Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums For The Non-ADD Relationships ADHD Affecting Relationships & Jobs

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  • Anonymous
    #88493 |

    So I’ve always had problems with relationships (friends and co-workers and stuff). I don’t consider myself to have any real friends, because I’ve never had a friend for very long. Some people seem to like me OK at first, but then after they’ve known me for a while (2 years at the most usually), they start to hate me. I don’t even bother getting close to people anymore, because I can’t even expect any friendship to last.

    And I’ve never been able to keep a job more than a couple of years either, and I think it’s because co-workers & bosses are the same. They all just start to hate me after a while.

    I could never figure out why everyone hates me, but now I’m wondering if this is an ADHD thing? I get distracted when people talk and I don’t catch everything they say. I sometimes finish people’s sentences for them, and I interrupt them sometimes. I also talk too much (because people have always told me that I talk too much and I should shut up and write a book instead). I also fidget. I can’t sit still and look at someone and not fidget or draw or something. I just started thinking that maybe these are some of the reasons why people hate me.

    Has anyone else here had similar problems?

    #94946 |

    Miss Placed… They don’t hate you. Unless they look you in the face and say they do. If they do then it’s their issue. And I’m sure no one here hates you.

    I’ve always found the friend thing had to keep going too. I think it has to do with our concept of time and how we prioritize things. I seem to drift away from friends and family. Just don’t really notice it.

    Or maybe it’s just we don’t click in to social queues or sometimes we focus on on we do pickup too much. Just keep your family close and make sure the good friends know what you’re about and know what ADD really is.

    #94947 |

    I notice that I will interupt people in the middle of their sentences. and I hear half the things people say and theyll need to repeat it like 2 or 3 times.I honestly will end up telling my friends about my ADHD, so I try to find people that are strong willed and not easily persuaded, as well as making sure they are hopefully not judgemental. Then once I get to know them really well, then I will tell them in hope that they dont think Im some retard in their eyes.

    #94948 |

    Miss Placed – Wow! The same goes for me. When I start working at a new place, at first everyone is friendly. Then after a year or so, they kinda look me as though they think I got somekind of a problem. Over the next year or two, I get the feeling that I bother them. They dislike me. Then I feel as though I’m pushed to leave in a subtle way. It was very obvious though in my last place. I’ve never been in an office for more than 5 years up to now. At my actual workplace, it started that way too but then I found out about my ADD and began having anxiety attacks. I guess that got me some sympathy and maybe some understanding. At least, the people concerned by my health knew and really understood. I told a lot of other people. I don’t keep it a secret. I’ve been there for 7 years now and don’t feel pushed out. That’s nice.

    As for friends. I haven’t had any since my childhood. For personnal reasons and because of ADD, I chose to isolate myself. When someone tries to befriend me, I try to respond to that but after a while I feel as though I’m considered as immature or something. Anyway, having friends is just a lot of bother. You need to go places with them, keep in contact… I have a problem getting around, I need to draw myselp little maps, figure the transport and take notes. Plan, plan, plan! 🙄 I’m not good at keeping in contact.

    But when you are understood, even helped, it feels so good! If you have someone you trust at work or in your personnal life, tell them. It’s worth the effort to maintain a friendship. :-)

    #94949 |

    I must confess that as a result of my lifelong trials and tribulations with ADHD, I’ve developed a hatred for myself.

    Which means that if I can’t find myself to be likable, then I automatically assume that no one else is going to find anything worth liking in me either.

    In other words, until I can finally accept myself as who I am and REALLY find myself to be worthwhile, I may never grow to accept those feelings from others.

    #94951 |

    Wow, it’s one of those embarrassing aspects of who we are isn’t it? I find it difficult to keep in touch with people too, and I’ve become more reclusive and isolated as I’ve aged. People just perceive me as being very immature and irresponsible, and a bit ‘kooky’. It takes a toll over the years, and even though I am very resilient I do find it hurtful to be looked upon as some kind of retard, or freak. I stopped going to parties after getting into too many fights with people over something that I’d blurted out, and I’ve had so many problems with management at almost every gulag I’ve been exploited in that I’d begun to think that I have issues with ‘authority’ . Having been accused of ‘insubordination’ so many times it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that I’ll become a troublemaker wherever I work. Sheesh, at one place that I worked I even got a verbal warning of dismissal if I made another Chewbacca noise! The big ‘eeeeeuuuurrrrggggghhhhhhhhh’ ….I used to like having friends, and it’s only been recently when I’ve realised that I’ve been using the internet as my conduit for social interaction! I have just joined a support group for ADHD so I’m hoping to make some friends there :D

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