coach or parrasite .. how do i find out short of buying in?

[Anonymous]

There seem to be a ton of ads by people of all stripes offering all manner of stuff for those of us with adhd and money.

I guess they sold all the pet rocks and are finding a new hot market. I find it difficult to tell who is

offering a real service and who is just shilling for money.

By the way, anyone with excess money is invited to send it to me where it will get the attention it needs.

I have seen a lot of life coach ads such as ” Tara McGillicuddy, Director of ADDClasses.com for $17 per month”,

but it is rare to see what if any qualifications these people have, and I have never seen any suggestion that they

have been sufficiently successful so as to warrant posting their success rate with adhd people.

Just trying to sort out the snake oil salesmen from the real deal … any suggestions?

The ones I have looked up so far seem to feel entitled to a few hundred $$ before they tell me

what wonderful things they can do for me.

Sadly this reminds me of high school dating … thanks

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[Anonymous]

Tea……maybe…just a thought….it could well be that a counselor (a great counselor) may provide you what you need. A great counselor should likely add more to the plate than straight ADD coaching. Not all counselors are created equal…that is true.

Basic counseling is very “short term”….and is more immediate assistance….kind of a quick fix for lack of a better term. A great counselor will be “long term” more like therapy and could provide you much more whole life…..more rounded benefits……that may well last your life span. Should you chose to investigate this avenue, I would interview counselors……and look for life experience…..real world…..with the educational credentials to go with it.

Book wise counselors might be ok but, life, years on the planet and working through ones own issues provides an education that can’t be found in any classroom except the classroom of hard knocks. I knew very quickly that my counselor was right for me……he felt me….and knew me….and all my shit and trickyness….he was one tough dude…..but a great man….for me.

Just a thought……it was a path I took for many reasons and never have regretted a moment…..

Toofat

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[sdwa]

Hi Tea,

I hear ya. I think Dr. J may have said in one of his videos something to the effect that it is helpful to go into counseling or coaching with a clear idea of what you hope to get out of it. I think this is important, based on my experience of stumbling around and not having a clue.

I am a veteran of about 20 years of traditional “therapy,” (before diagnosis) and found that about 20% of the people I worked with were helpful, while the others made things worse. Then there are always people who, when they hear my real problems, will basically respond like, “Gee, you’re really screwed up!” Thanks for the tip, doofus – I’m better qualified to counsel people than some of these folks were.

I worked with an ADD coach who was accredited by some coaching organization or other, both by an ADD coaches’ outfit and a regular “life coaching” place, plus had an MBA, and had been an Olympic swimmer – so I figured this was a person who knew how to do things, and who also made sense. Worked with him for 9 months. Very expensive. What I got out of it was encouragement and a clearer idea of what my skill set really is. Was it worth the money? It would have been worth more if I’d known what I was trying to accomplish. Dude has a blog radio show called “Attention Talk Radio,” which if you Google it, you can probably find and listen to for free.

While I was working with him I also got religious counseling from a tough guy who called me on my excuses and made me accept responsibility for the stupid situations I put myself in. That was painful and difficult, because I didn’t really understand how my ADHD drives my behavior, and because I already had such low self-esteem that any more reasons to feel bad crushed me. But I also got real and stopped resenting other people for my problems.

It’s good to fully grasp how the brain works. I’m now in a support group for people with ADHD, run by someone who has ADHD, and this helped to clarify that ADHD is a real problem, with symptoms that are common to all of us, that it is based in physiology, that it is not a character defect, and that I need to accept how it affects me before I can learn to work around it. I’d heard that before, but I didn’t believe it until I saw and heard others struggling with exactly the same kinds of issues. Been going to that for the better part of a year. I’d say this investment was well worth it – a group setting makes it real, reduces shame, helps me appreciate my strengths so I can build on them and let go of the things I’m not so good at.

You might be able to find a FREE CHADD support group in your area – I find that hearing other people’s stories reduces the emotional burden of the challenges of ADHD, as long as people are not sitting around making excuses and feeling sorry for themselves and reinforcing each other’s inertia.

