Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? can't read sexual signals

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  • Shadow Nexus
    Member
    #89508 |

    One time, I talked frequently to this gal in community college. One day out of the blue she says she want to go to a movie. Then I get there she said she didn’t have the money. I had some extra. So, I give it to her. I never gave it any thought. Years later, her friend says she had a crush on me. Whoa! She did?? I was clueless. All the non-verbals signals went passed me. She had asked me out.

    When was at university, this gal I passed frequently. She starts talking to me. She asks if I like to go to a TV taping. I say sure and she gives me her phone number. I rode there with her, a female friend, and her boyfriend. This was my first TV taping. She was making small talk with me. Meanwhile, i’m thrilled and shouting and whistling at the young female actors at first. She gave me some strange looks. The night ended and she took me home. She was acting strangely. I never gave any more thought until years later. I was baffled by her strange behavior. She was the daughter of minor star in Hollywood, one of my favorites. Who, i’m keeping to myself.

    After viewing many TV programs on non-verbal signals, I recalled how the events played out and examined them for a few weeks. Slowly, I pieced together all events and what they meant. She had asked me out on a double date! She was annoyed and this explained why. We met again at cinema event for my department. It was very awkward. I said I wanted to talk about it, but never did.

    On the dance floor about a year ago, I built up the nerve to ask this cute gal to dance after several months of building my courage. She turned me down flat out. I was way off again. Same dance floor sometime later, some gal calls me a “stud”. Again, it goes right past me.

    This has played out more times than I can remember. I stopped outright asking gals out over 20 years ago. I just gave up. The time above was only time above I asked a gal to dance since high school. It took 20 years to overcome that block. This was major setback. It will take years, if ever, to do it again. (please don’t say, “just do it” or something like it, not going to happen).

    She has to say one of these and use no non-verbals or get no response:

    “I think your sexy, let go out on date sometime.”(preferred)

    “I think your sexy, ask me out on date.”

    If ever make a online dating profile, this will be on it. 8)

    I’v found that I can listen or make an active effort to decode non-verbal signals. It’s one or the other, but not both at the same time. The ability is missing to do both at once. This disability tanked any chance of getting past job interviews as well. If it’s going badly, i’ll never know it until months later. See Most X-treme post.

    Does anyone else have non-verbal blindness? I need to know i’m not the only one.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Yeah, I feel your pain, fellah.

    I used to miss a LOT of verbal and non-verbal clues when I was younger (and available). Looking back, I can see where I definitely missed quite a few opportunities with women due to my ADD. Even now I miss the clues! It’s not uncommon to find out from friends and family that someone I was talking to was obviously (to them) flirting with me.

    I am currently happily married and have two wonderful kids. Oddly enough, my ADD is a small comfort to my wife. Sure, I miss out on clues from HER too, but at least she never has to worry about me straying!

    Patte Rosebank
    Participant

    Ah, those non-verbal cues… They scupper us on the romantic front, and they trip us up on just getting & keeping friends, because we not only miss signs of interest; we miss signs of non-interest, or (worse) signs that we may have unintentionally offended someone.

    No wonder so many of us are loners. But I’m one of the few loners who has learned to enjoy it.

    Shadow Nexus
    Member

    >I used to miss a LOT of verbal and non-verbal clues when I was younger (and available). Looking back, I can see where I definitely missed quite a few opportunities with women due to my ADD. Even now I miss the clues! It’s not uncommon to find out from friends and family that someone I was talking to was obviously (to them) flirting with me.

    So the question comes up, how did you GET together at all?? If your blind to non-verbals. Did she ask you out? Did she say for you to ask her out? Was it a blind double date?

    >signs that we may have unintentionally offended someone.

    I made a logical choice that the apartment I visited was not good for me. The person who was helping me find the low-income housing at this agency was criticizing me for it. She said, “The time we worked on it was wasted.” What?? I narrowed the field down to a valid one and applied to get on the waiting list. That was the point. I think I offended her some way. Since i’m baffled at her strange behavior.

    I wonder why I get drained so quickly around people. :p

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