Help with Impulsivity

[darktendril]

I was wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with impulsivity?

I am on medication, which has been helpful for attention issues, but I have not noticed any change in my impulsiveness.  I make spur of the moment, sometimes expensive decisions constantly.  Either I see something awesome in a store or online and I need to have it, or I decide to start yet another project around the house (though I haven’t yet finished the last 5!) and rush out to buy the supplies, OR I suddenly get inspired to take up a new hobby/sport/book/whatever.  What is worse is that despite my genuine interest in whatever it is, I have so many other unfinished projects and books that I could never do them all.  I often end up completely forgetting about stuff that I had been so excited to buy or do.

I also have an ADHD son who is just the same, and I get caught up sometimes in his impulsive whims and buy things for him too.  For example, we bought him a ukelele the other day lol.  He convinced me he was super excited to learn to play, and I am sure at the time, he was…..  however, next day, it is still in the box in his room.

I have tried making budgets and recording everything that I buy.. the longest I ever lasted was two weeks before I screwed it up and then just quit the whole thing.  It is a huge problem for me, as I often cannot even pay all of my bills because of this.

So I guess my questions are:

1)  Does anyone have any tricks to delay themselves with purchases?  I know I would buy way less stuff if I could delay my impulses long enough to think about it clearly, but just telling myself I need to delay doesn’t work, I get too wrapped up in the moment to even think about that.  Staying away from stores helps a bit, but online shopping gets me constantly.

2)  Does anyone have any advice on how to decrease constantly jumping around to different projects, books, hobbies, etc, before others are finished (or even started)?

3)  And finally, is there any way to actually decrease impulsivity itself?  Or am I just stuck this way forever? 🙁

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[allan wallace]

*gulp*

I was going to type in something profound, I really was, but I’ll just have to wait for somebody that actually has an answer or suggestion to solve the riddle, for I’m bloody useless…*runs away*…

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[kc5jck]

1. Not a problem, we’ve covered this elsewhere.  Check out my tips on buying and other responses at:

http://totallyaddconnect.com/forums/topic/does-anyone-here-have-impulse-to-buy-things/

2. I can’t help you about having too many hobbies other than to repeat something I read on here about too many hobbies become a chore and not something to enjoy,  .  .  . something to consider.

3.  I’d say your stuck with it.  And it is worse when you drink.  (I’m ADHD 60 years and counting.)

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Marcelyne, like any habit, stopping and thinking before you buy something takes time to acquire.  Even after you’ve acquired it, if it starts to get boring, you’re likely to slip back into your old ways.

After a lifetime (and I mean going back to when I was a toddler) of spending every cent I got as soon as I got it (and sooner, when I got my first credit card), I managed to become a saver…most of the time, which is better than “never”.

For me, it took finding a job that really suited me, and seeing that I had the power to decide how much I earned.  If I wanted to earn more, I could pick up a lot of extra shifts.  That made me really aware of how hard I had to work to earn my money, and, having earned it, I wanted to hang onto it and save up for something really special instead of frittering it away on whatever caught my eye.

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That’s another big factor:  a definite goal that you can chart your progress to.  For me, it was wanting to visit England again after 18 years.  I wanted it so much that, compared to it, all those things that caught my eye just weren’t worth the price.

I also got in the habit of writing down every penny I spent, and on what, at that moment.  That bit of paperwork forced me to pause and think before buying something.

And it was one more question to add to the ones I ask myself before buying something:
1) Do I REALLY want this, or is there something more important to save for?
2) Will I REALLY use this enough to make it worth buying?
3) Do I have enough money in the bank RIGHT NOW that if I were to pay in full, in cash for this item, I could do it and still have enough left in the bank to feel secure?
4) Is it worth the paperwork to add this purchase to my spending log?
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Beware of the ADDer’s “All or Nothing” way of thinking, because it can really trip us up.

Just because you “screw it up” once does NOT mean you have to chalk the whole thing up as another failure and not bother to try any more.  All it means is, you had a little “hiccup”.  And hiccups are annoying, but are no big deal.

If you can get in the habit of seeing those screw-ups as “hiccups”, it’s a lot easier to ride them out and learn from them.

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The “hobbies” thing is part of having ADHD.

Remember, the ADHD brain is driven by what’s INTERESTING, not what’s important.  A new hobby is INTERESTING!  But, once you get into it, and it starts to become hard, and there’s that pressure to finish it, it’s no longer fun.  It’s work, and work is boring.

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A combination of behavioural therapy/coaching (to help you understand and work with your ADHD) and meds (to help you build & stick with the good habits, like pausing to think before you act) can help to reduce your impulsivity—most of the time.

It’ll never be 100% of the time, and there will be “hiccups” (sometimes even “belches” and “farts”), but even being able to control it 20% of the time is better than 0%, right?

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[darktendril]

Lol Allan 😀  It’s ok, I’d run too

Thanks kc5jk and Larynxa!

I am really bad for all or nothing thinking, maybe I just need to keep trying..  if only someone found a way to turn real budgeting into some kind of fun video game or something, I’d buy that in an instant lol.  I (briefly) tried to think of a way to make budgeting less tedious, but couldn’t think of anything really

And I agree with what both of you said about the hobbies as well.  I thought I had a brilliant idea a couple of weeks ago, to list all the projects and hobbies that I was still interested in, and just pick a couple to do right now, and not start any more until I finish those… only now I feel like I have to do them, and so I don’t want to as much anymore lol.  Maybe I should just try to stick to cheap or free hobbies and projects.  Then if I lose interest, it won’t matter so much 🙂

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[sdwa]

You probably don’t want to hear this…but my best way to avoid impulsive spending is to not go shopping. At all. Or if I go, I go with my husband, leave my wallet at home, and make him go through the check out line. Having him around makes me less likely to go overboard, because his physical presence reminds me to cool it.

My experience with “hobbies” is different, though. I used to be an artist. It was like a job and sort of made me miserable, but I loved it, too. And when I find something that truly interests me, I make a long-term project of it, maybe up to five years at a time. I know a lot of stuff because of that. It’s just stuff no one else cares about. But I sure know a lot about it. And now I’m writing a novel, and I will finish it, because I’m hell bent on finishing what I started. I have read dozens of books on the topic, have written 1/4 and am working on an outline for the rest. If I do the outline right, I can be done in six months.

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[darktendril]

Unfortunately, I can’t not shop, or make my boyfriend shop for me lol..  I did however make another stab at making a budget, YNAB seems pretty user friendly and has a phone app.  I also returned two impulse buys that were still returnable (almost like free money!! :)) and unsubscribed to all shopping emails I got.  I am sure I am going to still buy some stuff I don’t need lol, but Larynxa is right, some control is better than none 🙂

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[darktendril]

I just have to add, I was fooling around with my son’s impulse-buy ukulele last night, and it is the funnest thing ever!!!!  And really easy to learn, I went from knowing nothing at all, to being able to play two songs (from Adventure Time lol) in about an hour.  I want to go buy my own uke now too… lol

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