Biggest Fear

[Carrie]

Tonight I told my uncle how I was diagnosed….

You see, my uncle has been my best friend since I was a baby. I would always run to him, I could always talk to him, I phoned him all the time even when my parents said I couldnt, I did. My uncle grew up in a very abusive home, in all ways, so did my dad but of course they cope differently. He has always had drugs issues. Mainly marijuana, and of course my parents didnt want that to happen to me etc. But my uncle always understood true feelings and was always very real. He never hid anything. He always knows how to cheer me up and has helped me through a lot of my own emotional problems and I have been helping him. He has had many experiences with medications for anxiety, depression you name it. Prozac comes to mind which really did not do well for him and made him worse for the time he was on it. This made all of my family afraid of medication. I am finally learning about medication and have been talking with the psychiatrist, psych nurses, my own doctor, as well as research on the internet and am learning more and am not so afraid anymore.

I told my uncle about the ADD, and right away he said “Yeah right, EVERYONE has it!”. Part of this is because he, like most people, doesnt know much about it and he knows im very smart, and doesnt want me to be on “medications” like he is for this and that, when they are not helping him at all, and he doesnt want me to be like him.

I got the blood work done today and my ECG, so by the end of the week will have meds and, I admit I am still a little skeptical, but Im willing to give it a shot. But now I feel he wont believe me, not that ADD doesnt exist but the fact that I, myself have it. I know hes just concerned about me, but it still hurt…. quite a bit. I dont know… That was my biggest fear… My family not believing that I have it do to their lack of understanding. Thats why I didnt want to tell anyone. They would think im just making it up, and its not really real! Which plays into my own skepticism! Maybe they are right! Maybe I am just not one of those people who are organized! Maybe I do need to put more effort into things! I just need to try harder…. Its just really hard right now. But by the end of the week I will have treatment and can decide from there…

But coming from my uncle, it just hurt so bad. I know he means well… Anything like this happen to any of you? What did you do?

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[Carrie]

I guess my real question is, how can I make them understand? Have you had someone like this?

I dont like having to “prove” myself, and everything I try to say he (and im sure many others) justified it all! I just wish there was something I could do to show him, or anyone else I come across like this!

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[dspicelady]

Carrie, I think you answered alot of your own questions in your post. Tell him what you wrote here. You know he’s concerned about you, however you are an intelligent person who has been tested and diagnosed AND done extensive research on the meds involved. You feel hurt by his response and that you hope he will support you by learning what this means for you.

As for the red flags….he has suffered from anxiety and depression where treatment has not been successful? Use of drugs? Abuse early in life? One word for you….genetic. Not trying to diagnose, but maybe a clue as to his response.

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[Carrie]

Thanks Dspicelady! You are right.

You know I was questioning if my uncle had it as well. I will do my best to educate him and maybe see if he himself will get checked.

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[dspicelady]

Carrie, just remember, everyone has to come to these things in their own time. I am currently learning this lesson the hard way. The important thing is to keep him/his support in your life. We adders are tempted to solve everyone else’s issues. Concentrate on you. When he sees how much better you are and learns about ADD alongside you, maybe he will get his own “ahah” moment. But it has to be on his own. Wishing you the best.

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[Carrie]

Ive never thought about that before! “When he sees how much better you are and learns about ADD alongside you…” I wish I knew this way before! That would of helped in many things before! Thanks!

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[Patte Rosebank]

As for the fear about taking medication, would you and your family feel the same way if you were diagnosed with diabetes or a thyroid condition, and you had to take medication to deal with that? Of course not! In fact, if you refused to consider taking those medications, you’d drastically shorten your lifespan.

ADHD is no different than diabetes or a thyroid condition. Your body’s chemicals & functions are out of whack, and the medications help get them back into whack.

Of course, you should do your homework and research the meds and their possible effects (good & bad), from LEGITIMATE MEDICAL SOURCES. So much of what’s out there on the internet is completely uninformed scaremongering, usually from people trying to sell you their “alternative” cures. Ask your doctor plenty of questions, so that, together, you can decide whether the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks.

