The Forums Forums For The Non-ADD I Married An ADDer Dealing with a parent with ADD

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    #88124 |

    It can be difficult but I want to learn how to help. thank you.

    #91248 |

    Can you giev more details? What is it like to have a parent with ADD? My husband has ADD and I sometimes worry how this disorder may affect his parenting.

    #91251 |

    One of the biggest challenges with ADHD Parenting is that we can be uneven or forgetful about the rules we’ve put in place. So one parent is saying one thing, while the ADDer, who agreed with their spouse about what the rules were about snacks, homework, fighting, tidying, chores or whatever, has now forgotten what they agreed to and let’s the kid go have fun. In fact, may even join the kid in having fun.

    So the Non-ADHD parent is left feeling unsupported. Plus they’re frustrated that all the time taken to develop the parenting rules has apparently been thrown out the window and a complete waste of time. The common complain is, “I feel like I have an extra child and I’m a single parent.”

    Part of the solution is frequent checking in, and reminding each other what the rules are. Cause the kids will exploit any chink in the armour, and you are hardwired, from the moment they’re born and start crying, to respond to their upsets.

    #91252 |

    Oh, I have so much to offer…is there a way to get together? I was so disheartened to see that you all were in the Baltimore region lately. Years ago, I thought of writing a book titled “To know us is to love us”. I have since realized it should have more appropriately been titled to “understand us” is to love us/

    You have me totally turned on to what is great and special about Adders….

    I don’t know, it has been nine months since the last response…

    I think you need me,,,an aging female who has totally succeeded with tenacity and HUMOR!

    Is any body out there on this blog? Hope so….nine months is a long stretch…could have had another child, if I weren’t so old..

    ps: my three sons are outstanding, two with adhd, one, in the middle that helped me survive….hope to hear something…



    Odd…This thread is at the top, but the last post showing was over two years ago.



    LOL! @Rick, we used to take advantage of my parents, this way. They would set rules, and quickly forget them. Unfortunately, now my kids have me figured out.

    Dealing with my own ADHD Dad, though, has other issues. If that is what the original question is about, mostly it revolves around my father’s explosions and his tendency to want to ramp up his adrenaline level by arguing. Since I have ADHD, as well, he would pick fights, but I’d more than willingly jump right in there with him. Sound familiar? It has gotten worse with age, and, understandably, when he is going through a rough time.

    Now I can see this coming, and I’ll call him on it. He and I both laugh, and then I take advantage of his non-medicated state (he thinks he doesn’t have ADHD) and quickly change the subject. The only problem I haven’t figured out how to deal with is when he goes all inappropriate in front of the kids. UGH!

    Patte Rosebank

    The really tricky part is when you reach the stage where the roles are reversed, and you find yourself having to “parent” your own aging parents…who still regard YOU as the one THEY need to “parent”, because even though you’re in your 40s, you’re still single with no kids.

    Fortunately, my brother and I think very much alike, so we can help each other with this frustrating situation. And we both appreciate the irony of phoning each other each and starting with, “YOUR parents…” just as Mom used to call Dad at work and start with, “YOUR children…” when we were little.

    To top it off, Mom was finally tested & diagnosed with ADHD, a couple of months ago, aged 75. She showed some improvement during her first month on Wellbutrin, but has refused to refill the prescription, because she wants to travel to England again, and has to have “stabilized” medical conditions (no Rx changes) for at least 6 months, in order to get out-of-country medical insurance.

    So, she’s going to continue struggling and suffering with untreated ADHD for six months, in hopes of being able to travel for a couple of weeks next year, even though she won’t really enjoy the trip, because she’s struggling with untreated ADHD.

    At least I can keep educating and encouraging her, by using the Coaching skills I’m learning.

    Anybody else with parents who are going through this “awkward phase”?

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