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“1. How has ADD effected my relationships over the years)”
I’m 45 (diagnosed at 8 but only sporadically and unsuccessfully medicated for it). Socially, I was always a ‘later-bloomer’. It’s been said that children with ADD/ADHD tend to be a little behind the curve (I believe it’s been estimated at 30% less mature than kids their own age). That was very true for me and I believe it affected my relationships with my peers profoundly. I think that feeds into the social awkwardness that seems to go hand in hand with ADD/ADHD. As was mentioned in another thread I felt perpetually ‘behind the curve’ compared to other people my age, even into adulthood. I still do not feel “caught up” so to say. I never had a large circle of friends at any given time (still don’t really).
In terms of more intimate relationships- Frankly, I didn’t even START dating until I was 19. Throughout the majority of my 20’s, I had a hard time maintaining long-term relationships (I was typically the one that got “dumped”). I don’t think it was because I was a bad person, I think it was because of my social immaturity and I think the women in these cases just didn’t want to deal with that.
Eventually- I did meet someone who accepted me as I was and believed in my potential. We eventually were married (Still are) and we have two wonderful children.
2. How ” ” ” ” self-esteem ” ” ” “
That’s a tough one. By the time I was 27 years old, my self-esteem had been utterly destroyed and flushed down the toilet. I was profoundly depressed (and had been, I later realized, for most of my life) because I felt like a complete failure (even my own brother, though I KNOW he wasn’t doing this to be mean or cruel in any way started jokingly referring to me as ‘Uncle Buck’- as in the movie character made famous by the late, great John Candy). It was about that time a friend of my mom’s laid a book on me about ADHD in adults (it was written about the time that the idea that ADD/ADHD can persist well into adulthood was starting to get some steam and gaining more widespread acceptance among professionals). I read the book cover to cover (twice) and it was as if someone had lifted a veil from over my eyes. What I read in this book- it was as if someone had followed me around and wrote a book about me.
My first step in trying to put my life back together was that I sought psychiatric help to deal with the depression that I had had since childhood (as I was working in a very low-paying job at the time I contacted my local MHMR and was connected with a Dr. who specialized in working with adults with learning disorders and I was billed on a sliding scale). Treating the depression really helped and it put me on another level of life I had never experienced. The meds chosen to treat the depression were also used to treat the ADHD symptoms- however, I chose to discontinue them after a time because their effectiveness for treating the ADD/ADHD seemed to sputter out. Since that time, I have not re-tried medication (though I have considered this lately and will probably discuss this with my physician on my next annual physical).
I am like you- it bothers me that I feel that I have so little personal control over my “behavioral patterns/thinking patterns” and God knows I try to take as much personal responsibility for those things as I can by not using my struggle with ADHD as a crutch or an “excuse” for bad or improper behavior. I just want others to understand and understand me. It’s like when my wife has PMS. I know she has a very difficult time controlling her emotions as well as some of her behavior during those few days…Therefore, knowing this, I do my best to understand and know that she’s not doing this on purpose.
Long story short- I don’t know how well I addressed your second question, but I will wrap it up by saying- it’s a struggle sometimes. I work on setting realistic goals for myself and I reward myself for achieving them. I TRY not to dwell too much on my past. I’ve just had to learn to live in the present and appreciate what I have now (honestly, I’m still trying to fine tune that one). I hope I’ve helped.
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ADD's effect on relationshipsdinomike2010-12-31T02:30:06+00:00
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