Feeling a bit nervous…

[distractedmomma]

All of this is happening so fast. One day, my sister is hinting at the possibility that ADD runs in our family, the next I’m ordering books about ADD online. I’ve read so much info about it, my head is hurting. I see so much of myself in what others decribe (never feeling sucessful at any job, difficulties in school, university, etc).

Anyway, I’m on day 2 of testing for ADD. I don’t have insurance and it’s costing me A LOT. Just the fact that I’m willing to part with money to find out if this could be the answer I’ve been waiting for, must mean something. I mean, if someone thinks I’m just making it up, I think I would get really angry at this point. I still, have a couple of weeks before I get my test results back, but I’m nervous about having to talk to my family doctor about an ADD diagnosis. I feel as though she will not believe me…. I already had a difficult time convincing her that I probably had fibromyalgia, I dread going down that road of skepticism again.

I sure hope what I just wrote makes sense

DD

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

It makes perfect sense. It’s the dread of knowing. If it was all bad news, you’d probably save the money and just leave it be. But of course there is so much that you can do about ADHD, and so many different ways it presents that knowing will make a huge difference. Or rather, knowing will give you the insight to know what’s going on, stop blaming it on ‘personal character flaws and lack of willpower or ambition’ and put simple structures in place that support you. Where you are at the is hardest place to be. Not knowing.

But when you have a confirmed diagnosis, and always be open to the possibility it’s something else or something as well, then you’ll find the ground stabilizes. For me, there was a lot of time looking back at my life and understanding my choices. One of the most profound was seeing why I wrote skit comedy and not comedy screenplays. I can write a comedy skit, or sketch, if you prefer, very quickly. A screenplay? Six months of work on character arcs, B stories, back story, motivations and goals and protagonists vs antagonists… With a 1 in a 1,000 chance of it getting made? Forget it! Suddenly I stopped feeling guilty for never finishing the half dozen screenplays I’d started.

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