And you may ask yourself…well..How did I get here?

[quizzical]

I think it’s reasonable to say everyone will ask “Why am I here?” now and then. And sometimes we are actually asking the Big Version – what is my divine purpose?

But 99% of the time, usually it’s just Why did I go upstairs? Why did I come downstairs? Here I am, in the bedroom, there I am in the closet. If you need me, just look for the nearest open door; I’ll be there, hand on the knob, question marks hanging in the air, white noise pouring out.

Hi, it’s Quizzical, and I’m still here!

Haven’t visited much lately. It seems I only come around Totally ADD when I have a problem I want to vent about or some genius idea I want to share with the world. I’d like to be a better person – the kind who responds to topics rather than endlessly generating them – but I can’t seem to find the time.

Summer approaches, though, and since my job has summers off, perhaps I’ll come around more often.

Now back to my genius insight. 🙂

This open-door-and-erase-mind happened to me for the ten millionth time the other day, but out of the blue I resisted doing the same-old whatisWRONGwithme chant.

Instead I simply stared back at the closet I had opened and cast myself as my own personal Sherlock, standing just off to the side of myself, this me wearing a deerslayer hat and dispassionate expression, both of us now staring into that closet.

Sherlock-Me then asked, “If I were coming to the closet where I keep all my cleaning supplies, what would be the most logical reason? Hmmm…I must have been cleaning something. Where did I come from? The bathroom. What do I clean in the bathroom? Tubs, mirrors…the mirror – I said the mirror was all flecky…”

OK, maybe it didn’t go on quite that long, but that’s the gist. Lately I’ve done this a few times, either when I forgot why I went somewhere or if I’ve misplaced something, and it really helps. Something about posing the question as a puzzle takes the negativity out of it, impersonalizes it, makes the moment when I arrive at the answer a fun little a-HA! I’m a genius, I can outwit anyone, even Fuzzy Me!

And best of all, I arrive at the answer while I’m still there in the closet, rather than when I arrive back in the bathroom with a “you DOPE, it was the vinegar spray!”

Or maybe it’s just that I love watching those Sherlock shows with Benedict Cumberbatch… 🙂

All this reminds me that I had a good friend in high school who used to call me Sherlock. It was, of course, totally tongue-in-cheek, but said with affection. We were both smart, but she was fast on her mental feet – impressively, overwhelmingly so. She was the true Sherlock, and I was terribly jealous of her ability to grab thoughts at a moment’s notice when I was always PROCESSING: PLEASE WAIT. But I like to remember, when I sometimes doubt my ADD diagnosis, or start thinking I somehow sold my doctor a bill of goods, that there were some folks who saw something there all along.

REPORT ABUSE

[justinwilliam87]

I like that, as i sort of do something similar. Maybe not so creative as having Sherlock with me. I realised a while back that i really don’t listen to people as much as i should though i do pick up bits and pieces of what is said to then form my own investigation as to what I was required to do. Like having a list of instructions on paper with a fair bit of text missing. And THEN! Pull out that pipe and tweed coat to figure the rest out myself. Works most of the time. Or does it, I’m sure my partner would like to disagree. Selective hearing she calls it.

Anyhow, I guess its easy to say “Goddamn, I’ve forgotten what i was doing! D#&khead”.

Totally lost what i was gonna say there but I just had this thought, I have been called hyperactive a lot in my life and wonder whether ( There is a PeeWee bird attacking the glass door right now) it is a symptom or whether i have encouraged myself into this as i seem to make up for my forgetfullness as i am screaming around doing tasks so fast that i have a sort of “Hunter Vision” where all i have to do is look around and immediately see what i was/ have to do. I really believe i have relied on this to get me so far in my job, that i can just take a quick look and come to the same conclusions or better ones in a split second. Gone, damn you PeeWee. Next task! What have i done? Who cares I’m doing stuff don’t talk to me, oh I’m sorry you wanted to talk about the Vietnam War? Sure nothing else matters now, lets talk. . . . . . 1hr later. . . . . And that’s why i believe that dogs are awesome.

Hope you don’t mind my directionless reply.

Anyway, I better wrap this up

 

 

REPORT ABUSE

[quizzical]

Hunter Vision…I like that. Makes all kinds of sense to me. I’m actually an Inattentive Type ADDer and I’ve been quite UNhyperactive all my life. But after my diagnosis I started deliberately adding movement to my tasks to keep me on track.

Example: I used to grocery-shop by slowly going up and down every aisle of the store, no matter what was on my list. Just to see if there was Stuff I Forgot to Put on the List, Stuff on Sale, Random Cool Stuff, you get the idea.

One day I decided to simply beeline right to each item as it appeared on my list, even if Item 1 and Item 2 items were at opposite ends of the store, and Item 3 back at where I started. I ended up covering a lot more distance, but I finished my shopping in half the time. So for me, motion does work, although it’s still a struggle to initiate the process.

