Crying at Work

[Born this way]

Have you ever had a rush of emotion come over you at work? If some one gives me a hard exhale, eye roll, or just a tad of negative criticism it always feels so harsh and hurtful to me. I feel anxious that I’m going to get something wrong or not understand what they are asking. I try to confirm and repeat what I understand. But then it’s like they become so impatient and seem to talk with this condescending tone. I’ve been having a difficult time fighting back the tears. I don’t want to be seen crying at work. I don’t want to stand out as the difficult one or have everyone tip toeing around me. I feel like I am always easy going, empathizing, and understanding person who accepts everyone. But I rarely get any return on it. Other people seem to make the same mistakes and don’t get the badgering I do. That totally hurts. I always seem to be present when the hurtful comments are made too. Where’s the inattentive when I need it? Why can’t I stop thinking about it either? Anyone know how to pop themselves back to calmness when they have the lump in their throat?

REPORT ABUSE

[Geoduck]

YES!!! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Y-E-S!!!!

It’s one huge reason why I’m afraid to re-enter the workforce. Not just at work, though. I’ve been at home for 12 years, and get this in the many volunteer opportunities I’ve had. I’ve always chalked some of it up to being a little socially out of the loop. However, I do know that some sensitivity stuff comes from ADHD. The whole idea of not being able to just move on, and you focus too much on stuff like that.

However, I think there’s another ADHD related thing: It’s like you’ve been told you were not good enough all your life and when people say this to me or criticize me, it really, really just hurts. I even cringe when somebody asks me if “we can talk,” expecting the worst, which most times, actually the conversation turns out alright.

I also am very empathetic to others and expect the same in return, but don’t get it. I also know what you are talking about when you see others getting away with the same thing that got you in trouble. ADDers do have a very strong sense of justice. That’s part of it, sure. However, when you are personally singled out over and over and other people get let off the hook, it is hard to NOT take it personally.

You’d think that after being criticized a million times over, you’d just start letting it roll of your back. I can’t. I can’t just let things roll off my back and will continue to involuntarily think about those things for days, weeks, months, even years after they’ve happened.

I annoy me

REPORT ABUSE

[Born this way]

To add insult to injury when I got home I waited till after the kids went to bed. I started to talk with my husband about how I had a bad day and the Boss was criticizing me in front of the team about a decision I made. I totally ran it by him 2 times he even liked my idea and now he’s totally denying it! He threw me under the bus and everyone is piling on with these jokes and a “I can’t believe you did that” attitude. While describing this to my husband I then got a “why did you let that happen?” “never take the blame for something you didn’t do!” Now 😥 breaking down I said, “well, I took time to pause and say we had to do it this way because “somebody” (boss) couldn’t make a decision. I was shocked 😯 that he threw me under the bus and realized he had no recollection that he gave approval. I felt so angry 👿 I could storm out but or yell at him. I was trying not to overreact and make my boss look bad to the team. I wanted the joking to end. I told him I’ll fix it and then confront him alone. As I’m calming my self down the crying rushes over me. Lip trembles, voice cracks. I could not talk to him. Does ADHD medication work for keeping your cool? I’m only on 200mg Zoloft.

Thanks for your post Geoduck. I try so hard to avoid those situations.

REPORT ABUSE

[Geoduck]

“I can’t believe you did that” attitude. While describing this to my husband I then got a “why did you let that happen?” “never take the blame for something you didn’t do!”

Yeah, I used to get that with the hubby, too. It’s true, though. I don’t know if it’s ADD or not, but I tend to take the fall for other people. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl and we’re taught to “make nice” too much. >

Oh Zoloft did nothing for me. However, it’s an antidepressant and was prescribed for depression, not ADHD, and I didn’t even depression at the time, just a bad doctor. I take adderall for ADHD. It doesn’t seem to help with the emotional stuff, except the temper. I also have the ADHD temper issues. I keep my cool in that I don’t explode, but for some reason still take stuff waaaay too personally, or gnaw on stuff that is personal way too long. Really wish I could do that “water off a ducks back” thing, but nope.

Also, if you are taking Zoloft for depression, realize that depression could be your cause. It takes Zoloft about a month to work, and so if you just started taking it, you’ll need to give it time. Also, if you’ve been on it for a while, this drug may not be addressing all the symptoms of depression, and you need to talk to your doc about how it’s working, possibly changing drugs. Not every drug works for everyone in the same way and there may be something better out there.

I keep trying, but still chew on things, especially in the middle of the night. One thing I used to do when I worked was to put on a very funny show. Anything that could really make me laugh and laugh hard. It just seemed to help, somehow.

The other thing is a lot of this may be more from your past than ADHD. Like if you’re a woman, being told to make nice all the time. Especially if you are really trying hard to earn people’s respect, it’s hard not to do the “make nice” thing. It’s even harder to shrug stuff off. Still, there are a million things in your past that make you who you are now. Dealing with that has helped more than dealing with the ADHD, but I still have issues with it, to tell you the truth.

