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December 15, 2010 at 1:41 am #88804
AnonymousInactiveDecember 15, 2010 at 1:41 amPost count: 14413I love to watch tv at night as I’m going to bed. In fact, that noise in the background is really necessary for me as I lay there trying as hard as I can to quiet down my thoughts. For the past year, I’ve slept on the couch downstairs almost every night because I haven’t gotten around to asking someone help move the other tv into my upstairs bedroom. After 10 months or so of procrastination, I finally tackled it and got the tv hooked up. Since I didn’t yet have a cable box, I could only access a few channels, and one of them was the local public tv station, doing a fund drive. Guess what they were talking about? Oh, the irony.
I’m 39 years old and this is the first time I’ve thought about the possiblity of having ADD. Oh, I’ve known something has been wrong since I was a child, but always chalked it up to a lack of personal control, laziness, etc. More recently, I spent a lot of time reading about bipolar disorder, cyclothymia, etc. It just never made sense to me, though- I don’t have manic periods. They are more like periods of high functioning. I hyperfocus sometimes- in emergencies (whether I’ve created them or not), fun activities, video games, new activities.
I’ve soared and failed so many times in my life. After so many years of doing just that, I carry deep inside me a solid sense of confidence that I will eventually ruin everything good. I believe that friends, lovers, employers (once they REALLY get to know me) will see me for the fraud I am, and realize that I am all talk and no action. That somehow, my inability to follow up on the small details, erases all that is good about me. It’s not just the things I tell other people I am going to do- it’s the goals I’ve made for myself that never get followed up on. It all waits for me inside my head, a dark mass of reminder that I’m not succeeding.
I can’t express at this moment how excited I don’t want to let myself get! The thought that I could start to chip away at all of this guilt and confusion, and begin to understand how my mind works, is so amazing. I can’t wait to learn more, and I’m so happy I found this place. I took the quiz (9/9 across all subsets) so the next step is to see a doctor. I’ll post updates as I go- just wanted to introduce myself.
REPORT ABUSEDecember 15, 2010 at 2:46 am #97869
AnonymousInactiveDecember 15, 2010 at 2:46 amPost count: 14413Welcome aboard, El Bandito! As I’m reading your post I’m thinking, that’s me! And I’m sure everyone else here will think the same! You’re not alone, my friend, us ADDers are all in the same boat!
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