all the damn monkeys

[pigmonkey]

ya, I don’t get people, but I do.  That is the bit that is really confusing.  I can watch some one, listen to their words, tone of voice, body language and intonation and have a really really really good idea of what makes them tick.  It takes me about ten min max.  But interaction is generally reserved for the most people who are the most hardy of spirit.  I am direct, or at least I think I am.  I have been told I have all the tact of a thermonuclear warhead.  I try, but I am bad at it.  The friend ships I do form tend to be strong ones, people who can stomach and even appreciate what I see and intuit.  I have never had a lasting relationship with a woman.  It is kind of hard not to take that as a failing.  40 years an never had a valentines day, it probably sounds less pathetic than it feels.  Its the hollow feeling that is the worst, empty in your chest, you want to vomit all the time.  Feels like your soul was just rendered void.  That is the hardest to push through.  Those are the darkest times. If you feel like that you arent alone, it hurts, I know, but it hasn’t always been that way, and if it changed to feel that way it can change back.  Its hard, and lonely, but that is life, if it was easy everyone would live it.

But I am not broken. just different. so bite me.

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[blackdog]

@pigmonkey

I get what you’re saying. I always know what makes people tick too. I see right through their phoney facades, all the flattery, butt kissing, fake friendliness.  I always know when they are up to something, when they can’t be trusted. And I can always tell the ones who are really good people, which is usually the ones everyone else doesn’t like and doesn’t think much of. But knowing all of this doesn’t seem to help me communicate with them. Or stop falling for their tricks and getting burned.

“All the tact of a nuclear warhead” could be used to describe me as well. I start off being tactful, trying to figure out what it is I am expected to say and do. But it never lasts long. I get frustrated or annoyed or just blurt something out without thinking. And I can’t contain myself when I really, really disagree with someone. Usually it’s big issues, like human rights and justice, or the environment, or parenting and children, that really get my hackles up. I can not tolerate rudeness, intolerance and ignorance, even in myself. I truly feel bad if I make assumptions about a person or group of people and later realize I was wrong. Which is why I like people to be straightforward with me. Just tell me honestly if I have done something to offend you. I can’t promise it will change the way I think or feel, but at least I will know that it caused offence and I can try to correct the situation. Unless, of course, the other person is the one who is wrong. 😉

As for the relationships…..I never had a date until I was 30. And I’ve been stuck with that date for 10 years now due to my inability to say no. So don’t worry so much about finding a lasting relationship. Focus more on finding the right lasting relationship. 🙂

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