Hello at 4am? Oh Gosh.

[dizzytuber]

Well to be fair, I did work tonight, but 4am?  Oh and hello, you’re probably wondering, “Who is this guy?”  “Why is here?”  “Wait, he’s here?”

Kidding aside, I’ve been working to find out if my problems truly could be ADHD  related or not.  I seem to exhibit the symptoms, I struggle with my projects because my brain has this “Oh shiny!” moments, when I should be focused with the task at hand.  I’m also terrible at recruiting people to help, or keeping them for that matter.  Or I just pick really bad people to help with a job.

Right now, I have chosen to focus on this one project (which is going on its 4th week this weekend), and it’s killing me that I can’t start on the new project I came up with 2 weeks ago.

The newest project, if it works out, will hopefully help fund a bigger project that has been on hold since 2015, which was first concocted in 2013!  In fact, there’s even one other project that I had going, but I can’t afford a 3d printer or to hire someone (or trust them).  I say this because I want to patent this idea, have a working prototype, then sell the patent.  I’ve already gone through the manufacturing route, and boy was that a 3 year nightmare.

Anyway, another big worry (headache) I have, is that the 2013 idea, needed a skill set I had just finally developed, but had to stop due to financial constraints (being laid off).  I am now 2 years out of practice, which took 4 years to train, and that was from very limited mentoring in person, and more trial and error for the rest.

So…. as you can see, I have a lot of my brain, and I am embarrassed to say this, but I just gave the tip of the iceberg.  I’ve been diagnosed off and on, since 2001, with one of the following:  PTSD, (mild) Major Depression, and Dysthymia (a form of persistent depression).  I found it odd, that over the 12 years I went off and on to the docs, they kept coming up with a different diagnosis.

I feel a great sense of guilt all the time, if I don’t finish a project.  I feel a great sense of being lazy if I’m not working on a project.  I feel angry and depressed that I can’t stay focused at my workbench for an hour, without darting over to watch a YouTube video or look up information about something that popped into my brain, while I am putting a part in a vise or gluing pieces together.

Finally, I’ve even had moments lying in bed, and it’s like my brain races in a very unpleasant way.  It rips through my entire sum of knowledge, and if I close my eyes while this happens in a dark room, I’d swear I could see flashes of light, pulsing in patterns.  Not sure what that is, but the good news is, it hasn’t happened since 2007.  For some reason it stopped.

I have many more tales to weave here, but I thought I’d get the ball rolling with what was on my mind now, before I went to sleep.  Hope you all slept well before you came here to read my jangling mess of words and sentences.  🙂

 

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[That Guy with ADHD]

Hello DizzyTuber,

What you said sounds surprisingly familiar.  While it’s not enough for a diagnosis it may be worth getting your doctor involved.  ADHD seems to go hand in hand with many other disorders like depression, anxiety, fatigue, dyslexia, etc. that it’s not surprising to hear that you have several diagnosis.  Get an official diagnosis and then  get treatment.

Best Regards

That Guy with ADHD

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[dizzytuber]

heh, for some reason I could see you leaving the “room”, shooting finger pistols with a big cheesy smile.   Back on task though, I was waiting until later this summer to see the doc, although I may go sooner now.  I am beginning to  wonder if my problems with a co-worker are because of me, or that it’s them with a problem.

Stay Dizzy  🙂

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