For what it’s worth, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, but if you are dealing with an asshat of a boss, you’ll have to weigh whether it is better to bide your time until you can find a better position, or whether you should confront him and face whatever damage that will cause. Having done this, it has backfired and made my life more miserable than necessary. Still suffering some PTSD from that job. LOL! Had I just laid low until I found a better job, I would have at least spared myself some retribution from the boss.

Also, before you confront your boss, ask a trusted (emphasis on trusted) friend, who has known you for a few years, about how they perceive you. You may be doing something that is making the problem worse. Everyone does this. We just don’t see ourselves the same way others see us. Sometimes, a good friend can give us that perspective.

For example, my friend told me, after one of my many work exchanges, that my problem was that I had an over-inflated sense of responsibility. I grew up in a huge family, and was responsible for my younger siblings in a more than normal way. He thought that I never learned to NOT be responsible. He told me to just let go of some of these things, that if someone else could do it, I wasn’t doing them any favors by doing it for them. It’s why I’d take the blame for stuff, and it’s why I’d offer to do more than I had any business doing. The more I thought about it, the more I saw what he was saying. It gave me something to work on. I still am prone to doing this, but I’m working on it.

Good luck!

REPORT ABUSE

[Born this way]

I talked with a co worker and she said he’s been denying things too and that he’s under lots of pressure.

I do exactly that! I’m too responsible. The Psychologist said certain personalities in the corporate setting often gravitate to people like us cause after your self esteem and reputation has been “raped” we will accept all the responsibility. I’ve been working on it too.

I know my older brother is definitely ADHD but he’s in complete denial thinking it’s another excuse. When we were growing up I was always the conscientious one who’d consider the consequences. It is a constant throughout my life. I’m also the peace keeper at work. I can’t have conflict. Often getting in the middle and then get stuck with the problem and guilt. I tell myself I should not care! How can I be inattentive and be so sensitive! You are right about the “make nice” but I feel like it was a personal decision. “Do unto others…” I just got it. I didn’t have good parenting. My Dad was always an angry man and my mom was inattentive. I just tried not to get yelled at.

BTW I am not officially diagnosed. For years I thought it was my thyroid. My son started having problems in school. He just got diagnosed. All it took was describing his emotions and hyperactivity and they put him on Concerta. I’m stuck, unable to find some one who does the testing. I made an appointment with a psychologist who listed in the directory that they did testing. I thought we would do the interview and then do testing. But after my 3rd appointment she said my insurance doesn’t pay enough for her testing. After a few more visits she said that she believes I am ADHD she just can’t officially give me the diagnosis. She said Zoloft will help me be calm and stop the uncontrolled emotions. That it is prescribed for women with co morbidity and I will stop obsessing. I took 50mg for a month and 100mg for almost 2 months. I don’t think it’s working. I feel like the frustration and depression comes from not finding the right words to say when I’m pitching an idea or describing a plan of action and then when I have to explain a problem. That’s when I get the eye rolls. I have some great ideas and access to get stuff done I just can’t seem to finish them.

Based on my sons dx, maybe I can ask for an ADHD med now?

REPORT ABUSE

[Geoduck]

Where do you live??? How extensive is this “testing,” anyway? Really, I had a few conversations with my doc, he asked about family history, my history, gave me a test that is actually available under “Tools” on this website, diagnosed me, and lectured me about other things to do that will work better than meds, then gave me the medication, so I can focus on those other things.

Maybe part of that is that he’s my family doc and has had a chance to observe me over a few years, but really, it’s not like a huge IQ test or anything like that. Getting the meds from the pharmacist was more of a hassle, because it required insurance approval.

If you don’t feel you are getting the treatment you need, switch doctors. If you don’t think it’s working, and the doctor refuses to listen or help you with the ADHD, find somebody who will. It sounds like she’s giving you the runaround. Could you ask your son’s doc for a better dr. recommendation? Could your son’s doc evaluate you, or is he a pediatrician?

REPORT ABUSE

[Born this way]

I live in West Michigan. I’ve visited the psychologist specializing in ADHD testing since early June. Started out by saying I took this online test and researching online because my son’s teacher has been hinting and his report cards reflect it. Got 8 out of 9 in inattention and 9-9 on hyperactive/impulsive. Didn’t know it was genetic. Totally explains my dad and brother. I’ve been bounced back and forth from the psychologist to my doc. Psychologist sends diagnosis of Acute Depression to my doc who puts me on Zoloft. Which sounds so F’d-up during my doctor visit. My doc says I need to see her a few more times or get a referral. I had been to the psychologist 8 times talking about “my ADHD!” I went from looking into ADHD to wanting the diagnosis then to maybe I don’t need the diagnosis, and now I’m ready to try medication I can’t get the diagnosis!!! 👿 For my son, his teacher answered some questions and we filled out the same questionnaire and I told his pediatrician I was seeing someone about our ADHD and I came in more prepared with his grades, my1st-10th report cards, and my mom’s and my test from this site in case she was dismissive but she offered up medication right away. I told her about my struggles and I got shrugs go back to your doctor.

