So!
i’m in the middle of a mid-phd crisis.
Huge trouble writing down stuff, and reading scientific papers. I can’t keep my attention on these two for more than 10 mins if not very motivated, 30 mins when under pressure/positive stress.
Field work consists of programming various calculations. That goes a lot better, even if i fail to do it in an ordered, methodical way, and this causes side-problems (my hard disk is as disordered as my desk, and i sometimes find out dumb mistakes weeks later…)
my desk is a complete, embarassing mess. a disorganized pile of papers.
while googling about it i found somewhere something about ADD.
the more i read about it the more many things feel familiar : being messy, need for higher stimuli than the norm, the whole parts about bad conversation habits, some comments about “uncommon work places” (i’ve had some of my greatest productivity peaks in a train or a car, while the office seems to really kill me)
It is much faster to say what doesn’t fit :
-i did not have major school problems.
Even if i’ve always been shifting between highs and lows. Even if until high school family pressure helped a lot to get the job done. Even if at college, most of my successes are due to the “adrenaline rush” that helped me to fully focus in the last days before a test, and during the test itself. My worst results are from “bigger” exams where day-to-day work was essential.
-i am/was good at maths, logical thinking, abstraction. With the exception of one teacher @college who was very methodical and was anal on notation errors, details and such (and who told me: “mr. B., you should understand that you’re at university now. It’s time to start studying otherwise you won’t go very far”)
-i can be very organized at times. E.g. i have a true obsession for rock climbing: if i schedule a rock climbing trip, i can be perfectly organized about transport, accomodation, clothing, climbing gear, costs…I usually schedule a specific training plan for the specific climbing objective of the trip and stick to it.
In a few scary or emergency situations, i’ve kept more cool and organized and tidy about procedures than most of my buddies.
This does not mean that i’m generally well organized, of course.
By the way, the greatest pleasure this activity gives me is that of being in full control : control of my body, control of events, control of my will, etc…
i am willing to investigate the subject further because right now i feel rather helpless and unable to deal with the short term objective of finishing my phd, and because i don’t want to make mistakes in career choices when i’m done with it.
What drives me crazy is that i really want hard to do the work, but i can’t, and not because i am too stupid to read or write about abstract scientific concepts, but because some “external force” constantly drifts my attention away from it. Painfully frustrating.
In the end:
-if i turn out to be diagnosed as ADD, should i expect great short-term improvements?
-if not, could i be disgnosed with something else and get effective help?
REPORT ABUSE
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