Automatically assume things are my fault

[Anonymous]

This ties in with the post someone made awhile ago about being tired of apologizing. I’d post there except I can’t find that thread again.

Even more than my need to apologize, it is really bothering me that whenever anyone says “You forgot to …” “You said you would …” or simply “You said …” I assume that the finger pointer is right. It doesn’t even dawn on me until later, that maybe it wasn’t me. And if I can grope around in my brain matter and come up with whatever I supposedly forgot, did or said, and realize who really was supposed to do that thing, who said that … , it could easily be days later and it looks like I want to pin blame, pass the buck or harbour some kind of grudge. Short of really good documentation – it works in some situations like meetings, I’m at a loss.

My other question is – Has anyone been able to grow a thicker skin?

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[shutterbug55]

I don’t think I will ever acquire a thick skin.

I spent the first 18 years of my life with my “friends” laughing at me at school. My teachers would punish me for being…. me. My family nit-picked and nagged me to change and live up to my potential, to do this, do that, pay attention, settle down, the list goes on.

My career has been a series of success/failures, where I keep getting better at what I do, ultimately my jobs end with me being fired, laid off, or just giving up and leaving.

When anything happens around me, I assume it is my fault, because I am always screwing something up. forgetting something, or day-dreaming, when I should be paying attention.

I am in my late 50’s and that thick skin hasn’t grown over the scars.

I have a dog now, who doesn’t care whether I locked my keys in the house or my car, or left my wallet on the counter at the store. I think she loves it, because she gets another walk. Dogs are great!

I work for a company that lets me work from home a couple days a week, and during that time, she demands my attention a few times an hour. While I don’t get continuous work done, I get more work done, cause I am not spending all my time day-dreaming. I am trying to figure out how I can bring my dog to the office.

So in a way, she has turned out to be my “service dog”. I don’t have a thick skin, but I do have a German Shepherd who is on my side.

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[Anonymous]

we need to make a definate attempt at making our lives enjoyable … the service dog sounds great,

but my cats tell me that i have enough to do taking care of their needs .. and they dont need a dog.

my cats keep me sane … or somewhat. if shit happens, then it happens

there is no gain to thinking about hte amounts of crap that happened in the first 59 years.

I do allow myself to think that many of the perpetrators …

teachers, counsellors, etc, were misguided and now maybe buried

I have been told to let the past be dead, the future unknown, and stick to the present

my cats are masters of being in the present and not worrying about how i messed up careers,

and they are willing to remind me to feed them and clean the litter any number of times without animosity

cats do not blame or sulk … they do not charge $350. / hour to suggest that I try yet another pill

I think that we need to reinvent ourselves … with out the guilt, the shame or the nagging assumptions

I asked Tea and Bunn, but they are ready to nap, so further suggestions will have to wait until they are ready.

there is a nice movie … as good as it gets … it has a dog, but no cats … be nice to yourself ?

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[Anonymous]

My cats are very much like dogs – always ready for cuddles or to play a game of fetch. And they don’t lay guilt – not much anyway.

Most of the stuff I’m referring to is the little nitpicky stuff, but it wears me down, or the conversations that I apparently had and I can’t remember if I did or not. If I could remember that maybe I could figure out how something I really did say had been misconstrued. I’ve never been fired, but at one point I had a cowrker – not a boss – keeping a list unknown to me for months of all the little things I had done wrong. She took it to the boss and I was hauled into the office with the other person looking smug.

Now I’m back in school and I’m at my field placement a few days a week. None of this kind of thing has started there – that I’m aware of anyway. People are usually pretty kind to the students. But I’m going to school for theology with the plan of being a minister – long way to go yet and I’m 51. Church people can be great in so many ways, but it’s kind of like have 112 bosses, or people who think they are. I had to go be part of a team to go iron out some problems at a church and wouldn’tcha know it – some guy pulls out “the list” of all the things that minister has done wrong, not done … It was the same kind of nitpicky stuff that that I’m so used to hearing people gripe about me not doing. My mind leaps ahead to me in my very own church and somebody with their secret list … (Gotta stop that leaping ahead – it never goes well.)

Sometimes I wonder if I’m voluntarily walking the plank.

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[Anonymous]

Just gotta say, now that placement is done, my concerns in the previous post never did come to fruition. !!!

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[Tiddler]

That’s great. How are you feeling?