Most recently I came across the video “ADD Crusher,” which is available in streaming video on Amazon. I think you can rent it for a few bucks (I bought it, it’s pricey – about $50.) This was made by another ADDer who’s distilled the best advice from about 200 ADD books into a simple collection of tips that really do help. Among them, cleaning up your diet – I quit sugar and stick to a low-carb lifestyle which has helped even out my moods. He also advocates exercise, but that is not all of it. The video is engaging and very watchable, apparently to become a series. While the “Totally ADD” video is great for raising awareness and recognizing the disorder, “ADD Crusher” provides a brass-tacks approach to taking steps to making it easier to live with ADHD. Simple stuff, but very to the point. You can probably find clips of it for free on YouTube.

So, for what it’s worth – sorry to ramble – I guess what I’m saying is that if you can approach any of these folks or resources with some notion of what kind of help you need (which may be difficult to identify – it was for me) you will get more out of working with them.

For me, I think I was so starved for validation, support, understanding, and encouragement, that I would listen to anyone even if their advice wasn’t helpful. Lost and totally confused, not knowing what was wrong with me, not understanding why I was different, feeling bad that other people could do things I couldn’t, feeling isolated and freakish…. I wanted a place to go where they wouldn’t kick me out, where I could feel “safe” emotionally. And I know now I can’t get acceptance from anyone but myself – but I can get that from myself, and have gradually become more successful at what I love to do, and that makes a big difference.

Hope this helps. Whatever your situation, you are not alone.

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[Robbo]

Thanks gang, great info All 3 of ya

I get it Tea, I can very much relate to what feels like fear and loathing inside me. I don’t know how you’re experiencing the reality of true parasites everywhere these days. But you are right, they are there. Maybe not as much as “I” think I see, but Crap man, I practically begged my doctor to check for real! parasites almost a year ago when my stomach problems, lack of appetite, and weight loss got bad. No parasites, a lot of stress. I’m just living in fear of getting duped again and death of course… DGMS. Stupid mistakes plague me like freakin crabs or lice.

My shadow scares the living daylights outa me! (small joke)

I’ve stared at what might be the same page wondering if it’s worth 17 bucks, more than twice. Heck, I was there just a couple days ago… maybe yesterday. I’m all over the freakin place. I’m glad I chose not to be stuck bleeding 17 bucks a month and procrastinating about actually listening to n reading the endless material they offer. LIfe sometimes feels like the “The valley of the shadow of death” to me. That valley is wearing me down, but it won’t kill me. I refuse, I defy, I don’t always have to learn the hard way. And I must remember, Fu&% em if they can’t take a joke.

Great post. sdwa, yours helped too. I’ve been procrastinating about getting a coach for a while now. Made a few calls. Found some dead ends. I’m taking a break from that hunt. I’m not crazy about spending that kind of money. I finally found a support group that may be close enough to what I need today. It’s a large enough group, just the right size. It’s well regulated, has a good actual real health care worker in charge. Not the blind leading the blind. The focus is anxiety. The ADHD support group I was told about n went to last night turned out to be a Gamblers Anonymous meeting… They invited me in. What the heck I said. I don’t gamble, never have! seriously. But it helped me get past the disappointment of getting the wrong directions, or getting the directions wrong. 12 step program meetings can be really good or really toxic. This one helped me just mellow out, shut up n listen. The social worker wrote the directions, so the mistaken group is on him. I’m gonna let go of the ADD coach idea for a while and see how this anxiety support group plays out. My history is very much the same as yours sdwa. Maybe too much therapy and support groups I sometimes think. Mostly just the wrong ones!. Snake oils and wonder cures are everywhere, it’s a dangerous world when ya have ADHD symptoms mixed with a lot of other varieties of trauma and insanity.

All of your post was helpful for me, I didn’t notice any rambling. It’s good to have some self discipline, I’ve been working on that. I have to just quit trippin on it when I feel like I made an ass outa myself. I didn’t get the impression that’s what you had going on between your ears. I can just relate to the pressure to keep things brief nowadays. Everyone’s in a dang hurry. Nobody has time to simply read, care, listen, be in service rather than expect to be served/helped. All my problems boil down to selfishness. I’m forgiven.

