Endless Rutt

[Anonymous]

As a kid, I had ADHD [although it wasn’t called that then] and was treated for it. In high school and into early adult life, I still had ADD to variable degrees and tried to work around it; this approach means I didn’t pursue college for fear it would be worse than high school. The result is that I fell into my past career rather than having pursued it with passion.

The depression and anxiety I’ve always had I think has a strong foundation in ADD. I’m starting to participate with TotallyADD.com where I can try and understand better what I can do going forward. And am mentioning it to my friends.

My rutt is that nearly 7 years ago, I was in a combined career/social environment that fired me. I was already suffering years of medicated depression from 9/11 and this put me over the edge. I lost the rest of my self-esteem and for the next couple years was a mess. Other than a few weeks of seasonal work, I have not worked, live very alone and am burning my resources. There are plenty more details, but the gist is that I started off life feeling shame and misdirected and haven’t really broke free from that.

Now I’m in my mid 40s running out of resources and I have to both make changes and somehow accept my past.

I’ll keep reading the forums, because I think they’ll help guide me forward.

ANDY – Salt Lake, UT US

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

First time visitor, first time poster… I’m 28 and thinking, “you’re me in 20 years” – your story mirrors my own, to date. Have you spoken to a physician? Did you receive a referral to a specialist? Has anyone given you a diagnosis?

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

I’m unemployed and uninsured, so any diagnostics and medication seems unlikely until then. I have considered vocational rehab, but again would need the diagnosis.

I’d say my ADD is usually mild, but I can still recognize at times when its interfering. Something I find odd is my swing from a young child that was hyper and talkative, to an adult that is reserved and depressed. I think the later is to some degrees self-imposed and as the videos suggest, need to find the environment that thrives on my ADD traits.

ANDY – Salt Lake, UT US

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Hey ANDY,

I’m 32 and Canadian, so insurance and medical help is not an issue. Can’t help you there, sorry. But, I feel like I would be in your situation if it was not for working in a family business where my behaviour/symptoms are tolerated. I have moments of genius, but my self esteem has been completely shattered by being told I’m lazy and useless all my life. Barely made it through University. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid twenties, and the meds (if and when i stay on them) have been life altering. I’m no doctor but your anxiety and depression is most definitely brought on or worsened by the ADHD. I think you’ll come to notice through this forum that most people don’t really grow out of ADHD, just learn to ignore it better as they get older. Were you clinically diagnosed as a child? Do you have any records in proving so as you may not need to be re-diagnosed.

I would do what ever it takes to get some treatment!! Even though the medications are stimulants, it actually diverted my attention away from the anxiety. Run a bottle drive or something. But whatever you do, don’t sink into your couch and give up on life – you never know what will come around the corner. As an ADDer, excepting your past should be easy if you can get involved in some kind of support community. This site is a great place to start brother!!

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts