d asked us what we wanted to do, instead of choosing for us, and forcing us to do it long after we’d lost any interest we might have had in it. (Parents, take note!)

But the things my brother & I chose for ourselves, because they were so interesting, are things that we still love doing today.

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[g.laiya]

i can relate to everything you said, and it all intensified with my second child, because it was,and is, almost always just me with the 2 kids. i had to stop going to the park and outdoor play areas with them because it was just too stressful all that activity and commotion and trying to keep track of both kids. even when it was just one child, but my parents were there and my mother was vying for attention and trying to converse with me, it would make me stressed and crazy.
what i found was great for me and the kids was indoor playgrounds like “under the sea”. there is only one way in and out, and not busy/loud/chaotic like chuck e cheese(hate that place, but kids love it – i let the grandparents take them there)
anyway, in that calmer environment i can relax and enjoy while the kids play, and can get involved playing too or sit and enjoy watching them. just be sure to pack your diaper bag/day bag well with whatever you need- pull ups,wipes,extra change of clothes, food/snacks/water/drinks, etc – i’m sure you can make a great list for that so you can check things off before you go 😉

also, if you are in a situation like a party and feeling overwhelmed by the noise etc, a great break – and a good thing to do anyway – is to grab your kid for a potty break. at that age they forget to go or put off going to the bathroom because they don’t want to stop playing, often to the point of it being too late. so it’s a good excuse to momentarily escape. and while you’re there, you can dab on some chamomile and lavender essential oils. i still do that, especially in large crowd situations.

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[g.laiya]

just a note – sorry i just re-read op to see if i addressed your question as i’m being to get very foggy. for some reason i was thinking you had a 3 year old. anyway, basically you can get the gist of what i was saying i think, just the indoor playgrounds may be a few more months away – or maybe you’ll find ones geared for younger kids too. the ones i’ve been to have some areas for kids around 1 year old, but most of the areas are really for the kids already running/jumping/climbing more or less independently.

and if your lo is still in diapers that’s even better – to go do diaper changes periodically and get a break from the rest. and if your child seems a little cranky or needs a nap, nothing wrong with going out for a stroll to calm her(and you!) or help her nap. 🙂

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