Computers, me, ADHD and a spouse who still doesn't get it

[Anonymous]

I am technically challenged. Adobe Flashplayer went kaput and I’d already reloaded 2Xs – it says successfully. Not. Because if I try to play a video it still says I need it – always had it before. ARGH!!! Enter loving spouse – he offered to help which I accepted. It never ends well when he “helps” me with a computer issue. Sigh. After an hour of us working together to resolve it – he’s no whiz either but he has persistance – I lost focus and was no longer keeping up. His voice took on that tone that I just hate – annoyed, condescending, impatient – I asked him to stop it. (Stop what? – he truly doesn’t hear it.) I really tried to refocus but it didn’t last, he got mad, I burst into tears … He’s said that he understands ADHD (inattentive) but how can he? I’d rather watch paint dry than try and fix computer issues. He sees me able to pay attention to many things but can’t get why I can do that some of the time but not on techie stuff. He won’t read the books that I have on ADHD. They don’t interest him. Ha. Tired, sad, frustrated …

REPORT ABUSE

[Amy]

What browser are you using?

Also, did you uninstall it from Start/Control Panel/Programs & Features? If not, try doing that and then reinstall it.

Amy

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Yup, that’s where we unistalled from. But thanks!!!

REPORT ABUSE

[Tiddler]

Aw, Bellamom, that’s really tough. My focus drifts like that too and my husband and I are not good at doing ‘projects’ together.

Has he seen the film (ADD and loving it?)?

REPORT ABUSE

[Amy]

Are you using Internet Explorer? I had a problem a few months back where you had to uninstall something from the browser itself. I can google and find it again if you are using IE.

REPORT ABUSE

[Geoduck]

Well, looks like you’re on the site. That’s a good start. When your Adobe Flash gets working again, try what I did, with my hubby. Watch the videos while hubby is in the room, and make sure the volume is up LOUD. LOL! Hubby found the videos entertaining enough to draw his interest, and learned a lot about ADHD.

Watching the documentary, “ADD and Loving it,” helped quite a bit, too. We stumbled on that while channel surfing, then I discovered the website.

Engaging him about your issues while he is already frustrated over a broken computer will only result in you both being in tears. Best to just back off and let him (if you trust him) figure out he can’t fix it on his own, then let him have his frustration moment and go back and discuss things when he and you are both more calm.

Still, something I learned with kids. If you try to discuss something important while everybody is frustrated and patience is at a low, you will get nowhere. Same goes with adults. Back off, wait until everyone is relaxed, then try again, with a calm approach.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Tiddler, We haven’t seen ADD and Loving It. I think I should order it and do as Geoduck suggests – have it LOUD.

Thanks!

REPORT ABUSE

[JimC.]

@Bellamom: that’s me, I’m the “helping” male spouse, but I have ADD, not my ex. I used to get so frustrated with her I lost civility from time to time. She never got it in terms of being more tech savvy. She never will. Unfortunately Adobe Flash can be a real challenge, we’ve all been there. I fixed mine by Googling the problem while describing the browser I was using and eventually it came back.

I second the ordering of ADHD DVD and watching together, plus there are a few good books on relationships with one partner being ADHD. Everyone here has a different book that worked for them and use the tons of links and help videos on this site to get the dialogue going better, it’s free and if you don’t…well…expect more of the same. My best book was (and is suggested somewhere on this site):

“The ADHD Effect on Marriage” – rebuild your relationship in six steps. by Melissa Orlov.

Good luck, we’re rooting for you, Jim

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Hi JimC, Thanks! We’re good again, doing the stuff that we enjoy together! DH is a phone techie and does trouble shooting for work. Even tho he’s not a computer whiz, he gets paid to be persistent and does not understand those who pick up computers and fling them off a cliff instead of doggedly working away at it. We have not attempted to fix Flashplayer again but I’d like it back. I’ll try what you suggest.

Going to order the DVD too.

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

Bellamom – “flinging them at a cliff” is far more efficient than persisting. Firstly, it’s a great release of pent-up irritation and secondly, it means you go and buy a new computer and some nice person in the computer shop installs the offending programme for free. Bonus.

REPORT ABUSE

[trashman]

Good one, Scattybird.LOL

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Scattybird, I like the way you think!

REPORT ABUSE

[JimC.]

I disagree.. *everyone* knows that the correct methodology is to smash the dang thing with a huge rubber mallet…repeatedly, sort of “whack-a-mole” style.

I feel better already ;o)

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

Make it a 40lb steel mallet and I’ll be with you on that one.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts