I knew there was something not quite right and I've been searching for an answer

[Anonymous]

Hello All,

I’ve just registered here today but I have been searching for a possible answer to my “square peg, round hole” syndrome for years.

Let me give you some background.

– I’m current 57 physically but my brian’s suck at 30ish (unless some intelectual snob decides that I’m not good enough bc I didn’t complete post secondary). Then I can revert to a 10 degree Dr. just to prove a point and then go back to funnery. (one of the most difficult things for me is to be serious. I can see funny stuff at funerals)

– Poster boy for “the problem child” growing up but it might have something to do with losing my Mother to divorce when I was 8 Adults forget that when they whisper “he doesn’t have a Mother” from 10 feet away a child’s yet unfettered ears can hear them. So was i ADHD or just seeking anonymous attention?

– My memories are a blurr of one death cheating act after another compounded by soft substance abuse since my late teens. So was i ADHD or just seeking anonymous attention?

– I did very well at sports that didn’t require forethought bc I had good co-ordination and instinct but was subsequently labelled “the dumb jock” and hated it.

– Very creative but persued a business career for approval from my Dad. BTW he was physically abusive back when corporal punishment was OK. His “dicipline” was just a bit over the top, that’s all. So was i ADHD or just seeking attention?

– Washed out of University after a year and a half.

– Went to community college after a few years- incomplete.

– I’ve had more jobs than an onion has layers and with each new opportunity I had this sick feeling in my gut “When are they going to find me out?” Usually took about 1-2 years.

– I heard “you have so much potential” for as long as I can remember followed by ‘you’re just a lazy ass” very shortly afterwards by the same person.

– I have a soft sustance abuse issue (still to this day but not as bad as when I was younger) with pot and booze. Not that I can’t say away (and I do) but if I feel like it and I induldge, more often than not my “off switch” is busted. Prone to extremes again.

– Many things that come very easy to me are envyed by most but for some reason they’re not as importnat as the things I can’t do like everyone else.

– blah, blah, blah freakin’ blah.

I have coping mechanisms that I use like electronic daytimers and the like and I meditate daily which helps tremendously with impatience and frustration issues. I’ve read (yes, I read. It may take me forever but I read) literature on everything from behavioural phsycology to Eckart Tolley’s book describing how the entire world’s problems can be solved if we learn to ignore our egos.

I could go on and on but now even I am losing interest.

So am I ADHD or just seeking anonymous attention?

I’m a dry sponge in an ocean of advise waiting for your soaking.

Simoski

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[Anonymous]

Hi Simoski and welcome to the forum! There are a few things that I’d like to comment on in your post here (they may not be in order – at all in fact LOL)

“Seeking anonymous attention” is normal. So is ADHD. Well, maybe it isn’t “normal” per seh, but you’re not abnormal or weird. In fact, if you are ADD/ADHD, you’re one of the Gifted in my opinion.

Please, whatever you do, try not to look back in regret. Only forward in hope. Upon being diagnosed, you’ll likely go through some emotions about a whole lot of WHY’s.

Meditate??? What’s that? Is that like sitting silent and emptying your mind or something? I heard of that. Then it was quickly drowned out by channel 1034.

The best thing to do Simoski is seek out some help. Get a referral from your family Dr. After I was diagnosed, I got on meds and although things are not totally “right” all of a sudden, I have hope where there was none previously.

I wish you luck in all that you do!

PS. Everyone here is VERY supportive and helpful so you’re among friends here. And we’re open late. LOL (I have no affiliations with any kind of retail business)

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[Jimi]

Simoski,

If you think you may have ADHD go to the Workshop hosted by Rick Green and Dr.J, It is February 27th at the Science Centre in Toronto

Here is a link to the event:

http://totallyadd.com/totallyadd-events/

Also, here is a video Rick made on it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tQDfQKU2UY

Trust me, if you think you have ADHD you will find this Workshop very helpful

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[Anonymous]

Jimi to Bishop 72

If only Jimi was the name of a chess piece that would have been hilarious. LOL

Thank you both for your input. I’m already doing (have but don’t eat every day) the meds from my MD. The 24 hr ridalin (can’t remember the clinical name) Frankly I can’t feel anything when I do take them. Is there supposed to be a feeling like headache relief after Tylanol? Like there’s no actual feeling, at some point you just realise your headache’s gone?