When you take your prescription to the drugstore, ask your pharmacist those questions too. Particularly the questions about how the meds could affect underlying conditions (like blood pressure, a mood disorder, or diabetes), and how they could interact with any other meds or supplements you’re taking. This includes “natural” supplements. Your pharmacist is often in a better position to advise you on possible interactions, than your doctor is!

When you start taking the meds, keep a brief journal of what & how much you took, at what time, and how it affected you. Note good & bad effects, and also note any external factors. For example, many of us find that the hormonal roller-coaster ride of PMS increases our ADHD symptoms. And, of course, a stressful event, or a really wonderful event, will also affect our symptoms and our mood. If you have any questions, note them down in your journal, so you can discuss them with your doctor at your next appointment.

Also, check your blood pressure every couple of days (at first), and note the numbers in your journal. ADHD meds (even the non-stimulant ones) can increase blood pressure, particularly when starting a new med or increasing the dosage. After a couple of weeks, your body adjusts, and your blood pressure will probably go down. If it doesn’t, then you and your doctor will need to discuss whether to try a different med, reduce the dosage, or start you on blood pressure medication.

Of course, if you notice any severe bad effects, such as a racing pulse, or dangerous mood swings, seek medical help IMMEDIATELY.

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[nellie]

Carrie,

Except for one of my kids, none of my family thinks it’s “real” either. This includes my husband, who of all people you’d think I should be able to tell. He prefers to stick his head in the sand ( I think those are actually his own words) about stuff like this. When I was still debating medication I decided I’d better bring it up but the resulting discussion left me deciding I was just going to go and do what I have to do and forget about discussing it again. He said the same stuff everyone else does – we all have it etc etc. ( well actually I think he does have it but that’s another story!)

I never even got to telling him about medication. So far it’s been about 4-5 months and quite frankly, and surprisingly, so far so good. I feel good, still getting a handle on my organization which is my biggest hurdle, but things are improving. I guess no one’s the wiser

SO my point? ( I had to say that for my own benefit to make sure I don’t ramble!) It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Just do what you have to do to make yourself happy.

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[Anonymous]

Unless you have ADHD I think it would be hard for others to really truly understand what we go thru. I can explain till I am blue in the face to certain people who will just never really understand how this effects us on so many levels. Then there are the ones who are in denial usually family members, well of course they think we are normal we are probably just them. I know my Mom blew it off at first but now I think she may be starting to realize I got it from her.

Here is a interesting story My 92 year old grandmother has suffered from anxietY for as long as I can remember and has been on valium or ativan for the last 40 years which after so many years the really werent effective so they would jsut keep adding meds. Well over the last year she has been in and out off the hospitals and assisted living facilities quite a bit so she would have all the new doctors who really did know her and would just play around with meds. She was so out of it and different and my family and I kind of had the attitude of well atleast she isnt anxious anymore, but she wasnt herself at all. Anyway to make a long story short she had gotten admitted to a new hospital so again new doctors. When I went to visit I expected a sick withdrawn Gram like she has been for the last few months. Well to my surprise she was up alert doing her nails smiling , bossing us around and as sharp as a whip. Since I am a nurse I asked her nurse to see her new medlist. Well they took her off all antidepressiants , benzos , valium and pysch meds and put her on just Provigil which is a stimulant. Well she wasnt offically dx with ADHD but seriously at 92. I feel bad for her all these years she has suffered and at 92 she finally got what she needed.

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[Carrie]

Larynxa – I will keep a journal, thats a great idea, and you are right about the diabetes or thyroid condition!

Nellie – I will follow your advice and do whats best for me even if I have to keep it to myself. At least I have you bunch of folk I can share with and have some connection to!

Jlmccarthy – That is a very interesting story about your grandmother! It is a shame that it took so long to get the diagnosis! I now hope her last days on this earth are now fullfilling and to their very best!

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