Can someone please help me. I need advice.

[zukosinferno]

When I was a kid I was always hyper and reckless, randomly running up to strangers and sitting on their laps, running around the house for hours on end. Uncontrollable anger, in one instance leading me to throw all my younger brothers toys out of a second story window. Among other things. I’m 20 years old now. My life is a mess. I need help. My mother always assumed from a young aged I had ADHD, no one would believe her and labelled me a bad kid. I went into foster care when I was 8-9 and then after that I lived with my grandmother, who I am currently living with still.  I was kicked out of 2 high schools and never finished school, which I sincerely regret. When I was 14 I was asked by a teacher if I had ADHD, that was the first I had heard of the phrase and I looked it up. Everything began to make sense to me and after I while and with great trouble I asked my grandmother to get me a doctors appointment. I went to the doctors and I was diagnosed, he said I had it, but it was minimal. That isn’t true. I was very reserved in with the doctor withholding a lot of stuff because my grandmothers presence made me uncomfortable. And when I tried to tell him certain things, she gave me a look of “don’t you dare embarrass me”. I was on meds for a while, concerta to be exact, and they were amazing, but I always forgot to take them and then eventually I just stopped. I know for a fact I have the combined ADHD. Online tests aren’t accurate but in every one I have taken I have scored perfectly for having the combined type. I even made my girlfriend unbiasedly take one for me. 10/10.  I’m 20 now, I’ve had a rough few years, and I really want to go to the doctors to get my life back on track, I need help. I need medication. But I’m scared. See, I’m also very concerned I have S.A.D (social anxiety). I haven’t left the house in months, I have panic attacks regularly if things get to stressful especially relating to social situations. I just want to be normal. Im scared if I go to a doctor they will say that there is nothing wrong with me and that im being a hypochondriac. I cant talk to anyone about my feelings without being called an attention seeker and im very reserved in nature so that makes no sense. Also I’m from England, it would take me years to get a diagnosis from what Ive read and watched, because most doctors in england dont belive it even exists for adults. I feel stuck. This is horrible. I need help, I want help, and im afraid of the outcome. I just want conformation that im not insane, is that bad? ADHD caused me lots of problems, i was at college, i never knew what work I was doing so I skipped a lot, and because of that i got further behind, I had sever problems with depression, I was going to kill myself, then I met my girfriend, she keeps me sane. She convinced me not to go back to college temporarily as it was deteriating my mental state ALOT. I was cutting, having panic attacks, i just, couldn’t cope. My family doent know that though. They never asked, just yelled. My point is, my ADHD is getting worse, im hyper more and more, I get angry more often than usual, the older i get, the worse it gets and I want help. I just dont know if I can get it. I really need some advice from people… More like me. Please help me. No one else will.

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[csteinke]

Hello, wow ok I first want to ask you? You currently live in England? Secondly, I am sorry this has and is happening to you. Please know that the best thing you can do is talk to people, lots of people keep talking until someone helps you. I am not sure how the medical community handles adult ADHD in England but I find it very hard to imagine that you cannot find “someone” a dr in England who won’t help you. If one dr doesn’t believe you, find another dr that does. keep going until you find someone! Someone will eventually, they have to. ADHD in adults or children is a real thing, the nedical community knows this. ADHD can also be active with other conditions. If you were already diagnosed as a child this hopefully should make it easier for “someone” to take you seriously now. ADHD never goes away so if someone told you you had it then, you have it now. The good news is there are plenty of amazing things you can do to live your life with ADHD as an adult. Just like anything else the first step is accepting your condition and then learning ways to live with it. Someone once said “ADHD is a condition and a skill” there are many many advantages to having this condition. Some of the most successful people in the world have ADHD. I am sure if you are from England you know Richard Branson ;). He has ADHD. You have to look at this as an opportunity rather than a hindrance. My son is 22 and he was diagnosed when he was 6, it’s a long haul especially if you don’t have the support. This is what I am sorry to hear from you. I am glad you have your girlfriend but I imagine she is also still young as well. You have to learn to work through this on your own. it’s a long path but very rewarding as well, I promise. I was diagnosed when I was 37 years old. Now my two young girls are going through similar symptoms to mine and my son’s. Luckily, I have the experience to now help then and teach them the tools I have learned. The reason I am telling you about my family is, the ironic thig about what you say about your family is ADHD is genetic! It comes from our family so I can guarantee there are others in your family that have this condition or any number of other conditions you also may have. I quickly Googled Adult ADHD in England and found this website, maybe you can reach out to them for advice http://www.ukaan.org. Listen, you have done the right thing by reaching out to our site. It means you are looking to take control. One thing about ADHD is patience is always an issue for us LOL! Just try! to stay focused on getting help. After I was diagnosed I took a year of work to deal with all of this. You are an adult now, time to take care of you and stop worrying about what others think, even your family. Take care, good luck and keep talking!! Make lots of noise!!

