frustrated -have ADHD and 2 children with it

[all4tigger]

How does one deal with all the frustrations of dealing with having ADHD, then trying to help 2 children with the same problems. I can barely keep myself organized.. never mind trying to keeps all my kids, the homework, the schedules all in order. Not including the extra doctors appointments for all of it too. I also work 32 hours a week.. guitar lessons for one… yoga for another.. youth for the next…. where does all the time go?

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[ellamama]

I can offer little more than empathy. A few weeks ago my 7 y.o. daughter–who has never been a morning person–was particularly slow to rise and get out the door. In an effort to get some breakfast into her, I wrapped up a toasted waffle sandwich for her to eat en route to school. As we pulled into the driveway, I realized that she’d disassembled the sandwich and had been using the pieces to create assorted geometric forms. As we approached the drop off area, I implored her to eat as quickly as possible–they don’t permit kids to eat en route to class.

As it happened, it was the head of the lower school who opened the door at drop off. She saw the waffle and said to me, “Oh, you know you really need to make sure she eats breakfast at home before she arrives at school.”

I wanted to wring the woman’s neck, screaming, “Look lady! You want to come to my house and take care of this?! You’ve got a choice: (1) a kid who’s here on time and with some food; (2) a kid who’s here on time without food, or; (3) a kid who’s late who had breakfast at home.” Instead, I just said, “Umm hmm.”

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

First of all, that’s amazing that you manage to squeeze all that in! ADHD or not,t hat’s a full schedule. (I know about the Dr’s appointments, I’m in the middle of scheduling 3 separate Doctor and Dentist appointments for my son when he’s home one day from university.)

A couple of thoughts. First, one big calendar, or schedule where everyone can see it. Bright, and colourful. With coloured markers. Each person has their own colours. Or each colour represents something different: Blue for Doctors, Red for Family. Green for School stuff.

Second thought, let go of expectations. Your life is not supposed to look like a commercial for air freshener where perfectly coiffed parents glide happily around their spotless, elegantly decorated living room with it’s big couches for lounging during the hours of spare time that comes from having a perfect life. You’re life is what it is. It may not be what you want, ideally, but that’s okay. There are things to strive for… no, scratch that…. there are goals to aim for… or simply work towards. However long it takes.

And ellemama, I can imagine your anger. The flip side of it is, of course, that’s she’s right. Of course we want to make sure our kids eat a good, healthy breakfast before school. Who wouldn’t want that for their kid? I love how the teacher is suggesting that this is something that you may never have thought of. “Wow, really? Yeah, great idea! Better than my carefully laid plan to cram crumbles into her mouth in a public panic.”

Good for you for not exploding, or sweetly replying, “Yes. And as a teacher you really need to make sure every kid you teach is engaged and learning so they never get less than an A and are never in trouble or forget their homework.”

When you can let crap like that roll of you, you will be bulletproof. It’s never about you. And though it’s hard for me to see it at the time, the other person actually does mean well. As I said, yeah, a good breakfast eaten at home rather than in school is a wonderful idea. So is world peace, religious tolerance and an affordable rubber cement that doesn’t turn into lumps that look like boogers.

R

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[Anonymous]

I have ADHD and have two kids with it, too.

My lifesaver for extra-curriculars was carpools. A soccer carpool, a swim carpool, religious study carpool, etc. God love other busy Moms–they need support too whether they have ADHD or not. If there isn’t one started, pass out a sheet to Moms who live around you and ask them to sign up. I gaurantee you that they will jump on it–and many of my closest friends started out as carpool Moms.

As for school and homework, I totally relied on their list of accomodations (sk). I no longer felt like I had to re-teach everything they learned at school. The list, whether on an IEP or a 504, is the MOST IMPORTANT list any ADD child can have. Teachers must follow it whether they like it or not.

One of my kids has dysgraphia and having to write out long pages of homework took forever and he didn’t learn doing it. His accomodations allowed us to cut back on written work by responding to fewer questions, or if he had to write a two page report he could cut it back to one page. Teachers who insisted that he complete work that he didn’t write would have him give oral resonse instead. He also learns better readfing info versus lecture style presentation. Teachers had to provide him with written notes if the info wasn’t in his text book. My other child is also LD and grammer and spelling are problematic. So she wrote everything phonetically (sk). If the teacher couldn’t figure it out then my DD read it aloud to her.

Get those accomodations!!!

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