Addicted to Chaos

[Anonymous]

Hi There

My name is Robert, I am writing to you as a last resort. I have searched and searched for someone in Edmonton, Alberta who can diagnose if I am ADD or not?

I was diagnosed as a child (10 years old) and was put on Ritalin. For some reason I rejected the idea of ADD and thought it was just a lack of discipline, went off the meds and just lived my life the best way I knew possible. Fast forward 16 years to now…

I am 26 years old and feel I have reached the edge. So far I have had 33 jobs (only fired twice) and have moved apartments 19 times in the last 8 years. I am always getting board and need change all the time. In the last 6 years I have had 5 girlfriends. These girls fell in love with me because of my “life of the party” personality, but all later left me because they could not stand the 24/7 intensity I live with. I am constantly in physical motion. I can sit through a movie, but I twitch and move the whole time. I am addicted to food, smoking and have had a few scares with gambling. I am over weight and not healthy. I am terrible with money and have ruined my credit as well. I have bad insomnia, and can’t fall asleep without a radio or TV on.

Needless to say, I am a mess. Recently my uncle died due to complications with alcohol abuse. That’s a nice way to say he drank himself to death. Growing up I was constantly told “you are just like your uncle”. We had the same humor, personality and even laughed the same. Although, I do not feel I have any issues with alcohol, I feel I am going down the same path with this addiction to “Chaos”. Plain and simple, I am scared. I have tried over and over to exercise, quit smoking, eat right and focus…but all have ended up in failure.

If there is anything you can recommend I would be forever grateful. If there is a doctor you can recommend in my area that would be amazing!

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[Anonymous]

Robert, I’m in NY, so can’t help on the doctor referral, but I sympathize. I never knew my grandfather because he died of cirrhosis as well. He was a hero in WWII–in Italy and in the Pacific. But he just couldn’t adjust when he came back. My brother had a terrible gambling addiction that he’s still digging his way out of. You’re not alone, so hang in there.

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[Anonymous]

Robert, I can’t help you with a referral in your area but I can tell you the route I went through when I ‘bottomed out’. Do you have any sort of Employee Assistance Program through your job at all? I would check with human resources and see if you have any options as far as that goes. I was at the end of my rope and felt utterly hopeless. There was a “Call for Mental Health” number on the back of my insurance card, but what good would that do? I knew that if I started with EAP, they could refer me on to the appropriate doctors and since they were affiliated with my job, they could find someone who took my insurance.

I would also suggest checking the internet for mental health facilities in your area and see if people have ‘rated the doc’ or talked about their experiences. Finding a good doctor anywhere can be hit or miss, but sooner or later you get what you’re looking for. We have a site here called “ADAMH” which deals with mental health and addiction, it’s an all inclusive site that had a ton of resources, perhaps you have something like that???

Also, if you have a family doctor you see, ask them for any sort of referrals or suggestions.

It can be a process. When the psychiatrist I was seeing stopped taking my insurance, and I had to try and find another physician, I made close to 2 dozen phone calls until I found another doc, but it was well worth the hard work and frustration.

I can tell you that the fact that you are so completely honest about what’s going on with you is such an important first step. I think that for so much of our lives, we have learned to ‘disguise’ or hide our issues behind gregarious personalities and our penchant for drama and chaos that we can’t begin to change until it all comes crashing down around us.

Keep an open mind and realize that any diagnosis that you get, scary as it may sound, it a step on a path of wellbeing. It’s probably not that you ‘love’ chaos or are addicted to it, it’s probably the fact that you’ve survived in it for as long as you have. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome…

Good luck. Keep us posted!

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[Anonymous]

Thank you both! I emailed a very nice doctor in Toronto and she found me a doctor here in Edmonton! I need to find a Family GP to get a referral, but that will be easy. The only negative, is the specialist here booking into January 2012. But just knowing the appointments coming, makes me so hopeful!

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[Anonymous]

I have sympathy. I was taking Ritalin to get through college. But after college, I stopped taking medicine. It was hard for the few years I was off. I then return to medicine and now am felling better. I am not saying medicine in the answer but being informed might give you a chance to make some healthy changes.

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[Curlymoe115]

Go to the University Hospital and ask to speak to one of their Psychiatrists. I would recommend Dr. LeMelledo because he is a University Professor and the Director of the Brain Neurobiology ‘Research Program.

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