Effective cell phone use

[klmillscats]

My 60 year old ADD husband has issues with cell phones. Because he hates the interruptions, he seldom responds to text messages, often doesn’t answer the phone, and seldom responds to voice mail the same day, if ever. Additionally, he may silence his phone in church, and then forget for days to increase the ring volume. I understand his issues, so don’t usually take offence at his lack of response, and seldom phone or text him because of this. But other people don’t understand and this has resulted in friends being very offended. How can my husband manage this issue without neglecting his communications and offending his friends/associates?

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

It seems to me he is a wise man. I am addicted to my emails which are also visible on my phone so I generally respond to texts. The problem is they are quite intrusive. To curb this I am trying to block off a time each day when I do my emails and respond to texts so they don’t become controlling.

Your  husband could also block off an hour a day when he deals with messages. Then it will become a habit and eventually it will become second nature to him and his friends will get their responses. I rather like messages because it given me thinking time – better than actually answering the phone.  You will need to remind him until it becomes a habit.

I am still trying to form this habit for myself. But I think other people have high expectations regarding speed of response.  These days people expect a response within virtually 5 minutes which is unreasonable. I always forget to turn my ringer back on if I mute it. I switched off my ringer on my office phone one day and completely forgot about it. Over the period of a week or more I had numerous messages from my boss asking me to call him. It sounded so lame to say I had my ringer off for that long…..especially when he did finally catch up with me I had sneaked off to walk my dogs!

If he won’t or can’t develop a daily habit then it might be easier to pretend to his friends that he is a bit of a Luddite and doesn’t get on with mobile phones or answer machines and just make a joke of it. If they are really friends they should accept him, warts and all…..but I know, it’s not that easy.

One thing I find useful is I have a Blackberry which flashes at me when a message comes in so if I forget to unmute it then it still alerts me.

 

 

REPORT ABUSE

[klmillscats]

Scattybird, thanks for the input. It was very helpful!

REPORT ABUSE

[kc5jck]

Except for a few details, the initial post could have been written by my wife.  I totally relate to your husband and agree with Scatty’s advice.  Sometimes, I’ll look at the ID of an incoming call and decide whether or not to answer.  My wife has her voice mail disabled.  I don’t check mine unless alerted by my phone.  I rarely leave voice messages because I’d rather not be disturbed by a returned call at some random time.

After sixty years, I don’t feel the need to communicate with someone unless I want to.  I’ve had enough aggravation in life.  I realize I haven’t given you anything to help manage the issue, but may help you realize that Scatty and I don’t necessarily disapprove of your husband’s cell phone etiquette.

I rather like the idea of setting aside a particular time of the day to deal with voice mail and email.  Actually, for me I would like it to be maybe one hour out of the month.  And anything over a week old would be deleted and ignored on the theory that it either got resolved or there would be a more recent message about the crisis.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[klmillscats]

Thanks so much to scattybird and kc5jck. Your insights and wisdom help me to understand what’s going on. I’ve found after 31 years with an ADD husband, as well as an ADD daughter, that if I can get a grasp of the ADD reaction to something, lifestyle adjustments can almost always be made. Again, thanks so much to you both!

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

kimillscats – you’re very welcome. You have probably discovered by now that we are all different but feel free if you want to test things out on us if it helps you at home.  I am sure we too can gain insight from your experience and perceptions of living with two ADDers.

I read the threads here and sometimes wonder what the issue is and then I remember that whilst I might be the norm here, I’m not outside the forum. Therefore what I read here is normal life.  I am intrigued to know how your brain differs from that of your husband and daughter.  I have no concept of getting through a day in a linear fashion without taking meds to help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

REPORT ABUSE

[klmillscats]

Scattybird, you’re very generous and I may take you up on your offer from time to time. How is my brain different from my husband & daughter? I should first say that I am not at all medically or psychologically qualified to make any statements except my observations over the years. First, I think it would be correct to say that my husband and adult daughter would be considered “high functioning” ADDers. My husband tried Strattera for a time, but decided the benefits didn’t outweigh the side-effects. Our daughter was on ritalin through adolescence, since then she hasn’t taken anything. And neither displayed any hyperactivity. As for me, I’m a linear thinker with somewhat of a photographic memory. My abilities to manage a schedule at home, and visualize where the keys and shoes were last dropped, seems to compliment their needs. And a sense of humor is crucial. Our daughter, now 27, has a boyfriend who seems to compliment her needs. He’s organized, and a “fixer” somewhat like me, one who can analyze a problem and sort out a solution. He’s also very patient with her. I’m so glad she’s found someone like that.
Are you familiar with the David Kiersey book, “Please Understand Me”? A co-worker introduced my husband to it several years ago and it has been very helpful. Taking the Kiersey temperament sorter test helped both of us to recognize strengths, and how our strengths might compliment the others weakness.
So, what is normal? In our home, normal is a family effort keeping things calm, somewhat organized, and we laugh and love a lot.

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

Thank you kimillscats. It sounds to me like you have a lovely family. Love and laughter are essential  and if they are present then you have it sorted.

I will have a look at the book you recommend. I hadn’t heard of it, thanks. I presume you have watched some of Rick’s videos? They may give you some (amusing) insight. For example the Harlem Shuffle and March of the ADD Penguins both strike a chord for me……as do many others.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[shutterbug55]

My ADD/Dyslexic mind twisted the title of this thread to “Effective uses for a Cell Phone”. The difference did not change my answer.

 

I have no use for them. other than as a door stop. They hinder communication, because we can impulsively call or answer peoples calls.Of anyone on this planet ADD people need to think about how we are going to say what we need to say because our thoughts are so jumbled up.

They make you reachable at all times. This means you have NO time when you are totally alone. Think about it, the next time your phone rings. Do you answer it, even when you do not want to? Sure you do. Because we all have been conditioned to answer the phone. We need alone time to gather thoughts, make plans, and even just veg out.

They are a source of distraction. There are enough squirrels out there demanding our attention and this one is the worst. Add friends and you add to the potential distraction

They are expensive. Sure you can walk out of the store with a “free” phone, but just like a free cat, the thing will cost you far more over time. Why else would they “give” it to you?

For these reasons and more, I do not own these things Nor do I want one of those things.

REPORT ABUSE

[sdwa]

This is an interesting thread.

I hate cell phones, and resent that they exist. This is where I launch into an old person’s tirade about how Back In My Day we had to walk down the block to use a pay phone, when there still were pay phones to be found. And if we wanted to murder someone, we could clobber them over the head with the hefty receiver of the black rotary dial house phone. Throw a cell phone against a wall, and what do you get but the pathetic clatter of plastic shards? Not even remotely satisfying.

But seriously, I almost never answer my cell phone. It’s intrusive. The ringtone is annoying. I don’t care to be “on call” for anyone at any time. Often there are sales calls. Or recorded messages from a robo-call center of one sort or another. Sometimes I’m just not ready to talk to someone.

Also, I find it difficult to follow telephone conversations. I like to be able to see the person I’m talking to, because there are visual cues, from facial expressions and body language, that are completely missing on the phone. A disembodied voice makes me uncomfortable and a bit nervous. I’m sure that’s weird, but that is just how I feel.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts