November 2, 2013 at 8:23 am #122701
ScattybirdParticipantNovember 2, 2013 at 8:23 amPost count: 1096
Hi RichD33 – I know what you mean. I too got my PhD and whilst writing it was a struggle – or at least starting it was – it wasn’t difficult because at that point I enjoyed the work, I could work at night and at my own pace so I could have bouts of productive hyperfocus and bouts of sleeping to recover. The outcome was the same as for those who worked steadily, although they didn’t seem as exhausted as me at the end of it.
In contrast, my school grades were all over the place – boring stuff I guess.
But working is a whole different ball game from doing a PhD. With a PhD it’s one subject to focus on. With work, things fly at us from all angles and we often have to pace ourselves to fit the work patterns of others. It’s much harder.
When things go wrong my self esteem plummets and it’s hard to pick myself up. That turns into a vortex of self-destruct if it continues. I notice my colleagues don’t appear to find it so hard to pick themselves up again. I sometimes wonder how they can have such self-belief in their abilities. I have noticed that they have a better work-life balance than me. My lack of focus, erratic working patterns and lack of sleep because it takes me twice as long to do anything must play a role in having less self esteem. Just the fact it takes so long to do something that takes others minutes is annoying.
I am starting to come to terms with the fact I am me and they are them. Not comparing myself with them is beneficial. Realising that I am unlikely to progress any further up the ladder has been hard to accept because balancing that with motivation to do the job is difficult. However, in this current climate the motivation is trying to just keep my job rather than anything else. Sometimes I think I have bitten off more than I can chew and other times it’s OK.
Those at work with the high self-esteem also seem to progress because they ‘blow their own trumpets’ and it is infectious and others believe them. Maybe we should start blowing our own trumpets even if we don’t really believe it and see if the positive rubs off on us? We are all as good as the next person, we just need to believe it.November 2, 2013 at 11:57 pm #122715
blackdogMemberNovember 2, 2013 at 11:57 pmPost count: 906
No idea what my IQ is. I know I like to think I’m a genius. Probably more like very slightly above average.
But I have struggled constantly with both work and school. I have always worked in low paying trained-monkey-level jobs. It is frustrating because I know I can do the work and I know I can probably do it better than anyone else. But I just don’t seem to be able to actually do it.
Self confidence is a huge issue. Failing time and again makes it hard to believe in yourself. And I have never been any good at trumpet blowing.REPORT ABUSENovember 3, 2013 at 6:07 am #122718
ScattybirdParticipantNovember 3, 2013 at 6:07 amPost count: 1096
blackdog – same here. At my last annual appraisal my line manager commented that I don’t ‘sell myself very well’. So instead of taking the hint and ‘big-ing me all up’, I just grumpily said I shouldn’t need to because he should be aware of what I do and facts were facts! Oops.
I love the idea of blowing my own trumpet, but the people that do that at work are generally ar*es; although they do get promoted!
🙂November 3, 2013 at 1:58 pm #122724
RichD73MemberNovember 3, 2013 at 1:58 pmPost count: 3
Hi Scattybird and Blackdog,
(I like the names, makes me feel like I’m in dances with wolves). The confidence issue is central. The capacity for self-sabotage is rife for people with ADD. History has taught us that things don’t come as easily. We bury ourselves in the detail and miss the big picture routinely. It’s disheartening but attendant to that is the capacity to personalize comments you hear. We do need to sell ourselves or at least not jump to self-reproach the second something goes wrong. I have immediately taken responsibility for things that weren’t that bad or partly the responsibility of others out of a sense of misplaced guilt. I suspect that we are harder on ourselves and that others struggle too but cover themselves better. They are also genuinely more relaxed. Depression can be co-morbid with ADD, a fact with me. This pushes one into black and white thinking whereupon selling oneself becomes impossible. Maybe start with telling yourself when you’ve done a good job and should something not go to plan, recount all the time you commit to your job on a daily basis. That works for me. When I realize how much time I dedicate to getting the job done I forgive myself the glitches. I’m human, I can only do so much and, crucially, THEY’RE lucky to have somebody who cares as much as i do about getting it right.REPORT ABUSENovember 3, 2013 at 5:57 pm #122726
ScattybirdParticipantNovember 3, 2013 at 5:57 pmPost count: 1096
LOL Rich – me Scattybird not Kicking Bird. 🙂
You are right. I feel guilt for so many things and that really wastes so much time. Mostly as you say it’s misplaced guilt. People I know that seem to have no feelings of guilt and don’t care about being people pleasers seem much happier, although they are not necessarily liked. I guess there’s a halfway house we should aim for.November 4, 2013 at 2:05 am #122727
EvelynParticipantNovember 4, 2013 at 2:05 amPost count: 164
Wow did you hit a hot topic.
