Confused and lost in career, and new obsession.

[Anonymous]

I have a new obsession now,

Although I have no money for college, currently unemployed I want to study Art and Design. Scary right? I was worried I had no goals, but now that I know what to do, I have no idea how to go about it.

My first choice of country to study in was UK but found it incredibility expensive, next was France, what better place to study Art and Design than Paris right? though working while studying is not an option there, my last option is New York.

I do not know what took me so long to realize this. All of my high school text books are filled with art , scribbles I did while attending those long conceptual lectures. I always thought that was my way of concentrating, it certainly helped a lot for my attention, I mean I scored a lot because I paid attention in class, I did all this doodling away to glory instead of jotting down notes.

But now that my HR career is not working for me, I want to transition in to either ‘Art and Design’ or ‘Advertising and communication’. If there is one thing I can do is present ideas and speak about it, for hours and hours. Next my hand has a mind of its own, while thinking it automatically starts to drawing, almost like the hand is possessed

All day every day all I can think about is a career where I get to present ideas,create art and innovate. I feel naive for thinking this but yet it’s all I see in my mind.

I think I can probably survive studying while working but that seem to be a wishful thinking, there is only few hours you are permitted to work on a student visa and it doesn’t seem like it would cover the costs. I wonder if having prior work experience is a plus.

Anyway, I feel as lost as ever, may be this is a bad idea I should not pursue further, I mean, at the end, I would be immersed in student loan and would be spending next year ( few years) or so paying it off, that is, if I manage to get placed in a good job, it seems like an awful lot of risk, on the other hand, studies were never my weak point, I am sure going by my past experience I would be doing good things whist in college, it’s post that joining a job where problems arise. Thanks to prior experience both my confidence and self esteem are pretty banged up, and when I say bang up I mean exactly like Rocky Balboa looked after he suffered humiliating loss. And I wont be making the famous comeback like him though.

What if I face the exact same problems I face now while working, even though I hang on by the hope that I would be doing what I love, what if that is not enough.

Before all this happens, will I even get the student loan approved, and what if I am unable to pay off, What if there isn’t much of scope from art and design students. Sure before joining the course people would say good things about it. I know. That was the case when I was about to join MBA, I did all the research, spoke with everyone, and explored all options, everyone said MBA was a good idea, now I know better, there was tons of things I could have done except for MBA, not like I did bad int he course, came out with flying colors, but I chose the more deadly profession for me.

Now I am having a physical reaction to the work human resources. I do not like it, I do not want to pursue it anymore.

I do not know what to do anymore, all I know is I want to draw, illustrate, design and create ideas and brain storm new ideas, I know very well what hard work is, I just want to LOVE what I do, I do not are if i end up in a state of Koroshi in the process. If I love what I do , it would be an honor.

I can not pretend, I am not designed to pretend, I can not bitch about my work and continue in the field as if nothing happened, I do not want to fake smile and ive fake assurance to people.

Sorry for the long rant, just thinking out loud, more like transferring out excessive thoughts in to pensive ( High Five for Harry Potter reference)

I hope to post something cheerful in the future

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[ashockley55]

At first I read “worried I had no goats.”

That was fun.

I did the same thing. I became a teacher, even though it totally went against my personality (I’m not a disciplinarian.)

Didn’t take me long to burn out, get miserable, get depressed, get sick, then finally get gone.

Like you, I have a creative leaning. I like to write.

Right now, I’m waiting tables and I’m in an M.F.A. program. I’m incredibly, incredibly poor. My financial situation is very unsteady, and a source of constant stress.

You have to weigh your options, but, probably it will become worth your sanity to get out of your current job. Just be fully aware of what you’re doing, and try not to make any rash decisions or completely burn up any bridges.

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