I think I screwed up. Again.

[chinhaeflower]

Just finished my first final and I’m just…so…ugh, tired. And scared and disappointed and freakin’….I don’t even know. Mostly just so tired. And tired of being tired.

I didn’t even study is the worst part. I had three glorious days of free time that the teachers purposely gave us to study and what did I do with it? Hole up in my room and read fanfiction until 3 in the morning. Was I avoiding responsibility? Yes. Do I want to fail? No. Why did I do it? I have no f***ing clue, I just did. Do I think I’m gonna be a good nurse after I graduate? …..s***.

I don’t know, my brains foggy and I’ve got all these ideas that keep flashing by and I only recently started therapy and she only said I have characteristics of ADHD cause she’s can’t diagnose it and I don’t know if I even want be diagnosed cause that’s expensive and I don’t know if want medication cause I’m usually okay, but I just…..ugh, I don’t even know anymore. I need a nap. Or even better to freaking get my butt in gear and start actually studying. I have another final tomorrow and I’m just……so f***ing guilty but I don’t even know if I’m gonna go study after this.

Will someone just…give me a virtual slap upside the head and tell me to go study? Cause I really do want to be a nurse even if I don’t act like it and someone just needs to shove my head in the right direction right now.

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[wiredonjava]

Honey, it’s okay. Please don’t beat yourself up for being human. Stress can overwhelm at times. Maybe you need to step outside yourself and be the loving parent to the child you are inside? I know it sounds weird but what encouragement and care do you think you need to feel able to succeed? Be kind and don’t criticize. Reaffirm with positive statements, treat yourself to favourite meal, rest then go for brisk walk. You know you can do it and deserve the very best!

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