Discovered by accident

[Carry]

Well, not really.. but still.

I was undergoing treatment for having a (reoccurring, moderate-to-severe) depression. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to be precise. And to see whether I needed a course to sharpen the required skills (to analyze and challenge my negative thinking patterns), I had an appointment with a psychologist, at the center where I am being treated, to have an interview for that course. You’re still with me? Bare with me, I’m Dutch.

So, I missed that appointment… and the rescheduled one… and the one after that, despite the raging reminders in my organizer. (I never miss an appointment with my psychologist… she would have had way more difficulty picking on it (hyperfocus))

After I finally had the interview, he suggested to my psychologist to explore the possibility of ADD, which we did. That’s when the sun started shining for me again. One big happy recognition extravaganza. I am very, VERY happy to have been diagnosed.

I’m on medication right now (Rubio: methylfenidate) and I’ll be attending a course, later this month, about AD(H)D. There’s a law in the Netherlands that states that psychologists and psychiatrists are obligated to educate the patient on the ailment that’s been diagnosed. When we (specialized psychiatrist and I) find the right medication dosage, I’ll return to my psychologist to see what’s left to be treated, now that we have probably found the main source of my depressions.

For my next treatment, I think I’ll have the negativethinkingspiral surgically removed…

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[Anonymous]

Your story is very similar to mine. I had been in therapy a few times for depression and various anxiety disorders. They helped somewhat with dealing with these feelings, but I would always come back to the anxiety and depression because of the things I would do (constantly forgetting appointments, losing track of time, forgetting to pack my kids’ lunches! etc)…it took a toll on my self -esteem, no matter how many coping strategies I had!

When I started taking Children’s Mental Health in University, I started realizing that two my children definitely had symptoms of ADHD. It was when I was writing a paper about untreated ADHD kids growing into adults that I realized I was writing about myself!!

Getting diagnosed was a huge eye-opener for me as well and relieved SO much tension and almost immediately restored my self esteem. I knew I wasn’t “Crazy”!

I hope you find the medication helpful. I haven’t been very lucky with meds yet, but it hasn’t stopped me from trying other things to get myself more organized, like using a whiteboard by the front door (color-coding our activities), and making sure that calendar matches my PDA device which comes with me everywhere. It has taken a long time to get into this habit, and I still make mistakes and tend to run late…but I have missed only a few appointments in the last year so there is a definite improvement there!

I LOVE your idea of having the “negativethinkingspiral” surgically removed!!!! Sign me up for that procedure too!! ;o)

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[Carry]

Thank you for your response! (as soon as I find the surgeon who knows where it’s located, I’ll let you know!)

Medication is (or feels like it’s) working miracles for me. I’m still in the process of finding the right dosage, but already I notice that I can keep track of a conversation, even when my wife is talking to me from the living room, when I’m doing the dishes.

BTW, she really has to get used to the ‘new’ me! That’s gonna take a while, since I have to get used to me too. My three year old son even gives me a certain ‘hey, something’s different about you’ glare, every now and then. (Keeping a close eye on him now too, given my diagnosis, ofcourse)

The only thing I’m discovering now, is that even though I am now ABLE to concentrate, I still have to put in the effort to do so. The effort is not so much in trying to concentrate, but more in changing my habits, since they didn’t change overnight with the meds. So things like your whiteboard by the front door, the “bucket” concept that Dr. Jain suggests in one of the video’s and keeping everyones organizers in sync, are still really good ideas to help bending those old ADD driven habits, into effective new ones.

Weren’t you surprised to see your self esteem rising so quickly? I know I was!

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[Anonymous]

Scarfox. I too am newly diagnosed after a similar experience to yours, being treated for other mental illnesses.

Wish I could find this self esteem you speak of

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

The Self Esteem comes from successes.

And here’s the challenge… ADDers often dismiss their successes because certain things come easily to us.

I knew that the number one fear people have is speaking in public. Yet I was acting, doing shows, performing, giving speeches…

And it seemed like no big deal.

But it is.