Might be why that old “retrace your footsteps” strategy when I lose things has actually worked for me as well. Sometimes I’ll combine that with the Sherlock thing – only silently, because I know it’s a bit silly – but I’ll walk along and narrate my way through the clues. Here’s a real example from only yesterday:

Lost book; why isn’t it on the couch? The game is afoot! “You got up to make dinner, but then you decided to open the windows; it was a beautiful day, you’d been lying on the couch, reading, but now it’s dinnertime; you need fresh air for energy for the task ahead…Naturally, you would choose the route that took you along the most windows between the couch and the kitchen…

And that window there was particularly sticky; you had to climb a chair – ”

And there’s the lost book, next to the open window.

Elementary, my dear Watson!

REPORT ABUSE

[angelicdemon]

For me I’ve never called being able to see every little tiny detail hunter vision.For me that hyper focus makes me think of a cat when it’s in crazy playful mode.Also the type of ADD/ADHD I have is a combine of like every symptom you read saying that comes with either.Hyper,Inattentive,learning problem,ect.

OMG YES about the enter a room or door and it’s like that door wiped ur memory clean.What I normally do is just stand there thinking,”Ok I was going to do something in here but wat.”Then I just stand there untill either I remember or come up with nothing.Then I just say,”Oh well,”then turn around and go back to where I was.Sometimes I get an idea on the walk back so I end up going back and forth.

About the Sherlock part that makes me wonder if everyone with add/adhd have some kind of tv show or something going on in their heads.For me it’s not a Sherlock type it’s like an anime show going on in my head over whats going on or how i’m picturing things.With all that dramatic face expressions and comedy type.It’s very entertaining.

Idk if anyone else ever had this happened before but once I was in a store and this thing happened that I like to just call a hyper attack.Like I end up so hyper that my head starts to hurt,everything starts spinning,I’m laughing and confused.It doesnt last to long from wat i remember but since i start meds it mostly stopped.From time to time i still get like a sugar high or drunk,lol.Even though i didnt have anything sweet to drink or eat.I just get so happy over a thought or something that it just happens after,lol.I start laughing like a crazy person though,lol.

The randomness is so much fun and very funny unless the other person is a stick in the mud.For me it makes me think of like that movie UP and the dogs randomly yelling “SQUIRREL!” in mid sentence.Also sometimes while talking like your memory gets wipped out and forget wat u where talking about.Thats happened so much it’s just best to say oh well and talk about something else.I think this is all i was planning to say and not sure how on topic I’m being.Oh well close enough i guess XD

 

REPORT ABUSE

[justinwilliam87]

@quizzical When I go shopping It’s a bit of a manic adventure. My partner finds it funny seeing me with a wild look in my eye sliding around corners like Kramer (We split the grocery list, well, she has the list i just cruise around grabbing things. She says I’m good at finding things that we’ve forgotten to put on the list) This is all well and good until I come to an aisle which is full of people. . . . . skip that one come back later. . . . . If i remember to come back later WHICH ONE WAS IT!!!!! ARRRGGGHHHH I hate people wanting to use the grocery store when I’m there!!! This is all their fault!!! Now this is where it seems that everyone wants to walk in front of me, or maybe when I’m agitated it seems like that (No, they do it on purpose. I know they do) So after my best artistic representation of a Meth addict doing the groceries, we wait in line. . . . . . and wait . . . . . . . . and wait . . . . . . . . AND GOD DAMN HOW MUCH DO YOU PEOPLE WANT TO BUY!!!!! HURRY UP, I CAN BAG ITEMS QUICKER THAN THAT, HERE LOOK, OUT OF THE WAY, MY TURN.

THEN, when it is my turn. It’s like ” quick get everything out of the cart and scan it, quick quick quick, look at all the people behind us, go faster’ they’re waiting’ gotta go gotta get out of the way for the next person go go go go go”

So yeah safe to say I’m probably never going to make friends when i shop.

@angelicdemon Ummm, just trying to reflect on this so called “hunter vision” of mine. That was just something that popped into this noggin of mine, not really a term I’ve used before but I guess yeah, to a degree that’s what it is. I bow hunt when I get the chance ( Yes i eat what I hunt) and during the hunt, which is long periods of NOTHING, I have an awareness that I never have during everyday life. Smells, tracks, noises, wind direction and the lay of the land all come together for split second decisions as to what/ where I’m going or doing. Now even though I am aware of everything, I’m calm. I control my breathing, move short distances slowly, head movements are in slow motion and a fair bit of ” If I were this animal, what would i be doing at this point of the day”.

What I’m trying to say is that (I’ve only just realised this now) I am trying to simulate this hunter awareness in everyday land. Just the awareness, I don’t think if i started sneaking around stalking people staking out pubs etc. that I would be allowed to continue living in society. Watching, waiting, learning their habits and anticipating next moves. . . . . . . . . . . . .  . I really should delete that part but I laughed at it so yeah, It stays.

Ok, back to what i was trying to say. Through momentum and constantly looking around in a sort of ” Quick I was doing something, what is it, what was it,  look, move, retrace and find” I can usually pop in and out of what I was doing and still stay on track, a very jagged ziggity zaggety track I admit.

Thinking about it now, this constant motion helps to keep me from getting lost inside of my head, so easy to become withdrawn with my own thoughts that interacting with the world constantly pulls me back out. At the end of the day, I want to feel like I have accomplished “enough”. Sometimes enough is never enough so I have to take a step back and actually see what I have done.

Yeah, time to don the urban ghillie suit and head into town.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts