Embarrassing Moment

[wolfshades]

Hi everyone.

For the longest time, I had no idea I had ADD – I thought everyone had to use the same coping mechanisms as I did, just to do their job or get through the day. So it was a bit of a pleasant surprise to find this place, and do some of the online testing, both here and at other places across the net – enough to convince me to talk with my doc and get a referral for an assessment and treatment.

One of the things I go through is an ability to latch on to words and thoughts as easily as I’d like. I reach – and they skip away on me. To counter this, I usually prepare before any meeting, and I make lists, just to make sure I stay on track.

Today, I chaired a meeting which I was late for (figures, huh?). Since I had the teleconferencing code, I had to start the meeting without first looking over the stuff I wanted to talk about. This heightened the tension and I started missing words, names and thoughts all over the place. It basically exasperated the problem, which caused no end of embarrassment.

After the meeting was over, I called a few of my co-workers: decided it was time to “out” myself a little bit, by way of explanation, not excuse. One of them hadn’t noticed a thing, which surprised me.

Anyway – I wonder if there are any out there who’ve faced similar situations. I’m wondering how you handled it.

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[veronica]

YES!

this happens to me a good amount of the time. and i too write a list or an outline of what topics i need to cover in order to stay focused and on track. i actually do really well when involved in trainings or meeting where there is an outline to be covered.

in fact i have to present the board of my kids’ school this coming month and am sitting here scrambling for a steady outline and be able to present the back-up information in an efficient manner (as i will only have 15 minutes to cover at least 5 fairly serious topics). the only thing that i tend to not fumble (where you may lack from time to time) is being able to improve my “speeches”. i was in debate when in high school and they taught us lil’ tricks so that we could get our points across without a hitch. these are the ones that really stuck with me:

1)write down main topics on an index card

2)if you feel as though you are fumbling for words…. break for water (even a small window of 30 seconds, makes you recheck your brain to stay on point)

3)and try to keep things as simple as possible (this was a big key for me, b/c a lot of the times i would try to get all fancy with verbiage and i’d totally lose my place, or thought. all b/c i was so focused on trying to find another word to say tempting, or whatever).

it’s funny that you went back and told your co-workers what happened. i usually do the same if i feel that i could have performed better than i had. but i’ve been trying to stop that, b/c my hubby says i need to stop making excuses… even when i tell him they aren’t excuses, i’m just explaining where i’m coming from- he still says they are excuses. i digress, this is one of my big issues i’m trying to overcome

any hoots, i don’t know if i answered your question or not. but that’s my take at least.

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[Anonymous]

Since you’re conscious of it, and you’ve developed the coping mechanisms, I wouldn’t worry about one bad performance. I’ve been in the same place, and afterward been highly critical of myself only to find that most didn’t even notice my failure. Be careful how much blame you place on ADD, and how much of the problem was just compounded by good old-fashioned stress. Could it have been self-imposed stress?

I have a poster on my wall with a quote from an admiral who was in the Spanish-American war. It says “Victory was the consummation of thorough preparations.” So we have to spend a little more time preparing. So what? It reduces the chances of stress, prevents us from getting too far off track, and if we can combine those extra preparations with a day that we’re extremely focused, we usually hit multiple home-runs.

You’re obviously farther along in your journey than I am, but I’ve decided to keep this to myself–except for family and maybe a few close friends. What I have is mild. I’m here to learn some more skills and tricks to improve my performance. I’m also here to build up my confidence–a lot of the things I considered failures on my part have turned out to just be symptoms of ADD. Symptoms that if I had known how to recognize them I could’ve accepted, handled, and moved on.

I think a lot of us spend way too much time over-analyzing and beating ourselves up. That’s my biggest problem. I read a Dr. Phil quote not too long ago, basically he said that we wouldn’t worry nearly as much about what other people thought of us if we only knew how seldom they did.

You’re better than you think. In fact, you’re probably better on a bad day than a lot of your co-workers are on a good day.

It’s okay to be arrogant. We have superior brains, we just don’t know how to use them. Put me behind the wheel of a pickup truck and I’m a good driver. Put me in a Lamborghini at night with GPS, iPod, iPhone and limited visibility and I’ll probably run it in a ditch. Once we learn how to drive our Italian sportscar brains, we leave everybody else in the dust. It’s no contest.

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[Anonymous]

I found this website via the blog Coming Out Crazy in the Toronto Star, maybe if I got a diagnosis of ADD it would help with my treatment. Depression and Anxiety that has no apparent base. By the By found my old report cards and had a good laugh thinking Patrick could have been qouting my teachers. “If Carrie would apply herself…….Carrie is a very social girl, if only she would talk less and listen more……

I think I now know why I got teased so brutally in grade 7, I was weird but didn’t know why. I never knew that butting into other peoples conversations with my two cents was inappropriate till I saw the video. Now I know why I get those weird looks and vibes!

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I did a speech a while back at the Univesity of Regina. It was on ADHD and creativity. It was supposed to run 50 minutes, and then I would take questions.

I had it all laid out on a power point.

And I spoke for over 2 hours!

Everyone was almost late for the dinner banquet.

What was missing was a timer. Usually I have a large Digital stopwatch, like an egg timer. You can buy smaller ones to put on your agenda when you’re leading a meeting.

Another trick to avoid overwhelm is to ask someone to be a time keeper. Or even hand out the agenda, with approximate times for each item, and ask someone who isn’t embarrassed about interrupting, to be the time keeper.

I think with ADHD we often want to do everything ourselves. After all, it can be fun, and we don’t have to trust anyone else. Since we often feel that we can’t be trusted (Cause we’re always late or behind or making mistakes) we have trouble trusting others. But just giving people roles in a process means less stress on you, and it means they are more engaged as well. They are now part of the process. (And psychologically, asking someone to do you a small favour will have them like you more. More than doing a favour for them! Weird eh?)

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[wolfshades]

Thanks Rick. I’ll have to remember that. I think I’ve learned to delegate some things just out of necessity. You’re so right about the fun factor too though – and I kind of think that’s the part of this whole thing that’s addictive. When the fun part’s not there, I pretty much feel quite down and irritated even. (Gee, I sound like a kid)

In this case, I was overwhelmed because I hadn’t had a chance to prepare. I have a running list of things we need to talk about and I just didn’t have a chance to look it over before the teleconference began so i got really flustered and kept having to stop and ask for time to think. They were accommodating but even so, I felt the pressure and drew complete blanks. Not fun at all.

Still, it was a blip in an otherwise normal work day and I’m long over it.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

We are rarely upset about what we are upset about.

When someone is angry at a child, spouse, coworker or themselves about something, there is almost always something else, or something more going on.

We’re upset at the computer screwing up because what we’re really upset about is not being prepared and not having it handled and not anticipating something could go wrong. It’s not about the computer, right here and now. It’s about all the past screw ups. All the times it’s happened before. And of course, the worst… HOW IT IS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS FOREVER AND EVER! I’M A SCREW UP!

My dad was an insurance agent. When some of his clients had a small car accident, they saw it as a nuisance involving some bent sheet metal. But to others it was infuriating! “The other driver was an idiot, the people who designed the roads were morons, etc.. etc..”

Same accident. Whole different view of what their car meant to them. One person put out, the other was able to complain for days how some idiot had ruined their week! When of course their attitude was what ruined the week and was ruining their life.

Several years ago, when Ava banged up my Prius in a parking lot (The other driver’s fault) she was worried about how I’d react. (A holdover from her past.)

So when she told me, and I knew she was okay, well, it was some bent sheet metal. She was almost in tears in relief. (I earned huge bonus points with her for not being upset.)

Have I gotten off topic again?

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[Anonymous]

“We are rarely upset about what we are upset about.”

Bingo!

I also have a problem not being able to get upset about something I should.

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[MK]

Currently I don’t have the time to document the countless times I have had an “ADHD Moment” which has caused me immense embarrassment. I will get back to this when I do. Suffice it to say that two of my funnier stories (ADHD Moments) ended up in in the “Humor” section of Terry Matlen’s excellent book: “Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD”

It’s good for all, not just women.

http://www.addconsults.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=399

MK

Batavia, IL

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[Anonymous]

Wolfshades,

I have had this happen before and it is very embarrassing to say the least! I make sure that I have a structured list before I make a presentation. The pain of embarrassment is enough to make me structure myself.

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[nickypatips]

Hi everyone! I have adhd really bad but am finally not completely insane after getting onto adderall and ADD coaching/therapy. And learning about ADHD. and meditation. And more stuff.

But anyway.

For this whole speaking/preparing thing, i joined the Toastmasters club that my company ran. I HATED IT! But, what I learned that year was SO HELPFUL! I think there’s a small club dues fee, but it’s not that much I don’t think, and it helps you learn to be prepared.

People were always really confused why I was such a crappy public speaker – since I’m a great speaker, i.e., talker, gabber, chatter, blah blah blah, in every other setting…..well it’s cause i couldn’t get the names from my brain to my tongue, did all sorts of weird ticks like twirl pencils, playing with my hair (I have long hair), etc.

So, toastmaster is full of all kinds of other weirdos NO really i mean that in a nice way! but it’s really equalizing and i found it really helpful. even though i totally hated it. lol good luck everyone!!!

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[Anonymous]

I have a friend who’s won some Toastmaster awards. I was thinking about trying it, my dad says I’d be good at it – it’s the first time I ever heard him say something like that to me! But I am just concerned about time involvement as I am struggling with time management issues at the moment. Just started taking meds regularly and moved my business out of my home, so that may help free up evenings and weekends. How much time did you spend?

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[Robbo]

hehehe, great picture DogFather!, looks like me as a kid. I could tell ya some crazy stories of me electrocuting myself. earz one, I could never sleep, one night I started chewing on an electrical cord! like a dog… lol. couldn’t see, so I turned on the light. ZZZAAAPPP!!! my parents never found out. I don’t know how I didn’t burn up my lips… I wonder with the heck made me do that?

It’s terrible when you’re alone when you have an embarrassing moment!. (hiding from the mirror) It’s almost as weird as thinking of something really funny when by myself, and laughing!, then catching someone watching me!! OhnooooooH

It’s a good thing I live alone. mostly.

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[Anonymous]

Robbo – thought of one of your posts when I found this – very juvenile but I couldn’t stop laughing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv3P-5DhkgQ&feature=related

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[Author]

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