How to succeed in a marriage when one spouse has ADD

[Anonymous]

@bobmcdougall Thank you! I have ADD and my husband is the linear thinking one. We will be celebrating 20 years of marriage in May and I can honestly say that we are still together because of God. My husband spent the first 15 years enabling my ADD instead of helping me take responsibility for it and I spent it in denial and depression because I just wanted to be “normal”. When life hit rock bottom we discovered a support group called Celebrate Recovery. Going through the 12 step study helped us to work through my depression and codependancy (in the beginning I said I was recovering from ADD also, Now I know it is not a “curse” but a part of me to be embraced) and my husband worked through enabling and other issues also. We have the most awesome marriage!! I am medicated properly and I accept my ADD and embrace it, we have developed tools for day to day life that include God being in the picture and my Blackberry (my life is in that phone, keeps track of appointments and numbers, etc.). My husband is amazing and has accepted that we will never have a spotless house and I will never be good with money, yet I have many amazing talents thanks to my ADD! I love and accept myself for who I am!

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[Anonymous]

Hi! I’m a brand new member. I’m in Love with someone with ADD, I just found this out a few days ago. We have been apart for 2 1/2 months now, I.m sad to say.

He gave me this site to go on. After hours of watching Dr. J’s, and Bill’s Addventures, The first thing that came to mind was,”I wish I knew then, what I know now.” “I wish I understood, what I understand now.”

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[Anonymous]

Lovely post Kathleen, I will soon get married and will share this post with her

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[kc5jck]

Fairyttailteller – I am reading a book “The ADHD Effect on Marriage” I’ve been married 25 yrs. I’m less than halfway through the book. Your wife to be needs to learn about ADHD and you both need to read the book. I can guarantee it will be worth your time.

Most of the problems the book presents, my wife and I are now experiencing and have for years. ADHD problems are not ones that come and go, they come and stay, one piling on top of the next, until addressed and resolved.

We were clueless until a diagnosis of ADHD. Now we are on our way to dealing with years of unresolved problems.

With your diagnosis and some knowledge from some of the excellent sources available to you, you should have a much easier time. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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[Anonymous]

kc is right about that book (by Melissa Orloff?), I ignored all of the other books my husband had, and even his suggestions that I might have ADD, but when I borrowed that book from the library and started reading it, the light went off for me and I realized we both needed to do something about it.

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[Anonymous]

thanks kc, just knowing that there is someone who has gone through it all and is there is in a way sort of relaxing, I bought that book & gave it to my mother to read ( so she knows more about this next phase of life I would be entering and what problems would it entail and also know more about maybe herself and my fathers relation) but what I fear is that even though I would and even my partner would get to know about a lot of the adhd potholes but still we would in a way fall into many of those and also I feel why put someone else through all that when they could very easily marry someone else (normal responsible adult maybe not as kind hearted and creative but still living with them would be much more smoother) I know no matter what I do ups and downs rollercoasters this is going to be the way my life would go …………… by the way do you take meds for it? have they helped in the long term? and I often think what kind of a partner is best suited for someone with adhd ( my criteria are “affectionate” & “kind” & also “organized & calm & patient” “

In India we have a system of arrange marriage more so than the love marriage thing, the doctor I saw told me not to disclose my adhd thing to the girl atleast too soon as that might put a label firstly and maybe scare her that I have some mental condition or sthg ; though I wouldn;t want that so ya suggesting this book might help, even after reading through it if she feels we can work it together – that would be great and feel moe honest to dive in such a relationship ……..

Thanks again kc , I will order another copy of it for myself.

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