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Hi, I'm new here and newly diagnosed: "Soar and Fail" So true!!!

Hi, I'm new here and newly diagnosed: "Soar and Fail" So true!!!2010-11-30T19:35:28+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey My Story Hi, I'm new here and newly diagnosed: "Soar and Fail" So true!!!

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  • #88656

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    …my whole life.

    Hi,

    I’m just putting myself out there. Wanting to be heard I guess and introduce myself. I’ve lived with ADD my whole life, but no one ever spotted it until I did myself. In my job (Speech Language Pathologist), I worked with kids with ADD/ADHD for years, and still never realized that was ME!

    I won’t bore you with my whole history, but I’m a classic case of missed diagnosis: Predominately Inattentive type, lots of hyperfocus, High IQ, not hyperactive, and a female. I’ve been labeled: “Slowpoke”, “Spacey” “Underachiever” “Gifted” “Social Butterfly” “Precocious” “Best Dancer in Centerfield”, “Precocious”, “The Weak link”, “Airhead”. Some comments that always stuck with me from teachers, etc. “Marches to the beat of a different drummer”, “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached.”, “You’ll be late for your own funeral” “I guess you didn’t inherit our German work ethic.” ” I guess you don’t care if ______.” “Wow that was great!Just think how great it would’ve been if you’d actually prepared/studied, etc.”

    I don’t remember who said it in the “ADD and loving it” video, but “Soar and Fail” pretty much sums up my life. And no one has ever understood why, including myself…until now.

    Even so, I’m still having a hard time accepting myself and “forgiving” myself. What I now know to be negative ADD traits, I’ve always thought of as character flaws in need of correction. Even when I’m able to accept myself for who I am, I am still frustrated that others don’t get me. I’m a really compassionate person who really cares about others feelings, but I know that my forgetfulness and disorganization gives people another impression.

    Right now, I’m feeling really sad, looking back. I’m thinking of the teachers and classmates who misunderstood me. The overwhelm, the guilt, and shame I felt in past schools and jobs. I took full responsibility for all of it. I believed it was all my fault and have lived my whole life trying to fix my character. Don’t get me wrong, I failed, but I soared too…and that’s what made it all the more hard when I failed and sooo frustrating and hard to understand. I believed what people told me: I could succeed if only I tried hard enough, cared enough, applied myself enough.

    Ok, enough venting for now. I love you people for listening…

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    #96662

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Hi supper Martha. same boat, but I have cognitve problems. i’m also a good person do anything for any one. But people just can’t handle me i’m in the middle of losing another friend. It will always be that way but I started to try and have friends like me. Just meet a lady with ADD plus cognitve problems. She never really made friends because of her speech problems that come with cognative problems. you feel it makes you look stupid because people are always correcting you in your speech. So when were are together she knows Im not going to judge. I realize that I have done alot of stupid things I did and said things I regret. But I always aplozie Cant spell that word.

    But some people arn’t nice people and not with the time to worry about. This is a disablity and I don’t want people in my life if they can’t handle it. I get hyper focus on things. I pissed of my next door neighbour because I decieded I’m going to build a nice fort for me and my grandchildren. I needed help the wind was bad and I was trying to get the beams up but it keep falling down. i would tell her young daughter to go home because it wasn’t safe here. So she complains to her mom who is my friend and she gets up set with me. This is my place. I took it down because I couldn’t get help but I had so much wood and palets i was a bucket away from looking like a redneck or a rustic truck away. But that is been my life, it is hard but animals and grandkids always love me. I’m always in shit with some one. But with getting the dignose it has help me to teach people about me. I have even lost my family on both sides. I make friends with people with ADHD and animals are my friends. I know people who don’t have this that are mean sprit and they have never said sorry. Im always saying it. But if people won’t accept it you don’t want them as freinds. Clamdigger

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    #96663

    billd
    Member
    Post count: 913

    Seems I have a lot more brothers and sisters than my parents told me about…………..

    high IQ, hyperactive, impulsive, indecisive at the same time, bore easily, miss half of what someone says when they are standing right in front of me talking to my face (I drift off)

    I’ve done a lot – I guess an over-acheiver. But is having 3 careers and what, 10 jobs since I was 16 a good thing? Not fired, I just kept “moving on”.

    I miss the first 2 or 3 words of a sentence when somone starts to talk if I’m not directly paying attention. Example, someone in another room, they say “so and so told me today that there was a good sale at Home Depot on abcxyz”

    I’m going to catch the sale part, and what the sale is on, and most likely, most of the time, where the sale is – but will miss WHO said it – because it takes a couple seconds for my brain to realize – hey, that’s directed at me, divert attention energies!

