ADHD and ODD in Adulthood?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t seen this mentioned here yet, but maybe I just haven’t dug deep enough.

Although I am awaiting the date of my dr. appt. for official diagnosis, I know that I am ADHD and have been all my life. Since I have felt the click of that puzzle piece falling into place, I have been reading voraciously on various forums and informational/educational sites and in various books and scientific papers in order to educate myself and do a little DIY treatment in the meantime.

I have, of course, discovered along the way what my potential comorbid conditions are. I am pretty sure of a tendency toward OCD, but there was something else that was only mentioned in a few places, and supposedly is/was only mostly considered in children/teens: Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or ODD.

Everything mentioned that once an ODD child reached adulthood and still had this disorder, it would morph into Antisocial Personality Disorder or Conduct Disorder, both of which entail some pretty extreme, violent behavior and lack of conscience. Only one seemed to really imply that untreated ODD would just remain ODD into adulthood, presenting the same behavior all the way through without becoming sociopathic or psychotic.

I say this because I am 100% POSITIVE that I am also ODD as an adult. I don’t fit the other above-mentioned descriptions, but ODD fits perfectly. I have way too much of a conscience to ever consider cold-blooded murder, and although I am somewhat antisocial, I am definitely not psychotic. It manifests itself as an uncontrollable need to contradict, argue with or defy any person perceived as an authority figure who takes it upon themselves to try to control me in any way. Parents, teachers, supervisors/bosses.

I have always bristled with inner burning rage at anyone who tried to control me in any way, especially if this included correcting me when I made mistakes or screwed up in any way. Even if I knew I was totally in the wrong, I would argue till I was red in the face with rage and wishing painful, bloody injury on whoever I was arguing with.

But I wouldn’t actually act on it, and afterwards always felt like an idiot for feeling and thinking that way. But it is uncontrollable, and it just explodes inside me in a split second when it happens. If my current supervisor makes a certain clucking sound that she ALWAYS makes (annoyingly) when she’s about to tell me I did something wrong again, it’s like someone has flicked a switch and I want to just totally go off on her and tell her to F?@! off and die, and that she’s an effing naive moron. And then I find myself arguing just for the sake of contradicting her. Even if she’s right.

Anyone else? Or am I really in psycho denial? This is a weekly, if not daily, occurrence, not just with her.

Note my handle – DvlsAdv0c8. 😈

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[Scattybird]

I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes wonder if I have ODD but I don’t think I do. I do ‘see red’ if my line manager orders me around. I had a really nasty line manager who had serious issues and I don’t know if it’s a throw back from that.

That clucking sound you mention – my psycho-boss used to give a sharp intake of breath sound before I ‘copped it’ from her. Unfortunately I did tell her to F-off once but fortunately her boss told her the same thing so she did. It was all quite nasty.

My current line manager is very careful with me. He knows I’m touchy and puts it down to my experience with the b*t*h from hell boss but I sometimes wonder if it’s more than that.

I was never defiant with my Mother – or with reasonable line managers who treat me on an equal footing. But the ones that are completely power crazed and/or rude make me very defiant indeed.

Maybe I just like being treated with respect and if I am I reciprocate. If not, then the ODD tendencies appear. But I don’t think it’s ODD so much as hating not being in control.

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[SqaurePeg61]

I don’t think I ever had ODD growing up but now that I’m an adult, I believe I have a healthy case of it, if it’s possible to develop ODD as an adult. As DvlsAdv0c8 said, I have “an uncontrollable need to contradict, argue with or defy any person perceived as an authority figure who takes it upon themselves to try to control me in any way.” I get very angry whenever someone tries to control or correct me in any way. It’s not just efforts to control me by so-called “authority figures” that I find objectionable. I also don’t like to be around anyone who is being controlled in any way.

DvlsAdv0c8 and Scattybird mentioned noises by authority figures as means of correction. I had my own experience with that. My father was killed in an accident when I was two years old and my mother remarried when I was nine. When I was growing up, my stepfather would never tell me when he thought I did or said something wrong. His preferred method of communication in those instances was, instead, unnecessary throat clearing. Often, I didn’t think I had done anything objectionable for him to object to and any efforts to discuss these situations with him just led to more vociferous unnecessary throat clearing. As a result, I developed a real paranoia/anger around throat clearing, whether it’s necessary or not. Anyone think I need a therapist yet?

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[Anonymous]

SqaurePeg61, in my readings I did see some vague references to “adult onset” ADHD and ODD. I guess I need to find those references for you…can’t remember which site that was.

It’s definitely compulsive – and like you with your stepfather, it sure seems to attach itself to those who have a horrible method of correction delivery. Maybe that’s part of it. I remember always telling my mother as a teenager “It’s all in the delivery, mom!” My supervisor’s cluck is frequent enough that I have to grab the edge of the desk for a second just to calm down.

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