Clearing the Air

[munchkin]

I’m trying something new – to stick with people and situations, and not just give up when the going gets rough…

I have been quick to run from situations and give up on people when I felt I was “in over my head” emotionally or socially. Perhaps I just couldn’t regulate my frustration, think before speaking, or remember all the conflict resolution tools I’ve been taught over and over…

It’s like fight or flight – I need to get away or there’s going to be a conflict, and one way or another, I’m going to lose. Best to avoid that person, place, thing, institution, etc…

Can you relate? How have you been able to gain confidence in your people skills as you begin getting your ADD symptoms more under control? How do you recover from a bad interaction with someone and clear the air so you can feel comfortable dealing with them?

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[Anonymous]

Quite a topic Munch………..my knee jerk response would be……”it is a poor set of feet and legs, that would stand there and let the nose get bloody”.

That being said, for practicing (trialing) a new set of interpersonal skills, that just may be the only way to really develop them. Sure you can “role play”….that has it’s place but sooner or later, the real world comes knockin”.

Just being mindful and seeing a “situation developing”, or, being mindful of the development signals, before one is in deep…… in itself, could be a huge benefit, then of course……. one would also have their new tool set to try out. Cool……

My answer is yes, yes, and I tell them straight, and softly…”golly, I’m not comfortable our last meet ended well”. Next I ask…..”You up for a coffee, I’m buying”………or something of that nature. Most folks will go for coffee, with you. Once your sitting down in a private place, where both feel free talking……restate your uncomfortableness, ie….. with an “I” ‘statement, short short short!!!!!!! No explaining…do not…..doing so will only re-establish the conflict.

Then wait, patience, wait……DO NOT SPEAK…….they will speak…….when they do, look directly at them and flip into “active listening” mode…..let them continue to speak, for as long as it takes. Feed back what they are saying, when appropriate, they will feel affirmed. You will likely get your results.

What’s really hard is…..Do not try and fix it…….resist…..I find, that by allowing the other to talk it through, they will sort out the issues.

Is that what you were looking for?????? That format ( in a nutshell) works for me ALWAYS!!

Toofat

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[munchkin]

Wow, Toofat – Yes! Thanks for your answer! I think I’m going to need a 10-pack of duct tape for my mouth and a hearing aid for each ear, but…. listening… it just might help

Not trying to fix it… never would have had occured to me… why do I think you might be right?!

I suspect it may take some practice, but – I’m already noticing that people are more forgiving than I thought! Who woulda thunk? They know something’s up with me lately, and I think second chances may be in order… time to muster up some courage.

Munch

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[Anonymous]

Hahahahahaha……you would think with two ears, and just one mouth, it would be easier to listen than speak…but, alas!!!!!!! There some great reads on these conversing tools…..I’ll see if I can dig them up for you??? Most of my books of that nature hit the trash after I retired……….but I’ll check it out.

Stay with it Munch……..and don’t forget to be kind to yourself in the process, your worth it…..!!!!!

Toofat

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[billd]

Ha – good topic – I won’t know until I do get any of the symptoms under control.

So far, I don’t see much for results, am trying to break old habits regardless and in a couple areas for the short term a couple of things are a bit better, but it’s not really ADD stuff. Still fully stuck in that…………

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[munchkin]

Tough stuff billd – not for the faint of heart!

Toofat, thanks again. Any resources are welcomed

I’m surprised I’ve been able to stick with this site… I am so easily spooked. I’m cowering away from facebook right now. You guys are the best because I know there’s a good chance you will take me with a grain of salt if I say something ridiculous. Even if I feel embarassed by something I’ve posted, somehow I’m able to continue on with the forum. Thanks for the friendship

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[billd]

@munchkin >>Thanks for the friendship<<

Goes both ways, and you make it pretty easy.

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