    So I ask the person to just repeat the first 2 or 3 words.

    Anyway……….. after all that – welcome to teh club..

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    #96664

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Good day to you or afternoon or evening, or whatever. :) I love smilies and I use them all the time. My web name is Digifan. I don’t know where it came from. It may have something to do with my fascination with electronics and all things that are technical and scientific in nature. I had often refer as a person capable of multitasking. I often find solutions to problems others seem to miss. I must be honest with you. I am not very talkative or appear restless. However my mind seems to bounce all over the place. My doctor had noted I am an innovert – new buzz word! – my term for internal hyperactive hypersensitivity. It came from years of mental suppression of my ADD nature. I was diagnosed with ADD in 2001. It answered a lot of my questions and in many ways, open many doors for me while closing others. :(

    Currently I am not in a relationship neither do I have many friends. I think this is the result of years of emotional and mental abuse starting with my parents. I had learned to bury my ADD nature and only now slowly learning how to release it and to use its advantages and disadvantages.

    With my medication I was able to keep a job for more than nine years. It is a new record for me. However I am growing restless and more resentful toward it. I must find a different career whee I could thrive with my abilities. This career is very difficult to find. I may have to create one on my own.

    I am not what you might call a leadership type. Nor am I a follower. Frankly I don’t know who I am. At times I can be very creative and original but I also have crashes as well. It is hard to know where and who I can turn to for help and support any more.

    Sorry about my ranting. I have a tendency of writing down my thoughts and feelings rather than acting them out. I had found writing is my outlet for my nature. What I couldn’t do is to put them into order and present them in such a manner so people would understand them is the ongoing challenge for me.

    So have a wonderful day wherever you are. I will see you next time. So to speak.

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    #96665

    billd
    Member
    Post count: 913

    >>I am not what you might call a leadership type. Nor am I a follower. Frankly I don’t know who I am. At times I can be very creative and original but I also have crashes as well. It is hard to know where and who I can turn to for help and support any more.

    Sorry about my ranting. I have a tendency of writing down my thoughts and feelings rather than acting them out. I had found writing is my outlet for my nature. What I couldn’t do is to put them into order and present them in such a manner so people would understand them is the ongoing challenge for me.

    <<

    Yes, I have another sibling! ;-)

    I don’t answer questions, I write books………..

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    #96666

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Billd don’t appolize here I have rant on and on myself. I can’t belive how many people are just like me. Cognitive problems that is the one that gets me. I had a rough life and bad upbring my sisiter and I were the hyper ones and we would get into alot of trouble so you surpress.

    And it did come out in bad ways when I left home., at the tender age of 14. It is rough but I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I thought it was just my sister with this add. Found out I had it also. About four years ago I decieded to try work again got fired or quite because I got pissed off. Lost every friend I made in the past four years. Before that I was a loner. So I fill my life with my grandchildren and I do art and I keep people at bay. I even had the garden club piss”ed of with me. I have lived in this small town of Chester I have more people who don’t like me than all my life of leaving home. But my grandkids love me. Sometimes I get down and I feel lonely but I keep going. I’m used of doing everything thing on my own. The meds have help me not lose my temper and get a bit more focus. Clamdigger

    I decied to try and get my grade 12 so I found i’m disruptive in class the teacher I get side tracted all the time. So will I was out Sue the conceller called from the resource center. So I think I’m going to get a talking to, about misbehaving. in class. Well that is my life but I keep trying to find ways to deal with things.

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    #96667

    trashman
    Member
    Post count: 546

    clamdiger,are you sure you didin’t have a younger brother ha ha. are story sounds almost the same. I think after time goes on making new friends gets harder and harder to do. I keep trying with not much sucsess. the problem seems to be reading what they are saying and thinking . I spend so much time interpeting things into things that I become my worsed enemy. so them after years ang years of this I am so insecure, I have become my worst enemy in my mind. I am a very happy go lucy until I think I here a negetive tone. it seems i get so defencive by getting loud and angry that i lose jobs freinds and people don’t want to even admit they know me so I have be come the dummy no one likes. Its funny under the work place thread and no one responded,my brain would run wild with that beating me up as we go. I know it does not mater and as long as I am com its ok well mybe I to open about my self but I think thats the only wayI can try to better myself. for me all I have is the future. just trying to make it better than the past.

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