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I am an RN – now a middle nursing manager. . . just diagnosed at the age of 42 – about 7 weeks ago. I had been struggling in this manager role for two years. . . digging myself deeper and deeper into a pit of 100 emails a day and the challenges of managing 6 separate programs. I thought I was losing my mind – that I couldn’t follow through on moving any projects forward. Frustrating the hell out of my staff because their overtime forms would get lost in my overflowing email inbox.
Then after two years of learning about ADHD through my former husbands diagnosis (at the age of 47) and our son’s diagnosis (who is now
. . . I did a screening tool on myself – and go figure !!! It appeared that I had many ADD traints as well. Soooooooo I did the only thing that any other nurse mum would do. . . and did a self-trial with my son’s meds (not that I would reccommend that – but apparently it is fairly common). . . and I could not believe the difference it made !! I was leaving work with my thoughts racing at 100 miles a minutes – an endless list of everything that I had not gotten done. . .filled with shame that I was not performing . . .full of fear that eventually my boss would figure out . . .crying all the way home 4 – 5 nights week. Only to have to pull myself together to pick up my son – as his meds were wearing off. . . and try to get through the nightly routine of homework , supper and bed without screaming at him. The meds fixed 75 % of that. My thoughts stopped racing !! I hadn’t yelled at my son in 5 weeks. I could actually get interrupted doing something at work – and then remember to return to it and actually finish it !!So – I went to my family doc – who refered me to my psychiatrist who confirmed the diagnosis. And so much of my life and my professional struggles in the face of my being very bright (so I get told). . . now made sense. The PILES of paper on my desk (and in my house). The reason I left my job as a head nurse was that I could not stand the overstimulation of sitting in the corner of a busy and noisy nursing station for 8 hours a day . (at least as a middle manager I have an office with a door) . . . It was a reason why I have many brilliant and creative ideas and solutions . . . but my follow through was lacking (actually absent) !! Now it all made sense.
So now almost 7 weeks in to my new diagnosis and titrating my meds (god bless Concerta). . .it has helped alot – but MAN – trying to deal with the shame (self imposed I know) . . . and deal with diggng myself out at work on step at a time is an ordeal and probably one of the biggest challenges in my life to date.
I have just signed up for 6 weeks of group coaching through addclasses.com (ADD Boot Camp). . . and I am considering investing in a personal coach to help me with my work habits who understands the ADD mind and traits.
But some days it feels like one step forward and two steps back. . . yesterday I was sick. . .and “forgot” that I had agreed to cover another manager’s area. I am just starting to develop the systems I need in place to organize myself in a very busy healthcare workplace.
Fortunately – I have a very understanding boss who I shared this diagnosis with. She may even see if the employer will pay for some or all of the coaching fees (~ $350 / month). Unfortunately – I was encouraged to share the diagnosis with a physician with whom I work closely. . . and she took it as an opportunity to do everything she could to undermine me with my staff and behind my back to my boss to try to get me fired. Disclosure is a risky business.
Of course – there are no ADHD specific resources locally – and I am certain that once I get my own life on track that I will likely end up starting some type of resource / support group in my area. . . but right now I am just trying to get my bearings as to where to start. reading everything I can find. . . and trying to make baby step changes in my routines at work.
I am grateful NOONIE that you had the courage to start this forum for healthcare providers. We give so much to others. . . usually neglecting ourselves. . .and the guilt and shame that accompanies Adult ADD is huge to overcome. ADHD is just as real as any other medical condition. . . with the added bonuses that come with it (creativity, energy, sensativity) Sensativity to thers is one of the gifts of ADHD – so there are probably more of “us” in healthcare than we know becuase of this trait.
But one step at a time – as of right now – it is 9pm. . . I need to do laundry (for tomorrow), prep for a 7am parent teacher meeting and clear a place through the piles of paper on my computer desk for “Geeks to GO” to come at 5pm tomorrow and fix my computer. the meds are amazing – but they are not a magic wand. . . but atleast now I have a fighting chance
So yes – we do work in health care
REPORT ABUSE I am hoping this forum can serve as a safe group to share ideas as we move forward.
Health Care Providers w/ADD?2011-02-03T15:56:47+00:00
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