Then I went to see an homeopath who (by her body language and look on her face when I told her that I had them) seemed disgusted (sp maybe) and suggested that I eat Gaba instead to get rid of what I call “the all day I just just got out of bed feeling” but all they do is make me feel speedy and when I come down I’m cranky so I stopped taking both. LOL

Bishop – I’ve taken 4 lengthy tests not including the one here with Dr “bet he can’t play basketball” J and supposedly I AM adult ADD However in my quest to find answers I have discovered many contrary opinions from many very learned scholars, so who’s right? Or maybe this one of those cases where there is no absolute right or wrong, just another opportunity for some to postulate.

Here’s what I do know. At this point in my life I need to discover what it is that is preventing me from using the gifts that I have been given to provide for my family without struggle, NOW! I’m running out of time and I’ve never been happy except for brief episodes….. forever. I can’t do this any more and ……………enough said. BTW, Meditate, yes! It takes practice (I almost said focus but ….LOL) Initially try concentrating on your breathing only, in, out, in, out. and try and do that without wandering for 17 seconds. It’s OK to wander. Just notice that and come back to your purpose. Then expand to 34 Sec, and so on. Trust me, if I could do it you can too.

Jimi, already booked and paid for bud. Hope to see you both there. I imagine that they give you name tags (it just seems like one of those events) so i’ll get them to put “Simoski” on it so you can recognise me.

Cheers,

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[veronica]

dude, i’m so sorry to hijack your post here, but….

BISHOP!!! i’m so proud of you. do you remember how you were feeling about two weeks ago? http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=90 dude, what you posted here…. wow, you are so positive. *beaming with pride*

Simoski, i can see you are a “like to write/tell stories kinda guy”. you not related to my ex-step dad are you? hahahahaha, you “sound” just like him. i would say that view on this is, “At this point in my life I need to discover what it is that is preventing me from using the gifts that I have been given to provide for my family without struggle, NOW!”… you’re at an age right now where you feel very vulnerable and weak. you’re looking back on your life and all it’s failures and you are trying to come to terms with it all. it’s getting more and more difficult for you to just “get over it”.

perhaps it’s as simple as you not facing things…. not conquering the things that you’d always set out to do, but never did. b/w the ages of 28 and 32, you go through a life’s “crisis”. if you get through that, your next is in your 40’s then again in your 50’s… pretty much every time you turn a decade older. how you come out of that time in your life (where your snow globe is shaken a bit), determines how rewarding you feel your life is. it’s like that for everyone, it’s just that some people go through that time period feeling more confident… they’ve learned something, they move on… not doomed to repeat those failures, but us– it’s different.

unless we’re emotionally ready to come to terms with absolutely everything…. no time is a good time. so at this point don’t tell yourself that you need to find out what it is that is preventing you from using your gifts, but rather “am i prepared to do whatever it takes to make this cycle stop?”.

it’s a lot to deal with this “late in the game”. i believe that thought is what is actually holding you back… and is preventing you from answering the preparedness question.

ok, that was a rant.

be well.

~v

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[Anonymous]

thanks for the rant V. I understand what U R saying and I am prepared and though continuous learning am still preparING for whatever comes. The frustration of time wasted, undiagnosed and misguided gets to me some time though. I’m usually a pretty positive person. Knowing what I (and you) know now, looking back at what I HAVE accomplished, I’m proud.

“I can’t remember where I was or how I got there but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world” LOL

Sometimes though, I wonder, given that I had to work twice as hard as I actually needed to (bc of ADD) just to be a bit better than average, it would have been nice to have been diagnosed and treated 20 years ago. Then again, who knows. I’m exactly as I was meant to be at this moment in time.

BTW I may be a bit obtuse but isn’t “am i prepared to do whatever it takes to make this cycle stop?” vs “I need to discover what it is that is preventing me from using the gifts that I have been given” pretty much the same as “you say tomato I say tomauto”? LOL

Simoski

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[veronica]

Simoski wrote: “BTW I may be a bit obtuse but isn’t “am i prepared to do whatever it takes to make this cycle stop?” vs “I need to discover what it is that is preventing me from using the gifts that I have been given” pretty much the same as “you say tomato I say tomauto”? LOL”

i suppose so… hahahahaha. but i also wrote… “it’s a lot to deal with this “late in the game”. i believe that thought is what is actually holding you back… and is preventing you from answering the preparedness question.”

the thoughts of “it would have been nice to have been diagnosed and treated 20 years ago” are what’s holding you back, sim.

i was diagnosed 12 years ago and was in denial. i was not emotionally or spiritually ready for the journey as i am now. so to me it made now difference other than being more mature now.

tootles!

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[Anonymous]

Thanks V, I understand wht U R saying.

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[Author]

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