anyone else have BPD or another personality disorder?

[powcat]

I found out about my borderline personality disorder back in 2009, and two years later learned about my ADD. although this is more of a BPD issue, I’m sure some people can still relate, and I don’t have another space to really express this…

About 3 weeks ago, I started dating this guy and I really liked him. Yesterday we broke up because he wants to see different people and I don’t. I am super hurt even though I’ve only known him for 3 weeks! I get so attached to people and I don’t know how to control it.

Anyway I am just trying hard to focus on every day tasks and keep taking care of myself and not get depressed but it’s tough. I feel almost like an addict when it comes to dating; I always like someone to be in my life, even a crush. So I’ve deleted my online dating profile and I’m going to try to focus on other things. It’s totally shameful and hard to talk about with people, why I get so sad over these minor relationships.

Thanks for reading and I hope someone can respond.

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[darktendril]

I don’t have BPD, but I recognize that it can add another dimension to attachment issues.  I do know however, that break-ups can be very painful, no matter how long you have been together.  It is still a loss at any stage, even if only of hopes you may have had for a future with this person, and grieving or a sense of anger is completely normal.  You don’t need to feel ashamed about that!  Take care of yourself.  Distracting yourself with other things right now is a great plan

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Powcat, I found a BBC radio documentary about living with BPD.  (http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01sm6s0/On_the_Borderline/)  I think you’ll find it very interesting and helpful.

That intense, fast attachment you feel in relationships can be part of having ADHD, too.  Our Executive Functioning is a little wonky, so it has trouble regulating our emotions.  We go from “0 to 11” in a heartbeat.

Relationships are very tricky things, even for neuro-typicals.  There are so many subtleties of communication…and we ADDers have trouble with the subtleties of communication, so we often come on way too strong, without even realizing it.  If the first date goes well, we’re convinced this is “Our Prince (or Princess) Charming For Life”.  But even the tiniest disagreement with them can easily turn into “The End Of This Relationship And The World!!!”.  (“11 to 0”, in a heartbeat!)

There are some books that can really help you to understand the impact of ADHD on relationships, and how to work with it:  “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?” (Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo) and “The ADHD Effect on Marriage” (Melissa Orlov).  Both books are packed with information & personal experiences, and are easy reads.  I’ve learned a lot from them—even though I’m a Confirmed Singleton!

If you’re interested in these books, you can find them here:  http://totallyaddshop.com/collections/books?page=2 .  It’s a nice way to get the books you want, and help support this website.

 

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[anitajane44]

maybe its better to have or find partners with adhd i wonder as they are on same page with our intense passion we have its not a really bad thing surly we are geuine people and transparent unlike others i find dont be sad just keep your positivey protect it dont let your self be knocked he just wasnt the one this time xx

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Anitajane44, you’d think so, but having two ADHD people in a relationship can be very tricky, because ADDers have a lot of trouble with the responsibilities of running a household.  With both of them struggling with paperwork, bill-paying, finances, housework, schedules—and our tendency towards jumping to conclusions and reacting very strongly—it can make for a very tempestuous relationship.

Being in a relationship means having to work to understand and co-operate, in order to strengthen the bond and keep the household running well.  It’s hard enough for neuro-typicals, but when you have ADHD, it’s even harder.

Fortunately, ADDers often have great empathy and imagination and hunour, which can help a lot…if we work at it!

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