(Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life

[Geoduck]

Well, crap. That link doesn’t work. Can’t figure it out, either. Well, Google this (worth the extra effort):

“Adult ADHD: 50 Tips of Management” by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. 1992

That’s the name of the pamphlet/article. Don’t know why the link doesn’t work.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Love that we have a place to write and write and write…it is cathartic indeed. Are you all aware that people with ADD/ADHD usually, have some sort of addiction? Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Food (like me). And how wonderful when we get to that point we see through the facade and start pulling ourselves up to heal. Great website…glad we have a place to go to, to journal but get responses without criticism.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

By the way, if you haven’t read Dr. Hallowell and Ratey’s book “Driven to Disraction”…its powerful and will talk to each one of us who are ADD/ADHD. Available on CD, too, which is even better if you are like me and don’t like to read!

REPORT ABUSE

[Carrie]

WOW!! At first I thought I wasn’t going to be able to read all that… but once I was started just couldn’t stop! WOW! What a life! What an experience! I just LOVE how you handled everything! I love how you keep pressing on! Thats AWESOME! Keep on fighting the good fight!

“First, because I read it last: “I get a lot of complaints about “You’re absolutely right” but “you could of lied to me a little just to make me feel better, jerk.” “

YEAH!!! Totally hear that. What the hell is wrong with people that don’t like honesty? Okay, maybe up front honesty isn’t the best policy, but dammit, even if it is ADHD, honesty is just who I am. Deal, people!””

EXACTLY! YES YES YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEES!! I do the SAME thing ALL the time. If you cant take it then get the…. out! I am better at saying it in a nicer way. Depends on the person im talking to.

Dealing with childhood crap is always hard…. I didn’t go through nearly what you did. My father was an abusive alcoholic. I remember him beating my mom and blaming myself… Often I had to act like the parent. I remember coming home when I was 17 after staying at my aunts for a week and my parents had just split up. My dad was over at the house. I walked in and he said “You got home at the right time” sarcastically. I went downstairs to put my stuff away. I then heard a bunch of noise and my mom saying his name over and over. I ran upstairs and he (hes 6’2″, shes 5′) had her pinned up against the wall. I grabbed him and he took hold of my arms so hard. I remember thinking to myself “oh crap!” But I knew he wouldnt hurt me. He would never hit me. He saw what he was doing and let me go. I broke them up and made them sit across from each other and take turns talking. hahaha actually I do find it quite humerus. At the time not really… As much as all that hurt… I don’t blame him. He has NO RIGHT doing any of that. But my grandfather was worse. Emotionally abusive, and physically abusive towards my father. How can my dad learn whats right if he was never taught? My grandfather I cant blame! Believe it or not, his MOTHER was EVEN worse!! Some of the horror stories my cousin was telling me. How can you blame them when they themselves were never taught what was right…. Now blinded without hope they carry on.

My dad still has alcohol problems… but not like he used to. I wouldn’t give up any of my experiences for anything. Love conquers all… How does one love? I don’t know. Little bits at a time… Be honest with your heart. We never showed our love in our family. Didnt know how to express it… frankly I still have a hard time. I feel its inferior, and corny. My dad would make fun or joke about emotion which really hurt, but he himself didnt know how to handle or express it. Now I don’t care. My dad once got drunk and drove for approx 8 hours on the highway because he was stressed out and depressed about money matters. As soon as I heard about this and he came to say hello I said “DAD! I don’t care if you drink! I dont care if you spend money you dont have! Money comes and goes. But I only have ONE DAD! I dont want to lose him! You may as well play Russian roulette!”

Sometimes just letting someone you love know that you care about them in the simplest way, is an awesome help. At times its hard…. but they have problems too… Yes we make our own choices… but whats influenced them? Maybe I am still trying to find the good thats in everyone… maybe it doesnt exist and I am being naive… Will I let the same person hurt me over and over… No. Will I give them a fair chance yes… I will encourage them, love them. I wont enable. Most of all, forgive. Nothing eats away at you more than not forgiving someone… Letting them rob you of joy.

REPORT ABUSE

[Curlymoe115]

Sometimes it feels like we are always being tested. Life is not easy for most of us, and we look at the other people around us that seem to just sail through life. When I read your story it reminded me that not everyone was as lucky as I was. I had two ADHD parents but they busted their carcasses to always make sure we had a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. My father came from ADHD parents and he wasn’t as lucky. He was passed around the family like a family book end. A few weeks here or there was all he could really count on. His father was always out of work, blamed it on others and was physically and emotionally abusive. His mother had only been 12 when she got pregnant the first time, and had 3 kids by the time she was 19. Married to a man that was 14 years her senior. But that is what they did back in the 40’s. When my father was 13 he found my mother, and ended up living on her porch from the age of 16 until they got married two years later. He worked and went to school. He over compensated with us, and ended up getting us jobs, and spending all of his time catering to everyone in his life. My mother died 12 years ago and he has been seeking ever since.

What I am trying to say is that ADHD is a silent disease but it does not need to be the end. Now you have found a doctor who is treating this seriously. You should be looking at this as a second chance, and a new beginning with your children and getting to know yourself. If you are a drug addict or an alcoholic then there are treatments and people bend over backwards to accommodate that. But if you are addicted to chaos and acrimony you are on your own. So you need to spend a lot of time just putting the pieces of your life back together. Stop looking for others to be your solution, and stop trying to be the solution for others. Even your children only need you for a few years. Let your children know that you are there for them. But the greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy you. So follow through with what your doctors say, educate yourself about your disease and your past. Learn as much about the law that you are being charged under, become your own advocate. Enlist positive people in your life. Make it a point to be a good father to your children. Find out what makes them happy, and nurture that part of them. Encourage them not to use alcohol or drugs, because if they have a background of addiction then it is easy to fall into that path.

Continuing education comes in many forms. The local libraries and social agencies are usually the best place to start when you are looking for a new beginning. Accept your past, because nothing you can do will change it, but that doesn’t mean it has to be your future. Times are tough right now economically. That isn’t your fault. But if you have an aptitude then use it.

Finally try to find or form a support group for other people in your area who have been in abusive relationships. Listening to and telling stories may be a first step to taking control of your life back. Al-anon or the like may help you to finally put an end to the trauma of your childhood and adulthood. You need to learn to forgive your parents and former partners for what has happened. It isn’t the same as saying that it didn’t affect you, just lets you learn to let it go, and move on with your life. You owe that to yourself, and to your children. Good luck in this turbulent time in your life. Hopefully you will be able to close this chapter and start getting your life back on track.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts