How to help kids with ADHD. Impose order or help them work within the chaos?

[Tiddler]

Is attempting to impose a linear structure on school children useful? Should teachers and parents be helping children do one task, finish it, then do the next task etc or is it better to let them flit from one to the next and back again, and help them hit deadlines within their way of working?

I don’t have a preference at the moment. I have noticed that the more I try to shove myself into a linear pattern the more I struggle but maybe that’s because I wasn’t helped to do it as a child?

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[kc5jck]

I think imposing a linear structure on ADHD kids would be like trying to teach a chicken to swim or making a left handed kid write with the right hand. Understand the child, then teach the tools and skills to best utilize their strengths and help them funtion their ADHD best.

If the kid is not ADHD, then teach the kid the benefits both of linear structure and of “our way of doing things.” Show the benefits and pitfalls of each. This way, the child can choose the best method for the problems at hand. It would be an excellent opportunity to give the linear thinkers an understanding of ADHD and the problems we face.

Explain how an ADHD person can often handle a crisis, where there are multiple problems to be addressed simultaneously, better than a “normal.” person. Sort of like how a superhero or captain of the Starship Enterprise can do.

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[nellie]

Tiddler, On the one hand, as you say, we don’t think in a linear fashion but on the other I truly we believe we need some sort of structure. We often work well to deadlines – probably because of the adrenaline rush mind you. Nevertheless, it still is a form of structure. The problem I think is that the tasks we got bogged down on are often muliti-stepped so we never finish them.

When I feel in control, that is not to many things to do that are late ( ok that almost hardly ever happens to the extent I would like!) it is because I have a somewhat linear structure in my day. I am diligently using an agenda to schedule things ( to do’s not just appointments) or my day goes to hell in a hand basket quickly. Since I have more to-do items than I do appointments I have found it crucial to structure these with an assigned time. If i make just a list forget it – far too much freedom to procrastinate. My add brain can’t make that mental leap that a linear thinker would to follow an order until completion. I also need to remember to look at things in steps – which in essence is analyzing the structure – in order not to be overwhelmed by them.

So yes I do think we need to have structure and to find a way to incorporate it into our ADHD lives in such a way that it works for us. Just saying we can’t is a cop out.

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[Scattybird]

This is excellent advice nellie.

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[Anonymous]

What works….or has worked??? I guess simple simple simple is my mantra. Reduce the distractions……reduce distractions in my daily routine, reduce decisions, choices and the activity that surrounds them.

For a start, I keep my daily living activities as routine as the army……… every detail I can. My partner thought I was just a control freak……..well yes…..that’s one way to look at it. I guess??? I find if I keep my daily functions to a strict pattern it frees me to better deal with floating activity. I went so far as to eat the same thing for lunch (my brown bag) everyday. One wholewheat peanut butter sandwich and an apple. Simple….always keep peanut butter in the house (big tub), wholewheat bread (buy 3 at a time) and a bag of apples. Result, never consider lunch EVER again……never go to work empty handed EVER again….always high protein diet to push me through the day. I usually put those things back on the shopping list as soon a they are 1/2 down…..at my leisure.

I know it doesn’t sound like much but think about it…..never had a lunch decision to make again….EVER, very nutritious and predictable…..very freeing. I also buy only black socks…….really!!! I buy at least a 2 plus weeks supply at a time…. never have to match them up they are all the same….never have to make any choice of what to wear……get a hole in one put it in the drawer…a mate will show up in time. When the sock pile is getting low…drop the pile in the wash…….good for another 10 days. Same with undies….at least 10 days worth, they are cheap……Never think about it again!!!!!

I re-fill my truck at 3/4 of a tank, never an issue…just over 1/2 tank is getting low (yikes)…..so it never ever goes below 1/2 tank. I never have to stop for damn gas just when I’m in a hurry and can’t afford the time…….EVER!!!!

Our grocery shopping list is done “by meals”…simple. So then, the only choice is which meal today…….reduces shopping stress and meal choice…..buy what you like to eat and it’s no problem!!!! Everything you have you already like…..voila!!! Sit down for 10 min. every week and make a new shopping list for the fridge…..10 minutes once a week or so is better than standing in front of the fridge so long you get frost bite!!!

Look, I know this maybe appears weird but think how many of those things one could streamline like that. These are not monster fixes, not any one of them but all together……wow very freeing. Not only are many things taken care of but the thought process surrounding them is also now mindless rote activity….tell me that is not seductive!!!! I’m free of so many bonds that detracted from my day, life!!!

Hmmm…also we never shop for one’s of daily products……mostly three or more. Down to 1 or 2 of whatever it is left…. back on the list……list is on the fridge ALWAYS. With a pencil on a string tied to the fridge handle……

Oh ya all the clocks are set 10 minutes fast too……that may have more to do with my partner’s habits than mine. Hahahahaha….

I know this isn’t amazing shit….but think about it. How it kicks off the day and how as the day flows, it just does….it flows with so many things that I never EVER have to decide or even consider. Setting up kids is no different…simple simple routine that is easy to follow, it will become rote for them……gawd even Pavlov could get his dog to do it!!!

Look for routine opportunity……not all at once maybe…. little by little bit by bit……..same way you eat a double decker bus.

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

Just my opinion….. but that is not imposing linear structure….it’s providing tools for life management.

I’m just sayin’………

Toofat

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[Tiddler]

Toofat, that is smart! Really – the amount of times I’ve been on the motorway with a nearly empty tank and a panic on. And I wear odd socks almost every day. And the lunch box – just so straightforward and…and…well, bloody wonderful!

I could use that to help not just my disorganised boy but the kids I work with too. Not the socks or the pack-up bag or the petrol, but the core principle – how to make things simpler.

Just that.

I know I’ll forget this and I know if I write it down I’ll lose it but one day I’ll find 2 black socks in my drawer and I’ll realise I’ve actually made a pair and I’ll suddenly remember and maybe just a little of that mindset will seep into my life and things will be a little easier.

Cheers!

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[Tiddler]

Also, re the eating a double decker bus – a friend saw me in a panic about the Big work I have to do over the next couple of months and he said similar – it’s like eating an elephant – one bite at a time.

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[dspicelady]

Ahhhh, Toofat….you know me well! I too, eat the same things for breakfast and lunch. Unfortunately, my hubby likes variety, so dinner is different evey day (but not weekly…monday=chicken, tues=pasta). I have found that strict routine in some areas is amazingly freeing.

PS. My socks are all gray!

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[Bill]

I’m watching both my children like a hawk. I have told them about my steps and mis-steps, my achievements and my failures. They are going into life with eyes open (at least on this issue). I wouldn’t say that my wife and I imposed a linear structure. She is more structured than I (ya think?!) and made sure they had time management and study skills. I worked with them on direction, i.e. imagining what they could do in this life. I listened to their interests and encouraged them to experiment and give things a good try.

One of them shows signs of ADHD, but is also thriving in a high pressure environment with lots of support (and deadlines), so no medication or coaching to this point.

As far as children go, I think your best strategy as an ADHD parent is to learn as much as you can about what works for you and what doesn’t. If you solve the riddle that is life with ADHD, then they will learn more from you as a role model than they ever will from a linear structure.

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[Anonymous]

Gee Tid……nice thing to say, thanks, but….. maybe, necessity is the mother of invention!! That process does work for me anyway…..funny but if you take the time…the list is huge of things we DO/USE every day. To knock the thought and surrounding activities down on that list to just rote routine action gives you a lot of life back……to drift. Actually kidding aside, a bit of routine seems to creep into other aspects of life as well……nice ancillary benefit.

Bill/ Tid…as for kids…. my ADD 27 and 30 year old are doing well and have adopted some of that thinking….they are fine and very well adjusted. True Bill….they learn and adopt more from what they see us do, than they ever will from what we say!!!!

Dspice my partner is a sixties hippy and likes variety too, and has a very “oh well” kind of take on structure……but also came to embrace the idea of being free of mundane drudgery…..mental or otherwise.

Toofat

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[Author]

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