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[ashockley55]

Sorry to hijack this thread, but I read the topic line and the first part of the first post (ehhhhh…medication hasn’t gotten me to where I can sustain attention for very long, but it has worked on my motivation/initiative to a large degree, which….unfortunately? results in me having the motivation to post to threads that I haven’t had the sustained attention to read all of?) (ehhhh…hee hee…ehhh…*embarrassed*)

But, ummmmm….

I feel this same way, regarding the apologizing and sensitivity and thin-skinned-ed-ness.

Yesterday at work I apologized to a co-worker when she, of her own accord and volition, knocked into a chair as she walked by.

I had nothing to do with her knocking into the chair: I was standing feet away, I hadn’t placed the chair there, I hadn’t in any way directed her path in a way to cause her to knock into the chair, but, as soon as she did it, I automatically, and, I feel, it really was *so* automatic that it really indicates, just, my level of apologizing-ness, I said “I’m sorry.” to her.

She didnt’ respond to the apology. I wondered if she even noticed it or wondered what I was apologizing for.

~ Amber

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[ashockley55]

Tea – where did you get these cats that don’t blame or sulk????????

I swear, if my cat could talk, as soon as I walked in the door, she would say:

“Oh. You. What are you doing here? Are you going to feed me? What are you going to do? You’re boring me. Stop it. Feed me now. Pet me now. Don’t lay like that, I can’t balance on your hipbone. Why did you do that? Would you please move so I can get over there? Why are you not feeding me now? I don’t like the way you vacuumed the carpet. I don’t like THAT you vacuumed the carpet. Is that toy up there just to collect dust or are you going to play with me? I don’t like it here. Why don’t you vacuum the carpet, can’t you see this mess we’ve made that needs to be cleaned? Pet me. Move over. Stay there.”

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[Scattybird]

Glad to hear that Bellamom!

Yes ashockley – cats are much more judgemental than dogs. There’s a joke thing floating around the web – on one side it’s a dog’s thoughts for the day and on the other it’s a cat’s thoughts. One just loves having his tummy tickled and EVERYTHING is his favourite thing (the dog) whilst the cat is harbouring dark and intellectual thoughts about everything and planning to escape. I’ll try to track it down.

Sorry – it’s not amusing unless you read it. Sorry – there goes another apology!

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[Anonymous]

Coem to think of it, Bella did refuse to acknowledge my existance for 2 days after I got home last time. But then it she forgave me and was after my ealobes once again.

Tizzler – I’m thrilled to be done placement even tho I loved it there, thought the world of my supervision committee – mostly because of how supportive they were when I told them about me & ADHD. Until they were seeing the issues as “choices” I was making. Over time Strattera kicked in and it got so much easier to stay motivated and was a lot more focused.

But right now, I’m actually terrible!! I’ve been wondering if there’s anyway it could be Strattera but I don’t see how it could account for some of this. Yesterday I first went to my drs and they sent me to the hospital. They said “probably a virus” “take tylenol, drink water and come back if you get worse”. It’s that I had exactly the same thing late Feb, 3 weeks after starting Strattera. Along with fever, I have a massive headache, very sensitive skin (it’s already sensitive) – this is 20xs worse, and a painful rash that covers ALL of my tushie – around my hips, on my front and down my legs. The rash was just starting when I was at the hospital – back to my own dr tomorrow.

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[Scattybird]

Hi Bellamom,

Sorry to hear you’re not well. That sounds horrible.

Does it say on the leaflet you get with the meds that these symptoms can occur with Straterra? It seems odd that you had the same thing when you tried Straterra before but it could be coincidence. Doesn’t really sound like it though???

Let us know what your doctor says and I hope you soon feel better.

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[kc5jck]

Scatty – Here’s a link to the Dog-Cat Diaries

http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/humor/otherhumor/dog_cat_diary.htm

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[Scattybird]

Fantastic – that’s it. Thank you kc!

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[ashockley55]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That was so awesome! I love it! Thank you so much!

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[Anonymous]

Thanks Scattybird! Yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself, and I may do so again. The horribly itchy burning rash continues to make interesting patterns resembling continents and is moving steadily towards my head and my feet. I may ask DH to look for images of biblical people. Someone found the Virgin Mother on her toast and made “Ripley’s Believe it or Not”.

Anyway, my gp is looking more at infectious diseases than a drug reaction, esp because I also have a blood disorder. So things like toxoplasmosis etc are possibilities.

The assignments still beckon.

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[Author]

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