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[blackdog]

Start by taking a deep breath.

You are not alone. And it can and will get better. You are still young and you have time to turn things around and get your life on track.

Start by looking for a doctor who specializes in treating ADHD. You need someone who will understand you and believe you. And when you do go to a doctor, be completely, brutally honest. Don’t hold back.

I know it’s hard, I have the same problem myself. I either shut down completely and can’t think of anything to say or I automatically put on a mask and act as though everything is just fine, thank you very much. I  even lied to a psychiatrist once without realizing I was doing it.

Also, make notes. Write down anything you can remember from your childhood that points to ADHD and any examples you can think of that show how it is affecting your life. If you don’t write them down before you go you will probably forget them when you get there.

If you have someone who has known you for at least a few years who can go with you that might help. Some psychiatrists like to have someone else who can answer questions about you to get an outside perspective.

That’s all I have time for right now.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Zukosinferno, your experience and fears are things that so many of us go through.

Just remember, an accurate diagnosis depends on your being totally open & honest with your doctor. If your grandmother’s presence during the appointment affected your answers, then you need to tell the doctor about it, and ask for another appointment—this time, without your grandmother there.

Stigma is a huge barrier to getting a diagnosis & treatment, and your grandmother was raised to believe the myths that ADHD isn’t real (or means you’re crazy). So, she’s feeling that stigma, and putting it onto you. She probably won’t change her mind.

You’re an adult now, so you are entitled to a private appointment. It’s not about saying what will please your granny; it’s about getting the diagnosis & treatment YOU need.

ADISS (the UK’s main ADHD organisation) can help you a lot.  Their website is http://www.addiss.co.uk.

You’ll find that there are quite a few doctors and support services that not only believe in ADHD, but are actively working to help the people who have it, and enlighten those who deny it.

Just knowing that, will make your ADHD journey much easier. So will hanging out here at TotallyADD. Because you’ll see that you’re not alone.

Do visit the Videos page, for some free videos that will explain a lot…and make you laugh. http://www.totallyadd.com/videos

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Zukosinferno, I well remember that extreme anxiety you describe. It can often be a part of ADHD.

So can struggling in college, and becoming so depressed and overwhelmed there, that we have to drop out. I went through that Crash & Burn, myself, even though I’d been an Honours student in high school. I didn’t drop out of university, but I did cut my course-load to the barest minimum, and I still struggled.

I felt so anxious and miserable. Only, I never even suspected I had ADHD. It was a complete surprise when I was diagnosed, just 4 years ago, many years after I (somehow) got my B.A.

Now that you know you have ADHD, you can learn how to work with it and understand it, and things will get better for you. Not perfect, but better. And you may discover that you’re much stronger than you ever imagined.

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[zukosinferno]

Thank you everyone for replying to me, its nice to have people actually listen to me and support me in a sense. I still kind of feel like a giant hypochondriac, mainly because that’s what I’ve always been told. But I now feel a little more positive about the whole situation. In reply to csteinke yes I still live in England. Although I do within the next few years plan to move to the US, my girlfriend lives there and with us having been together for a few years we got engaged, now that gay marriage is legal in most states, we can actually get the ball rolling on things. Anyway, I just kind of feel like my life is passing me by to quickly and im accomplishing nothing with it because my “quirks” are holding me back. I cant focus, I can’t sit still, I loose everything, my memory is horrible, I was told something roughly 4 times today, yet pretty much immediately after they told me I asked the same questions repeatedly because I forgot they had already answered. I mean, there are so many things that are getting me down, all that can be associated with this, I’m always restless, I always talk talk talk…. I still sometimes, mostly late at night, get extremely hyper to the point I’m acting like a child and deliberately trying to bug people because to me its entertaining, then followed by remorse afterwards. I say things I don’t mean, I do things I don’t want to, the other day, my Grandmother turned off the internet to “punish” me for something I guess, I literally got so angry I screamed like a 4 year old little girl who got her toy taken away, literally screamed, even threw things. I don’t want to be like this, I know its how I am and its not going to go away, which is why I came here. I want to get help, I know I need it. I’m just so scared, what if it is all in my head? and I am making excuses. What if I really am just stupid and childish. I don’t know. I just, its not that I want something to be wrong with me, thats not it at all, its that there IS… I know it, I feel it. And the main reason im concerned is because last time I went to a doctors for this, when I was 14, the doctor took one look at me and said “well, you certainly dont look like you have ADHD” refuring to the fact I was and still am a little overweight. Which from what i’ve read can be a factor in adult female ADHD. When I went to get diagnosed, with and actual ADHD doctor, because I was 14 he just treated me like a delinquent, I don’t even think it was a real test, he just kind of weighed me, talked with me for an hour or so, then that’s it take these meds. Surly there is more to it than that. Sorry for venting to much. Its just nice to have people to talk with and you guys all seem really nice and supportive, and besides my girlfriend are the only ones to treat me like I’m not insane of making things up. Thank you for that by the way. 🙂