I probably clown around too much sometimes. That’s forgivable too.

I’m finding other places on the Net that fit me better with my problems. There are a lot of other ADDer sites out there. This one is great for nailing down the problem. There’s solution here too, just hard to find. (for me) and I’m a pig. Now I’m finally in a support group that’s not on the Internet. Good big step in the right direction. Real people, body language, eye contact. Sincere heartfelt service I can give. That’s the root of my solution.

I may end up spending less time here, I’ve learned a lot, added to the psycho-babble encyclopedia in my head and maybe it’s time to just focus on the solution. Keeping it simple, and organizing the most helpful stuff I’ve found here, and at other ADHD places on the net.

This ain’t the only rodeo. Not my first. Won’t be my last. What a wild ride though.

There’s no giving up in my book. Sometimes there’s moving on though.

Blues man… (toofat)

Now playing, “The Whole World is Coming Down” Ozzy Osbourne. (Ozzmosis) the song fits how I feel a lot of the time. That’s what I get for watching the news. Caring. That ain’t no crime either.

Music sweet music, I wish I could caress, kiss, kiss. Man ik de pression, it’s a full straight in mess. -hendrix- I’m pretty sure we ruled that out in the process of diagnosis years ago. I still wonder though…

I found an awesome Buddy Guy CD I bought but never listened to a couple days ago while organizing my CD piles. I now commit to practice more, Look at computer less.

Lot’s wrong with home boy.

God only knows the solutions.

Peace out gang.

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[Monika]

Hi Tea,

Please go check on http://www.flylady.net it’s a wonderful home and life maintenance website that is completely free. *full disclosure* they are able to keep it free by selling “Flylady tools” but you NEVER have to buy them. Neat things like timers, calendars, etc. but ALL the information is free.

If you check it out, contact me if you have any questions there is also lots of support/ motivation and guidance on Facebook and twitter and of course ….HERE!

Best wishes,

Monika

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[Robbo]

Thanks Monica,

I checked it out, it kinda looks like a lady’s place. Will I become less “Macho” if I go there? ***chuckle chuckle***

I like being a manly man… it’s a guy thing.

Understand?

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[Kissarissa]

Sdwa – great information sharing! Thanks!

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[Monika]

Actually @Robbo, there are most assuredly REAL men who use the fly system, remember that old song, “And all the ladies say I’m really FLY for a …Guy?”

For you to skip the “touchie feelie” stuff, you can get a grasp of it and the routines by printing out the student control journal to start with…http://www.flylady.net/i/pdf/student_coj.pdf and the home maintenance journal….http://www.flylady.net/i/pdf/home-maint_coj.pdf

and (if your finances have suffered like mine from neglect and mis-management) a peek at the FACE financial journal http://www.flylady.net/i/doc/face_coj.doc

They are all copyrighted so if you like them enough to share please credit the source http://www.flylady.net

And finally, (not knowing if you are in a romantic relationship or not, but if you are) You definitely need to know that the five SEXIEST words a woman can hear are….”Honey, I did the dishes.”

As all the ladies here can back me up….You absolutely do NOT turn in your “man card” when you help around the house.

Let me know how it goes?

Monika

P.S. And for a dose of testosterone you can always check in with the guys at http://www.heytom.net the y chromosome counterparts of http://www.flylady.net

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[Amy]

If you’ve got an iphone/ipod touch, I’d recommend the HomeRoutines app. It follows the FlyLady guide. Thumbs up!

Amy

http://acatwithadhd.com

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[Robbo]

Right on!

hehehe, you are so dang cool. Heck I’ll do the dishes this morning just because you made me feel encouraged to “do em like a man” ***grin*** I live alone, so if I don’t they could grow hair eventually, huh? No woman will have me at the present time, but heck, I ain’t no termite. there’s hope.

>>>>For you to skip the “touchie feelie” stuff, you can get a grasp of it and the routines by printing out the student control journal to start with… http://www.flylady.net/i/pdf/student_coj.pdf and the home maintenance journal….http://www.flylady.net/i/pdf/home-maint_coj.pdf <<<<<

I don’t mind a little touchy feelie stuff. Heck one time I almost got in touch with my female side, but then I got caught ummm. dressiing for the part… JUST A JOKE!!! I like your sense of humor, it’s great. And thanks tons for the extra links.

