Help! Single-Parent With ADD

[Anonymous]

After being diagnosed with major depression many years before I even had my 10 year old, a recent (March) problem with a pinched nerve in my neck that comes and goes but causes enough pain to leave me unable to function at times, and the recent, but long-suspected ADD diagnosis, dealing with guilt is a daily battle.

I’m very much in need of help and/or advice about being able to still be a good parent with all this, and how to talk to my daughter about this without talking too much. I don’t want to dump a lot of stuff on her, but at the same time, I don’t want her to think I’m just doing this.

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions (I think they’re a set-up), but one of the most important things I want to get in place is a back-up plan for when I’m ill that she can go to, so I can minimize the guilt I experience when I can’t function, and not have her think I’m ignoring her or just don’t care. I’m a divorced parent without close family nearby, and have only lived in my town for 1 1/2 years. I have not made friends, with the exception of a couple of neighbors. She is an only child as well, and although I’m grateful that I only have one at times like these, I think if she had siblings she would have someone else and less isolation at home.

I know outside support is crucial, however I’m not sure where to start, or how to even ask. Again, the too much/too little information thing. I’m not trying to get out of parenting, I just don’t like her seeing me when I’m having trouble, and don’t think I’m being a good role model for her. Also, support would have to exist in many ways on an on-call basis, since I can’t really predict when I’m going to have trouble.

Any feedback would be appreciated

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[Anonymous]

Hi Irish…. here is some information……children develop on a cognitive curve if you will. They cannot process in formation like adults it just a fact, they are not capable as yet. That is why we have to parent…they would often perish left to their own devices. So for sure, as I understand it…… age appropriate communication with children is required, and in some stances (crisis) it is crucial. This might be a subject you could approached with a professional before you enter into it. Caution and education before the leap maybe a good path for you? Children get a perspective of protection safety and stability from their parents it allows them to be confident, learn and develop, intellectually and socially. Consider maybe ……….. the gravity of what are you going to share with your 10 year old and why……to what end…. what purpose will it serve for them… I don’t know these answers???? Irish….is there a pressing need or would caution be prudent???

If guilt is a driver Irish…that maybe not be a child’s burden………might be best left to adult sharing??

I do not advise Irish……. I can share some thoughts….. maybe pose some appropriate questions that you can answer for your own clarity and guidance before you act that’s all???

You seemed distraught….I hope maybe these thoughts and questions will assist you in choosing an appropriate coarse of action…..

toofat

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[Saffron]

Irisheyes:

HANG IN THERE. I know well what you’re going through as a single parent who needs help but lacks family and finds herself living far away from her support system as a result of marriage/divorce. These might just be the hardest few years you’ll face, but they won’t last forever, so tread water as hard as you can, mama.

Desperate times call for desperate measures: consider putting an ad in your community paper or bulletin board saying that you’re looking for other single moms or parents who are relatively new to the area and are interested in spelling each other off now and then. You will hear from someone, maybe even several people.

As a stop-gap measure, consider setting up an area in your house where you have put everything you need to rest and be comfortable for hours at a time, and where your daughter has everything she needs to be occupied (favorite ready-made meals/snacks and drinks, plus well-loved or new games, crafts, books and movies that are specially saved for those times only), with the understanding that mom is present and wants to be with her but is not to be otherwise engaged. It shows your daughter that there is no shame in taking care of yourself when you are down (and that it is in fact imperative), while also assuring her that you are not running away from being her mom. I did this for a few months while I was pregnant and on bedrest with my second child and pretty much alone in a new community. We got through.

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