Holidays… I hate holidays. Does anyone out there like them?

[billd]

>>I am not a happy person in crowds. <<

Understatement……….

The neuro-psych doc person explained a lot to me in his diagnosis, and subsequent discussion of same.

He said I don’t connect well to people, and prefer being alone much of the time because of this. He said my wife was a very rare exception – that I did for some reason seem to connect with her on a deeper level, that I lacked that ability in most other cases. He could not explain why I was able to form a bond with her when I wasn’t able to otherwise form such bonds. Not that I could be a hermit, but I didn’t require constant human interaction, just in short bursts, limited times and durations.

“social-anxiety” he said played a roll in that. In a way I’m sort of like my youngest son – lack of “empathy” with humans overall. I connect much better with animals (specifically cats!), humans, I can take ’em or leave ’em as he put it.

I think that all comes into play with the holidays for me – however, I do feel a bit closer to some people then and seem to make exceptions this time of year.

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[Just_Nemo]

I try to understand people but end up saying “I DON’t GET IT!!!” but cats I get…..sooo…..I guess I’m that crazy cat lady.

Well ehh can’t be that bad right? hee he RIGHT!!??

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[trashman]

that’s great the cat at least loves you for who you are.

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[billd]

Agreed cat=love.

Yawnie says hi

http://www.dickerson-design.com/images/cats/yawny-3.jpg

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[Just_Nemo]

*Pet kitty* HI Kitty

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[billd]

Yawnie smile and purred.

BTW – that kitty in the pic by my name is Koko. He looked really serious and mean as a kitten – he had that “I’m plotting to take over the world, get outta my way” look, but his face as well as his brother’s face, has changed and they now have huge curious wondering eyes and expressions that make you really wish you knew what was going on inside their heads. Pickle and Yawnie smile a LOT.

(Pickle on the right, Yawnie on the left in this one)

http://www.dickerson-design.com/images/cats/Pickle-Yawnie-007.jpg

And Yawnie will let you know how he feels sometimes – don’t take it personally……………… here, he’s expressing his opinion:

http://www.dickerson-design.com/images/cats/yawny-tongue-7.jpg

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[Anonymous]

I am of the opinion that the majority of Americans, ADD or no ADD, really don’t enjoy the “Good Old Extended Family Christmas”. Saturday Night Live did a HILARIOUS sketch about a Dysfunctional Family Christmas almost twenty years ago, and I laughed so hard I choked on the soda I was drinking.

Truth be told, I’ve always believed that what makes Holidays so uncomfortable for those of us who live with ADD is the fact that those without it are much better at pretending they are enjoying themselves. Societal norms require that we all put on a happy face during annual family gatherings, but seriously, what makes any gathering of relations so special that we have to pretend that everyone is just wonderful, when on the other 364 days of the year, there are so many deserving relations that really need to be told to go to heck, given a map on how to get there QUICKLY, and then have the gates to HECK locked behind them.

Your mileage may vary, but that has been my experience

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[Anonymous]

Oh, if you like kitties but live with a bunch of dog people (she raises her hand and squeals “ME ME, CALL ON ME), dachshunds are GREAT kitty substitutes, and they totally “GET” ADHD and Aspergers. Great little therapy dogs and companions

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[Anonymous]

Is Yawnie a tom? I LOVE big red toms, but hubby is allergic, hence the dachshund!

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[Anonymous]

This thread certainly resonates with me. I usually feel much better NOT going to a family gathering than going, now I realize it’s more common than I thought. I always used to go, and feel worse when I left, never quite knowing why. In later life I realized that I had lived several hours away from my parents and siblings for more than 30 years, and it’s no wonder that I have difficulty connecting with my siblings once a year when we’re supposed to pretend we have a close family relationship. I was starting to feel like Scrooge here with my negative comments about Christmas and holidays. What kind of a relationship can I manufacture after that length of time? It seems very false to me.

bill said “I don’t connect well to people, and prefer being alone much of the time because of this” – my therapist said something like this to me, now I understand what he’s getting at. I don’t really do well at social gatherings, especially work-related. I can talk shoptalk, but am totally frozen when it comes to any other type of conversation. I guess part of it is because I don’t watch tv, sports or listen to the radio, so some of the common things people talk about are off the radar for me. Social anxiety?

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[Patte Rosebank]

What makes them so horrible for me is that my mom insists on doing all sorts of things that require so much effort (and of course everything has to be PERFECT), not because they’re fun, but because we’ve always done them. If I didn’t take over the responsibility for the turkey, she’d still be getting a 25-lb. Utility grade bird (missing a few bits) for our family which now numbers four, and getting up at 4 a.m. to start cooking it. It’s all just so much chaos and so much pressure to squeeze everything in and make it all perfect.

Someday, I hope to have a Christmas in which we only do things because we WANT to, not because we HAVE to. Ideally, I want to just go to a remote cottage where it’s just me and a fireplace and lots of snowy nature all around. My dad and brother think it would be wonderful to have a Christmas like that, somewhere other than at home—in another country, even. But Mom won’t hear of it. She still goes on about the year we had New Year’s in the Caribbean. She insists that it didn’t feel like New Year’s Eve because it was in the Tropics. (Though for me, it was a lovely New Year’s because I sang in a talent show and afterwards, danced with a young millionaire who’d also sung in the show…)

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[Carrie]

I too hate them! Like many of you already said… Cant stand all the spending for no reason, it should be more than just toys and decorations blah blah blah! Too much going on… too many people! I have decided to tell people I am a Jehova Witness… only on holidays, so leave me alone!

They only really stress me out because I put them off and am lagging waaaaaay behind! Makes me feel like a terrible parent that I just cant get into that “Holiday Spirit”. My kids are at the age now to know whats going on and my daughter bugs me and bugs me “mom! Where are our decorations? Everyone else has them! We need to decorate!” BLEH! I was never one for those things! That means I have to buy this, or make that… and that takes effort and planning, and then I need somewhere to put it for the summer… and thats just more clutter that will be unorganized and that I have to pack around! No!! Please no!! But then I need to think of the children right? Its not about me, its about them… I like lights… I will do that. But the tree? I have four cats! Please! It was lucky to stand more than a half hour last year! ugh ugh ugh!

And yes… Family get togethers… I get along fine with my family… Well my immediate family. When we have all our cousins and my dad invites all his friends and the list goes on and on… Its too much to handle… How do I deal with it? I have a recipe! Take some ice cubes in a nice tall glass, add 1/3 Pepsi, and 2/3 Crown Royal! mmm mm mmmmmm! Soon the night is super fun and you dont have to remember it!

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[Anonymous]

I hate the obligation to see everyone in the family at Christmas. I enjoy catching up with family, but I dislike having to choose who to spend Christmas day with – Mum and her side of the family, Dad and his wife, or my in-laws. I work shift work on top of it all, so it’s rare that we can fit two “get-togethers” into the one day either (and I dislike the rush/stress of doing so as well). I also don’t like the fact that everyone feel obliged to cook traditional Xmas food. I do not like plum pudding and brandy sauce!! Or turkey. What is wrong with something quick and easy (or cheap) for the poor family who ends up hosting Xmas meals and supplies more food than the rest of us do and gets stuck with the clean up!! At least our house is usually too messy, so nobody suggests having Xmas at our house lol!!

Our Christmas tree only went up today, and the kids were the ones to put it up. I like having a tree, but hate having to organise it.

We decided, as a family (Mum, brothers, aunt, uncles, grandparents, and cousins), to put all put money into a money box at Cristmas time and then donate it to a charity that we agree on, instead of buying everyone in the family gifts. Only kids get gifts, and my two are the only ones young enough to still get any from the family. But the kids are the ones who go with my mum to donate the money (if possible), so they have seen how much it’s appreciated. They have both donated their own money at times, which is great. And we can put in whatever we can spare, as it’s anonymously done, so our money situation can be taken into account each year.

As for Christmas presents for our own kids, I read a great piece of advice that actually works. Tell the kids to write their Xmas list. Then you go and price each item and write the price on their list. Then tell them how much they can spend (our kids were young when we first tried it, so we told them how much money we were giving Santa to “buy” their presents, or how much Santa was able to spend on them, or something similar – I don’t remember exactly what), and ask them to select how they want to “spend” their allocated money. They will generally come in under budget, and will learn the value of money over the years, and how far it doesn’t stretch!!

We have done this with other things too. Like when we go out to a special event – we allocate a budget for the day, and then work out how much we each get, and how much goes towards entry costs, bus fares, parking, etc. Then we give the kids each their part of the money (in cash) and tell them that that is their allocated money for souvenirs, food, rides, and whatever, and they get to keep what they don’t spend. They always both come home with money unspent, but if we do not do it that way, then we would get pestered to buy food, drinks, and everything else, and usually end up going over what we had budgeted to spend.

Also buying a gift to give charity (our local shopping centre has a Xmas tree to put presents under) gives the kids an idea about how quickly costs can add up without it looking like you have bought much.

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[Patte Rosebank]

I find all that “Buy Buy Buy” frenzy absolutely disgusting.

In the past, homemade gifts were appreciated more than store-bought ones. I just saw a charming show called “The Victorian Farm Christmas”. The people who live & work on an actual working Victorian-style farm in England demonstrated how the Victorians who lived on a farm (or were poorer) made presents…from the blacksmith who made a door-knocker, to the ladies who made lavender sachets and even dyed the ribbons to tie up the presents (no tape back then!). They used plants for the pigments, and the colours were dazzlingly bright.

As for me, I still remember the Christmas when Mom gave me a beautiful “Alice in Wonderland” dress she’d made for me…and a doll in a matching dress she’d made. And the Christmas when she gave me a ballerina doll in a tutu she’d made. And there were two Christmases in a row when Mom’s present was a dress I’d made for her. She wore the first to a New Year’s Eve dance that year, and dazzled everyone.

So it doesn’t all have to be store-bought. You just have to plan ahead and work on it a bit each day. Not the easiest of things for us, but it *can* be done!

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[Anonymous]

That’s interesting, Larynxa.

My dad lent us a DVD which talked about the traditions of Christmas, much of it is from Victorian times (and paganism, I think, where they celebrated tree spirits by decorating them, this evolved into bringing a tree indoors). The tradition of an indoor Christmas tree was started by Queen Victoria. Apparently there was an inexpensive postal service so people started to send Christmas cards around the same time. Many of the Christmas scenes on cards these days remind you of that era. It was a really interesting program, just didn’t finish watching it, of course!

All of the advertising and hoopla surrounding Christmas (and most other holidays) is designed to make you want to have that experience, that normal people have that experience, that you should give to others, charities, etc. and that you’re a grinch or a scrooge if you don’t. It’s quite powerful. No wonder we feel like crap if we don’t buy into it. I prefer to give outside of holidays when my mind (and the malls) are much clearer 😉

KrazyKat, I like your idea of helping your kids understand more about giving to others in need and the importance of budget and living within your means, that’s a great way to start them off in that direction.

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