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[blackdog]

@zukosinferno

You are very welcome. We all know what it’s like to feel isolated and alone, like there is no one who understands and supports us. That is what is so great about Totally ADD. To echo what Larynxa said, hanging out here will help. Watch the videos, check out the webinar archives, and browse the forums to find tons of info and a few laughs. Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine and learning to laugh at yourself a little and not sweat the small stuff so much will help with the anxiety.

The feelings and doubts about yourself that you are experiencing are very common with ADHD. It’s easy to think that you are just being lazy, or stupid, or making things up. That if you only tried harder you could do it.

It’s because you are not stupid, or lazy, or crazy, and you know it. And yet you still constantly screw up. And it doesn’t make sense. So you blame yourself. And other people don’t understand what you are going through and they heap more blame onto you.

I was scared of going for a diagnosis for all the same reasons. But a good doctor will be able to tell that you are not making it up. There are distinctive features of ADHD that are unmistakable when you know what to look for.

And they won’t say that you don’t look like you have ADHD because you are overweight. Of all the stupid things I have heard of doctors saying, that one has to take the cake. There are no physical signs of ADHD. It is, in a sense, all in your head, because it is your brain that is affected. The connection between weight and ADHD in women I believe comes from a belief that women with ADHD are more likely to suffer from eating disorders or to binge eat due to impulsivity. In my case it is more just that I can’t be bothered going to all the work to make something to eat so I just grab whatever is available, which leads to some unhealthy choices.

There is no one test that can determine if you have ADHD. But there are some questionnaires that are usually used to determine the severity of symptoms and the impact they have on your life. And there are some computer tests that test your ability to pay attention and how impulsive you are. (I failed that one with flying colours.) And there are things that a good doctor will pick up on when he/she talks to you.

I am really tired because I have had too many late nights this week. So it is taking forever to type this out and I keep going back and editing but I can’t seem to say what I really want to say. So I am going to stop there for now.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Zukosinferno, I think of ADHD as being left-handed in a right-handed world.

Most people’s brains are driven by what’s important, but the ADHD brain is driven by what’s interesting. It’s not that we *can’t* do things that everyone else can do; it’s that we have to do them very differently.

It’s like writing with a fountain pen. If you’re left-handed, you have to hold the pen very differently, and you need a special nib that’s designed to work when the pen is held that way. It’s not that you *can’t* write with a fountain pen; it’s that you have to do it in a special way, with a special nib.

Often, the techniques that work for ADDers are so counter-intuitive, that they just don’t make sense to a non-ADDer. That’s why it’s so important to find doctors, coaches, etc. who really understand ADHD. Otherwise, you’ll end up feeling even more frustrated and confused and angry than you already do. (Been there, done that.)

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[shutterbug55]

@Zukosinferno

I think being ADD is like running in a marathon where everybody else is running in the wrong direction. Of course it could be my autism speaking.

I have an advocate. My wife knows me better than I know myself, sometimes and she is a very interested third party, who accompanies me to my appointments. This is part of how I work within the confines of their (the NT’s) world. This also takes away some of the anxiety and fear of seeking treatment for me. It might help with your fear as well. Its OK to be afraid. It’s that fear of the unknown. Believe me the fear is much worse than reality.

My advocate does those things that I have difficulty doing. She will take notes, while I concentrate on what my counselor or life coach is telling me. Both of us together ask the questions and make sure they get answered. I record the sessions for later review.

I get ahead of myself. It all starts with the diagnosis. It isn’t easy, and it will bring up a bunch of emotions as you sift through your past. An advocate can help with that too. The diagnosis is just a way of identifying what you have. That starts the process of treatment. That is where your life gets better. Remember, you are already living with ADD. The only difference between what you are living with before and after the diagnosis, is afterward, you are being TREATED for ADD.

So… Take a deep breath or many. Enlist an advocate. Get your diagnosis. Get treated. It is not fun. It is not easy. It IS WORTH IT.

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[sdwa]

Pretty much what everyone else said….

You might also Google “attention talk radio” for free recordings of ADHD topics.

Getting the right meds can help, and learning about ADHD can help.

In my experience, talking to others with this condition is a huge help.

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