Concerta xl 36mg . Help am I going mad there\'s got to be someone feeling same

[kirky]

Im now 30 years old and was diagnosed with adhd when I was a kid . I was on Ritalin from I think the age of 10 till I was 17 then I came off slowly as i was better and the shrink no longer thought I needed them so I am told . Anyway I grew up feeling normal or what I thought is normal “I might not have been ” but anyway let’s get to the present . So I am engaged to my fiancée and she’s great we have been together 4 years and she has a 11 yo girl who is also great . Things went ok for the first 12 months but then things changed over the next few years we were arguing More and more to the point now where we were at it everyday also I went very paranoid and thought she would cheat on me and had thoughts like why is she with me ect . Long story short I went to the docs and he said I had relapsed on my adhd and he thought it was because I took on a kid , dog, house , relationship , and all the responsibility that comes with all that in just a couple of years when I was used too living at my parents having no worries apart from paying keep . Now I feel like I’m loosing my mind . They help with the fact we don’t argue anymore as I stop and take things in before I speak ect but I have gone scared as hell , paranoid , nervous, fidgety , irratble and anxious as hell I can’t put into words how anxious I have gone . I feel like when my mates speak to me there all talking at the same time down my ear and the volume amiifies massively . I sit there scared but unsure of what I’m scared of my heart races all the time I feel like I’m trapped and can’t find a way out . I’m numb emotionally and haven’t a clue how to be happy anymore I used to be so much fun messing and joking around . I remember what I used to be like with my partner and I haven’t got a clue how to get back ! I feel so so lost and scared I feel like I’m going to be stuck like this forever because the things that go on in my head I haven’t a clue how to Explain them because I don’t know how I feel if that makes sense I have these thoughts and feelings but can’t explain them so if I can’t explain them how the hell am I surposed to get fixed ? I have to force my self to be happy and now I can’t even do that anymore I get so scared and anxious and everything g gets too much and the only way to tame it slightly is to go upstairs lay on my bed with my fingers in my ears and my eyes shut till it calms a bit then all I want to do is be alone and in total silence waiting to go to bed so that the next day might be better . I wait to sleep and sometimes try to sleep early so the Demons go away . I get so upset when I think about what’s going on because I have no idea what’s happening to me and I feel so lost and alone that I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better and I say alone because nobody knows what’s going on in my head and when I try to explain peoe think they know but I know they don’t they just think they do because I don’t know so how is anyone else surposed to ! So I feel so alone and when I talk to the doc and explain what is going on I think am I explaining it correct what if I’m telling him I feel anxious because that’s what I think it is but really it’s something totally different but he’s diagnosing me on anxiety for example . Then I’m never going to get fixed . The side effects are too much for me to handle everyone keeps saying il get better but it’s ok for them cod there not as lost as I am . I keep thinking each day am I being normal today so I feel ok but the truth is I don’t know what is normal anymore or what is ok so even if I get to the point where I’m better I feel to far gone to realise and it scares the shit out of me that I will have to live my life like this and I do t know if I can . Is anyone else in the same position as me here the way I’m feeling ect or anyone that understands what I’m going through ? Because I really really could do with someone to talk to who knows exactly what’s going on in my head and is having the same issues this feels like the only way to try and get through this

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