Counselling for marriage (probably both of us have ADHD, one might have ADD)

[Anonymous]

I think that my husband and I may need to seek professional marital counselling but with someone who specializes in adult ADHD. Can anyone make a suggestion from their own experience for a therapist in the Toronto area or up in Barrie? Is this covered by insurance? Do I need a referral from my family doctor?

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[Anonymous]

Hey no dopamine……an counselor is difficult to find. A great counselor, is even harder to find. There are many counselors out there but to find one that works for you is difficult. To find a counselor that works for both (in a couple) the list gets even shorter. Shop, shop a lot, it is a life decision you are making…..it can influence you for ever…..if they are good. Singles rather than couples counseling may be the answer to begin with……don’t discount that avenue. This process is s-l-o-w and should be, any counselor who suggests a few sessions might be all you need is suspect. Maybe separate counselors is the answer, all counselors don’t work for everybody.

I found that my counselor….and I went to him for quite a few years was capable of working with me because of who he was, not who I was. I guess what I’m trying to share and doing it poorly is a good or great counselor, should be able to guide you through whatever it is, regardless,ADD or otherwise.. A good counselor in my mind has insite, and experience in life, real life and real life issues. I would suggest it helps if they have met and conquered their own life obstacles and tasks. Many counselors have been to school and have credentials all over the wall, but if they have not been there, done that, then for me, credentials are just wall paper.

As i said, I’m not sure a counselor has to be an ADD specialist………as much as they have to be a life specialist and guide. First and foremost I would look for one that is internally healthy…..not easy to find. A good one will sit down and tell you their story if you ask…I find that aspect critical. No story…..no thanks!!!

Just my view….I wish you well. It was best thing I ever did, and the hardest.

toofat

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I agree TooFat. Finding the right person is key.

I remember going to a Marriage Counsellor when my first marriage was ending and it felt completely perfunctory. Professional. Nice. Pleasant. But simply someone dispensing observations and generalizations. That said, we only went once.

The other big factor in therapy is actually the patient. You. Or in my case, me. If you are clear what you want therapy for, if you are prepared to be honest, to share it all, to be vulnerable and open and take the coaching, things will progress. If you’re just showing up to kind of rehash the week and come away feeling a bit better, or convince the therapist that it’s everyone else’s fault (Whatever the problems are) then I suspect it will quickly become another dead-end relationship. Albeit professional. I have known a couple of people who have had a complete mental breakdown. Complete. Very successful people. They ended up in a Psych Ward, locked up. And both of them, very early one, surrendered to the process. They did what the Doctor’s suggested. They made use of all the classes, workshops, therapy sessions, activities, day trips, you name it. And they turned their lives around very quickly. One told me that there were group therapy sessions every evening at 7:00, and it wasn’t mandatory but everyone was encouraged to go. Only two people about of forty in the ward went. They were the first ones to find their stability, be released, and get back to their lives.

A marriage counsellor doesn’t have to be an expert about ADHD, but you can send them here and get them up to speed as quickly as you can.

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[Anonymous]

Rick…….I believe your bang on with that story!!! One (from my perspective) really has to submerge themselves and surrender to the process…absolutely open up and trust…..it’s not easy!!! Yes again Rick……the therapist, counselor…whatever you chose as a descriptor is “key”. “critical”. Was to me anyway. Hahaha…I went for one set of reason’s (of course) but stayed for another entirely different set….wow that was painful!!! It took a while, but my counselor…….was great….he was tough, but had me nailed “to a T”. I will never, ever, forget him….ever……he gave me me back…..and I’ll never leave me again.

Thanks for that little reminder Rick……. and no ADD expertise is not required, not at all…not from my perspective anyway….it is something larger than that…..much larger.

Toofat

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