I so fully understand where you are coming from. I was running my own magazine, but it never really had a chance. I got all the brakes, support, and advertisers for the first issue… with my sister’s help! She had to go home, back to Saginaw. She was my ad sales staff.
I couldn’t even give away the copies I had printed, they sat in my back yard as I scrambled trying to make myself sell ad space, line up interviews, and build the second issue. Everything fell flat. I kept at it though. I beat that dead horse until I threw the last bundle in the trash with the realization that I was no good at sales, or distribution.
I have friends begging me to get the magazine going again, but I know better. I know I don’t have the resources to sell or distribute it. Even if I did now, I was so devastated by that failure, It would take promises signed in blood that I would get the help I need… no it will take more than that.
I guess what I really want to say is I know how you feel in some small way, even if I don’t know your full situation. But with understanding your strengths and learning about how your ADD presents in your life will start to give you new paths and tools to either work around, or work with your weaknesses. Eventually you will start putting together your own strategies that work for you. It’s all confusing and overwhelming, but the moments of clarity, and purpose start stringing together and before you know it you have a time frame to work with 15 minutes, 20… 30… sometimes I get 45 minutes before I have to take a brake.
I have a strategy of 30:10, 30 minutes of labor, 10 minute brake. It doesn’t work in every situation but in the tasks where I can get wrapped in details and hyper-focus it works very well. Of course I have to remember to start my timer… the oven timer is my buddy, at least I can’t lose it. It has an obnoxious beep that sounds off every 15 seconds till you get up and physically push the button. I can hyper-focus through about 2 or 3 minutes but it wears me down and pulls me out of it, heck, the “other half” of the battle is standing up which you can’t help but do just to shut the blasted thing off.
I start with the 10 minute brake. when the timer goes off I set it for 30 minutes and start my task. Sorting tools, sorting papers, and painting the walls, dreadful jobs, that are less of a problem when I use the timer.
For dishes and other tasks of short duration I use 5 and 10 minute intervals. In those situations I’m always bringing myself “back to the task” I tend to wander away about every 2 or 3 minutes. So I need a tighter reign on myself.
With writing and draw programs on the computer I use the 30:10, but internet the 5:10 or 10:10 it works sometimes it’s getting better.
I don’t know if any of this will help you, but maybe you can find your own time ratio.
I have a very long list of skills, I had to write them all out in one document (multiple pages) with all their pertinent info, dates, and descriptions; I did the same for schools, and references. I have a big folder of personal information that I take with me when I’m looking for a job, or have to fill out paperwork. I’d be so lost without it. I have the standard resumes too, but they always want you to fill out an application with the most relevant info to the job you are applying for.
It also helps if you start making out a list of the things that occupy your time, good or not so good, take some weeks to do this one the broader the range the better. Patterns will start to come to the surface, at first you may see negative ones, just keep going, other patterns will start to form too. Be loose with it, details are ok, but set your timer so you don’t hyper-focus on them.
Okay, that’s it for now. I have a hyper-focus date with my pillow.
High IQ and you can't market or sell a product or youselfShadow Nexus2011-10-29T06:46:29+00:00
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