Try asking someone who you trust to tell you things they like about you. “What are my strengths?” “What am I good at?” “What do you admire about me?” Sometimes this can backfire, especially if you ask someone who is pissed at you. But mostly, when I have done this, I got great feedback and lots of compliments and even suggestions on where to improve. Or where to stop trying so hard or worrying so much.

The other reason we may not notice our successes is because in the areas of life that aren’t working, we are getting yelled at, complained about, made fun of, nitpicked, reminded, nagged, dumped on or blamed for.

Know what I mean?

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[Carry]

“Self esteem comes from success”

I was thinking about that and wondering why I already feel like my self esteem has grown. I’ve been looking at my life, but this time from an “ADD perspective”. I have been beating myself up about all the things I never managed to achieve, calling myself lazy, not interested, good at stupid things that didn’t matter. ( I was the one that beat myself up over things before anyone else could )

But now, I realize how much I already achieved in spite of ADD. So basically I am discovering successes in the past, that I never recognized as successes. And now that I’m getting to know my disability (and fighting its symptoms) I am growing aware of the things I will be able to do!

@Circetay Got the right diagnosis? That’s success! You have responded to this thread, so you’re actively looking for answers. I’m guessing you’ve been searching for answers for a while now and ADD is the answer you found. Hopefully the right one too! Success doesn’t have to be huge. And even if they are huge we don’t always recognize them as such, as you can read from Rick’s answer. (Thank you Rick! You guys are very inspiring!!)

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[Carry]

One of my more annoying habits: becoming “mr. know-it-all preacher guy”. Sorry about that, but you get the meaning of it, right?

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[Anonymous]

@scarfox!

The world needs more positive ‘preachers’!

: )

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[Carry]

@MerryMac Thank you, I’ll try to be nicer to.. me

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[Anonymous]

I admit that even sometimes these days the very idea that it took so long for me to discover the issue with my brain – well, frankly, it pisses me off. Every now and again the thought of what I could have already achieved had I known earlier…dadblast it. Anyway, thank goodness I finally came around to getting it diagnosed. I’ve changed things around since then. Turns out I wasn’t merely ‘forgetful of my goals’ or a ‘procrastinator’. Finding out the root issue tore all those negative self-images asunder and allowed me to narrow in on the actual problem, to take action to deal with the actual cognitive deficit.

Now, I don’t have to worry about it. Got a whole NEW set of wonderful problems that have nothing to do with ADHD.

T. Lavon Lawrence

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[Anonymous]

T. Lavon Lawrence, I too am dealing with how things might have been different had I been diagnosed earlier. What might I have become, but ultimately I have decided that there is nothing I can do about the past and just move forward. Not easy to do, but a necessary step.

scarfox, I too am now looking at everything from an “ADD perspective” and am constantly amazed at all the things that can be attributed to the diagnosis. I have also been talking to a couple of acquaintances that are also diagnosed and that’s really helping me. For so long I knew that my brain worked differently, that I worried or analyzed more than the average person but I never realized that something was causing that, that there was a reason. I always just assumed that it was just who I was, but ultimately it was affecting my relationships and myself. I can analyze anything to the point of confusion, uncertainty and even paranoia and I could not turn off my thoughts. It was awful. Things have gotten a bit better with the medication but I have a long way to go yet.

Does anyone else find that they are moody? I know that I am and I can’t seem to control it. One of the things I hate the most. I know i’m overreacting, or making things worse but I just can’t stop. Ugh.

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[Carry]

For me, my moods and especially my (frustration fed) rages stopped when I finally understood what’s been going on.

Initially, when I asked for help with my feelings of depression, the only reason I went to see a doctor, was that I found out, that I wasn’t the only one suffering from it. My wife and my (now) 3 year old son were suffering too. Ofcourse I had no idea. It came to the point where my wife told me that she couldn’t cope with my ‘absence’ anymore. Taking care of our son alone, was work enough.

We decided on having a child together. And now she was taking care of both our son as well as constantly worrying about me and looking after me. That opened my eyes and I decided to get help. I would have lost her if I didn’t take action.

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