I live in an awesome very small town like 24 unit apartment complex, only retired ladys, a few gents. Literally about 5 total, I think. Most of us are a little disabled. I love my neighbors, (well, I try…) it’s like having a bunch of extra mom’s n sisters! My life is better indeed because of these wonderful ladies. the men are cool too. I’m the youngest, at 47. The average age is probably above 60. But they are a healthy hearty bunch, it’ likely some of them may even be reading this. So I will be held accountable for anything I say here for sure. I would never blow sunshine up anyone’s skirt. (lie, or stretch the truth all crazy n lopsided) These really are cool ladies. How many places in the world can you say you try not to go outside unless you’ve got an extra 10 or 60 minutes to just sit and talk? Regardless of how many times I’m running late and racing back n forth from my car to my apartment for stuff I forgot. They still understand when I say I’m running late n can’t talk. Cool huh?

Hmmm. I was just gonna thank you… Woops. So I ramble a little. It ain’t a dang crime huh?

Thanks Amy, eventually I’ll get a better cell phone, for now I just don’t have all that many friends so it would be a waste of money do spend more on my phone. Maybe by summer if my life keeps filling up the way it has been. I’ll be forced to get a phone I can surf the net with. For now I just don’t like reaching for the reading glasses every time want send or get a text. Yep, a little stubborn I know, but heck, gotta be honest.

K, later tamater.

Now playing : Black Pearl Jam Ten

12:15 pm pst 2/17/12

PS, I tried to fix all the typo’s but it’s a busy day.

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[munchkin]

Thanks for starting this thread Tea – I was wondering the same myself. I’m willing to invest in myself and try coaching, but I don’t want to get taken for a ride.

An ADD specialist who does coaching and counseling just moved to our town from a large metro area, and I can see all kinds of great reviews about him online (not on his own site). I’m going to meet with him next week. I’ll let you guys know if I learn anything from the process.

I’ve tried some regular counselors, but I think they were the “basic” type that toofat mentioned. sdwa – great information – there’s no CHADD in my area, but I’m going to check out that video.

-munchkin 2/24/12 (or is it 2/23?) haha

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[Monika]

@Robbo Nice work on the dishes! And it’s terrific to be surrounded by people who appreciate you.

@Amy Great to “see” another fan of http://www.flylady.net without them giving me the tools I need to be successful, I’d be so much less than what I am now.

@Tea I hope it’s going well. Best wishes,

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[Anonymous]

Yes. I was kind of skeptical about ADHD coaches. But, as an alternative to drugs, I looked into it and I have warmed up to the idea.

Others seem to report good experiences with coaching, that it keeps them on track. It is so hard to stay focused sometimes.

The negative, well, it would be just another thing to add to my already overwhelmed feeling. “oh no wedsday coach day.”

it probably depends on the coach….

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[munchkin]

I just started with a coach – I have my second session tomorrow. I’m brimming with excitement because he really seems to know his stuff, but my anxiety’s all in an uproar as well.

I keep putting the problem-solving on the back burner because looking at an overview of all the problems overwhelms me. I hope I can get help with some kind of a regimen for my life without turning into a nervous pile of mush. It’s going to have to be “baby steps” methinks…

My homework is to bring some of the problem areas i want to work on – I just keep thinking about the million and one problem areas and it puts me in a state of panic. I guess I’ll just have to find some kind of starting point and try to breathe. It was hard enough just to figure out whether or not I have the money to pay the guy.

Can I get coaching on how to pay for the coaching? Ha!

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[Monika]

Hey Munchkin,

Totally understand the completely overwhelmed chicken with missing head feeling….a suggestion…

google the four square to do list from Covey. I just pulled up this one quickly for you to get the idea

http://tinobox.com/wordpress/productivity/todo-sorting-by-coveys-and-blanchardquadrant/

Complete it and perhaps you’ll be able look at it and share with your new coach which problems are “important and due soon” that you need to address first .

Let us know how it goes/went?

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[Author]

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