Help with ADHD boss where usual tactics don't work.

[Anonymous]

I am not ADHD–I had a test for ADD when I was younger, but I passed that test. However, my boss, straight up told me he is.

Totally fine with that, but I’m having serious issues with communication and I’m not sure how much it is the ADHD, like he says it is, and how much it is just him. As well as how to navigate the particulars. I need serious help. I’m about to lose this job–and even if I do, I still want to know how to best handle it. (Since no one around me seems to be able to help either.)

I read that ADHD people prefer things in writing, that they prefer if you let them wander and finish their thoughts without interruption, that you bring structure to the table when possible. All of those things have failed with this boss and I’m at a loss as to what I should do.

Writing–failed. The boss says that he won’t read. Not can’t, but won’t.

When I don’t affirm or interrupt him, he gets paranoid that I’m thinking ugly thoughts about him and reads things that aren’t there. I was thinking, “Uhhh.. I need to feed my snakes… should I do it today or tomorrow” and he read my expression and silence as a “sneer” When I do affirm, he says he doesn’t like it. When I’m straight with him, he shuts down also (with This drains me). Entirely confused as to what to do.

When I bring structure or an idea, he tends to go into a long analogy that wanders all over the place, but doesn’t seem to really relate. And then says I’m trying to change everything about the establishment… but then he asked me “What do you think is important?” then tells me that I’m wrong–so I ask him, “What do you think it should be, please clarify” and he says, “I don’t know, that’s for you to tell me.” then tells me later, “You aren’t telling me what the other people are telling me on X.” then the person who is managing it tells him I’m straight on, and he still tells me, “You aren’t telling me the same thing as other people are telling me.”

If I don’t do it in the way he has in his head, then it’s “You did nothing today.” When I list what I did do, he still repeats it. Since he won’t read, it’s really hard on me.

I’ve tried every tactic to adapt, but he’s not being very clear about what he wants, and gets upset when I suggest any kind of direction.

Ideas? Or simply tell me what I’m doing wrong.

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[ashockley55]

Maybe ask him what he needs from you? Ask him how he would like you to respond to him?

That could make him angry, I don’t know, he seems pretty quick to anger. And pretty frustrating.

My initial reaction was that this was a pretty impossible situation.

I’m sorry.

Let’s see what others say.

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[Scattybird]

GoldShepherd – this seems a bad situation. It also seems to me that your boss has more going on than just ADHD alone?

Put things in writing – do bullet points of the key points from each meeing and send them to him. He can read bullet points, but more importantly it looks to me like you need to cover your own back. Minute everything so you have a paper trail for your own benefit if things get worse.

I don’t know whether it is possible to have meetings with him with someone else present? That might stop what seems to me to be personal attacks on you?

Try to focus meetings but allow him to wander off but bring him back to the point. If you show interest in his rambles and then refocus him it might not seem so much of an affront to him.

There are people here that work for HR and will be able to give you advice or at least their opinions based on what you have said.

But, paper trails for your own security and do your best to keep to professional talk. In my experience once bosses think they can comment about stuff outside work they start to get a bit too clever/personal.

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[Anonymous]

Thank you very much.

I agree there is something else going on besides ADHD. I did get a chance to talk to him so it’s tolerable. It usually takes a day before what I said sinks in. Yes, one full day.

Might be annoying but, he also tends to use ADHD as a crutch. And from what I’ve read some of the things he claims aren’t part of ADHD… (For example, not being able to read until he was in his mid 20’s–though I’ve seen writers who say they have ADHD and are much, much younger than him.) I know people with ADD who also are avid readers… but then I hang with those types of crowds.

He still won’t read (Uses his ADHD as an excuse). He still wants things his way, even if what I’m doing is for me and the others, not him (I kinda think of him as a 2 year old this way) and he outright said he won’t compromise. So, I got it so it is tolerable, but still searching for another job.

Pretty sure those things aren’t part of ADHD… I get having to move around and getting distracted by noises is–hyper sensitivity, but those are just him. I hope I’m right.

Oh and my Aunt and cousins and friend surmise he might be bipolar, though they haven’t met him either.

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