I called a psychiatrist I had seen a bunch of times who has prescribed antidepressants for me and knows my story but she retired. Her office is not taking new patients till January. I didn’t think I was new.

I’m thinking of playing some of these videos on my blackberry for my doctor. Or maybe inflate my symptoms to be more dysfunctional and say that I’m about to lose my job and get divorced. I wish Dr J could leave a video saying his patient has a genetic link and proof from her child hood, please see that she gets treatment.

REPORT ABUSE

[Born this way]

Oh BTW, I mentioned to the psychologist that I picked her from the directory because it said “specializing in ADHD/ADD testing.” I remember there being several doctors she was the closest. Now I go back to that site months later and there is no one listed anymore. WTF?

REPORT ABUSE

[Geoduck]

How frustrating!!!

The problem is that depression shares symptoms with ADD, so maybe that’s why the psychologist is not convinced. However, if you do have ADD, and they are only treating the depression, how is that going to help? Especially if your depression is caused by the ADD???

I’d have a very good conversation with the psychologist that diagnosed the depression, and ask her what her reasoning is for that.

Does the directory list anyone else? Maybe she was removed for a reason. Going back and forth between the two is not getting you any results for either problem, it sounds like. Time for a big gigantic change, all around. Does your insurance limit you on who you can see?

REPORT ABUSE

[Born this way]

I’m going to try to go back to my doctor. I have my grades from elementary school. There are computer print-outs with the carbon copy that specifically say, “Does not finish work on time and is performing under her potential.” I also have some from high school that say the same thing and shows my poor reading comprehension plus I was getting a D- in drivers ed!

The psychologist removed “ADHD testing” from the online directory after I told her I specifically chose her because I wanted to be tested. She said everyone in her group had it removed too. She would not refer me cause no one wants my insurance. I took the Barkley test. It revealed PTSD and depression. I know now that much of my anxiety is because I feel like I’m going to miss what is important. I want to tape what they are saying so I can rewind and listen again. I do better if directions are written down. I do extremely bad when people start talking down to me or they state the obvious. I’m so sensitive to people thinking I’m stupid.

Thanks for replying Geoduck!

REPORT ABUSE

[Carrie]

OH OH OH!! YAY!! I GET TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO SAY……….. http://youtu.be/ITeuaqcpckc http://youtu.be/ITeuaqcpckc http://youtu.be/ITeuaqcpckc

SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!

YES! ONE FOR CARRIE!

REPORT ABUSE

[allan wallace]

Crying at work, eh? The only thing that would make me cry at work would be being at bloody work! The weeping and gnashing of teeth that I’ve done before my injection into a gulag, whether it was an office, building site, warehouse, or any other form of cruel and unusual punishment…I would have told the boss to go forth and multiply before I told him that he could shove the stupid job up his exhaust pipe…bloody work! *spits* It’s way over-rated, and I never will be defined, or validated by a stupid job…

REPORT ABUSE

[Tiddler]

I’ve cried twice at work since September – once was quietly at the back of the room and only one person noticed. The second time I left the room and cried in the toilets. Both times I was perfectly fine within minutes.

Emotions flare up SO quickly and they’re hard to ‘put back’.

I have been experimenting with a ‘happy place’ and I find that works quite well as long as I am not already over the edge.

REPORT ABUSE

[allan wallace]

Hey, this thread reminds me of that song ‘crying on the dancefloor’ or something…remember it?

REPORT ABUSE

[laddybug3]

@Born this way I know exactly what you are talking about. Used to cry at college, because of my marks. I had this one test were I study and got an F and other test that I forgot to study and got an B. If I did a paper at four in the morning I would get a high B to a low A. However, the moment I received criticism the tears would come.

Then I had to take a final at the library. To this day I don’t know how I finished the exam or missed one question. I couldn’t remember the answer to this one question. I gazed up at the clock and freaked out because I was still on the question and I was working on it for ten minutes. When I went to the next question I noticed I answered it. It was in my handwriting and the answer sounded good. I checked the exam five times and all the questions were answered. Taking a breath I turned in my exam. A few weeks later I found I only missed one question. I cried when I left the library. So afraid of failing.

Even went to the consoling center for help. I also forgot to mention anything about ADD.

The only thing that worked for me was thinking about the sky or something outside. Sometimes I have something soft that comforted me in my purse so I could touch. Note the thing was small and fit in my hand. Like a piece of fabric or a smoothed rock.

The breathing exorcises didn’t work it just made me cry more.

Hoped this helps

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts