Being a Boss with ADD!!!

[Anonymous]

Oy, where to start? I am a pharmacist with ADD, diagnosed maybe a year ago, been on meds, the whole 9 yards. Right now, we think the regimin is working. However, I have employees that cant/wont understand this disability (although I keep calling it a condition even though its kinda not). One of them has a son with ADD, so you’d think she’d understand. Well, at the beginning she did. But now that its been 6 months, they are burnt out. I cant fire them because I couldnt decide to or not! I do have issues making decisions, even though I want the control (as an ADDer). I now know where that urge and push comes from, but meanwhile it did have an effect on my career. I chose to work for myself because I found working for corporate America to be frustrating.

Working for yourself has its ‘benes’, but also problems. I didnt know I was ADD when I started the business, otherwise I probably would have reserached it more, and studied management to better control employees. I hate employee handbooks, but we are seeing the need for it now (my atty had advised against it and has told me to post specific rules individually). I could not do that either without fearing my employees biting my head off. They are threatening me with lawsuits, and really pushing my buttons the wrong way. They play games and accuse me of forgetting and pitting them against each other. All the while, I tell them that this is not my mission in life, but they still think I can make the choice to change. But yall know, with ADD, thats like trying to turn a Rock over to get to a million dollars (hehe).

I have found humor as a way to fluff off my ADD, and people like that. It seems when I work from home on the pc, my life in that virtual workplacde is complete opposite. I think those people differently than my inperson counterparts. Im not a boss now, but I used to be and probably lost that job due to the ADD.

If anyone has advice for a boss with ADD, I’d love to hear it. I have been searching for legal articles about ADD bosses but there seems to be little out there. My fear only increases with each day of my employees, reading about prevalent lawsuits where employees win….

What advice do you have for me? I cant afford coaching, and insurance doesnt cover it…

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[Anonymous]

here’s what I’ve found after 26 years of being a boss:

1.Only hire and work with those you actually like. If anyone rubs you the wrong way, DO NOT hire them. Trust your’ instincts on this. The ones that rub you the wrong way will be the ones that TRY to f**k with you.

2. Do not hire someone who’s MORE scattered than you are, UNLESS they are brilliant in one or two areas: then, only have them do those one or two things. Don’t expect them to do more, don’t get mad at them when they don’t do more. Praise them when they excell in those one or two areas.

3. Be nice! When you’re pissed,bite your’ tongue! Take a breath and figure out how to tell them what the problem is in a controlled respectful manner.

4. Being nice does not mean being a doormat—remember, you ARE the boss!

5.Remember #1

6. Cut everyone some slack, yourself included,just don’t forget #4!

Probably more, but I actually have to get some work done now. What with being the boss and all, lol!

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[Bill]

Important advice I received was to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the TEAM. Make sure any of your deficits are compensated for elsewhere. And that goes for everyone on the team. Whether diagnosed with a condition or not, we all bring our unique characteristics to the table.

Reading between the lines, though, in this case I wonder whether there is clear communication going on of your expectations and your staff’s frustrations. Is there a neutral third party you could bring in who could talk to everyone individually (including you) and find some way of working together?

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[Anonymous]

@Bill – I’ve thought about that, but to get these employees to accept a neutral 3rd party one on one is like pulling teeth. I have even gone so far as to say I’d pay for it on company time, but has not come to fruition. What sort of person would you recommend? An HR consultant? I know they wont like it if an atty tried to do that, as I have already explored that option, and they demand to have ‘representation’ on their side before they will agree to it.

Their expectations–organization, respect, and communication…or something like that…being ADD, I cant exactly remember the third one lol….’all for free’…Im frugal as I have to be in my business, and they dont like it. I made some unfortunate decisions BEFORE the economy tanked, and so Im not hearing the end of it. Again, being ADD, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut; when I have a thought I blirt it out. I never thought it would be like this to be a boss, as I hated corporate I did for 13 years in my current role.

For example, I asked one of them to help me on decisions I have a hard time with, one of their strengths I feel in the generic business sense. Because of the defiance and other behaviors they have issue with, they become insubordinate and hostilities ensue. Im not very happy that this happens, but this same person raises this ’emotional’ bar. This has gone on for several years actually, and so its even harder to simply terminate without fear of lawsuit. Ive been waiting for them to quit, but the economy being what it is hasnt matriculated that. My legal advise seems to believe they are smoke and mirrors.

Thanks for reading! Please continue this dialogue! I love the support I’ve found on this site!

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[Bill]

@NewADD – You are soooooooooooooooo right. It takes the right person to do that kind of negotiation. You want someone with enough interpersonal skills that the employees feel listened to and enough business skills that concrete change actually happens!

But, to start with, can you imagine what the perfect set up for your business would be? What people and skills do you need in place so that you can take advantage of your own skills and talents? If you don’t have that clear vision, then that’s the place to start. If you’re thinking that that’s a tough thing to do all by itself, I hear ya! Do you have a friend, someone you respect and trust, who is a well organized, clear thinker? He or she might be an engineer or an analyst. Sitting down with them for a half day or so and working through this issue might be just what you need. They don’t have to be a high powered consultant. They just need to be able to help you organize what you already know. When I look at a problem, I don’t see a solution. I usually see hundreds! I find that having someone logical and organized to help me prioritize and decide on a single way forward helps me tame the static.

Good luck!

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[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing. The one person that I think would fit that bill you describe is one in the same person that raises the emotional bar and threatens things that she gave her (personal) word she’d never do. The other doesnt care… She is very moody and will listen when she’s in one frame of mind, and refuses to listen in another (totally opposite mood). Being ADD, I have let them get away with stuff and was not the type of boss I ideally should have been. I want to keep my business and it can be successful. I have plans to expand it, but need her help. So I’ve got to get my act together, and that aint easy…stayin positive! This board and my therapist, of which I need to look into things I hope will help! TYVM for your feedback!

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[Anonymous]

New around here (not ADD . I find that team building and delegation has been my Achilles heel. I have been working on it. For what is lacked in organizational skills, I feel one of the most important organizational skills an ADD CEO (often one and the same?) can develop is that of surveying the talent on the team and making sure each person is placed in their most optimal position. (You would not expect Quickbooks to do the job of Photoshop, would you? People are like software packages….) Easier said than done in some cases, but I estimate worth the effort.

I suppose when hiring a secretary or assistant: that person would not only have to be a good match for you, but would have to clearly understand what the job really involves. The job involves handling all of the organizational details (all of the things you are not good at or have time for) so that you can focus your attention on the creative aspects of the company you designed. That person must be someone who thrives in that scenario or it is a bad match. They are not being hired to change you, they are being hired for what they are bringing to the team. The sad thing is that otherwise good people are unhappy in their job because their understanding of what their role is is distorted, poorly defined, or poorly fit. Perhaps, we need to clearly define what we are after and then find the right people who thrive in that role. Easier said than done, but I believe worth the effort. See how it goes….

Look forward to more good stuff here

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[Anonymous]

Ha, I meant in my opening line of my line the I am not new to ADD Guilty as charged! Now, where did I put my….

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[Anonymous]

Is there anyone here who knows a good resource (website, professional etc) for legal advice for ADD bosses dealing with employees?

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[Anonymous]

I’m very familiar with ADHD. I helped raised my niece with ADHD and had the benefit of having been a medical social worker in a mental health setting and working with kids, families and schools where most of the challenges were management and diagnosis of children in schools who actually had ADHD and were not learning disabled. I made a career change and am now an administrative consultant part time. I work in the insurance industry with small business owners on a temporary basis. This is what I’ve found in the real world. The two business owners I worked with were helpful and enthusiastic alternating to distrustful and fearful, even though they tried to hide it and did a good job of concealing their opinions.

Their day to day emotions pretty much determined their goals and opinions of whether or not to keep or cope in regard to employees around the office. As long as the front desk personnel took on most of the burdens of organization and everything always went smoothly, they felt hopeful. If there was any kind of interruption in routine or and expectation wasn’t met, the mood went downhill and the bosses became impatient. So much so that when in a good mood they would hire someone and make a lot of promises but ultmately, in the midst of every day fluctuations they woul lose patience and want to hire another person. Many of these bosses change employees every 3-6 months looking for the “perfect fit.” In the two cases I’m speaking about, the employees were getting along well and all that was needed was patience and some basic training around the office during the transition phase.The office procedures had not been written down and new hires were expected to blend right in without any consistent protocol. The bosses seem not to be able to trust a group of people simultaneously but put a lot of responsibilities and trust into one person. That is as far as the delegation went. In both cases the front desk person was overworked yet pleasant and didn’t have the heart to say no. Whenever a new person would come on the front desk person was looking forward to some relief but because of the constant changes and the burden of organizing someone else’s business, they didn’t have time to orient or train and although the boss was able to train new persons, the boss resented having to train because he/she was looking forward to everybody being immediately efficient because he/she was underwater almost daily, with the stress of having a business. All that was needed was the team sitting down together but both these bosses, from two different businesses, were unable to open up and trust anyone other than the person they were most dependent upon. It was unfortunate because the outcome was that eventually the trusted front desk person burned out and had to leave and the other really cooperative and good employees were not given the time they needed and the bosses were back at square one, alone. I’m talking about a probationary period of three months being reasonable, not two weeks! My suggestion to bosses is to lower your expectations and make sure there is a longer training period. Watch for improvements week by week and don’t expect a seamless transition. This doesn’t happen in any business, let alone and office which hasn’t achieved enough organization yet. These things take time. In both these examples, employees had given up other opportunities with expecations to have a position for more than three weeks, obviously. One employee was told that she needed to dedicate more hours to the office so she quit one of her other part-time jobs and the business owner decided 5 days later to drop the project she was hired for. He had no complaints other than he had a certain idea of how things were going to develop and they didn’t go the way he wanted. The employee was kind and considerate, however, his impulsiveness severely affected her life. Remember to appreciate the fact that your employees are dedicating a lot of their mental and physical energy to your success. They deserve some security and chances are that they’re struggling as much as you are to keep up.

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