I'm already a liability, should I tell them?

[carolann]

I’m 42 and just had a “holy crap” moment, realizing that I identify with so many ADD traits that it’s overwhelming and I cannot believe I never seriously considered this was even possible before. I’d joked about it the way some people do when they don’t know what ADD/ADHD is. Because I didn’t. I’m flabbergasted. And relieved? Sort of. And anxious to learn what I need to do to address it and maybe get a glimpse of what a normal life might look like. I know it’s not a switch that can be flipped, but just the potential that something can be done is exciting.

But I’m also terrified. I had this “holy crap” moment because I got in trouble at work. Big trouble. For doing something that – in hindsight – I can NOT believe I did, or that I ever thought it was ok. The write-up was vicious (and deserved), and the counseling that came with it referred generally to times I’ve done stuff like interrupt someone in a meeting (that I was leading and the person I interrupted – who I adore – was just making the same [invalid] point for a 3rd time. When I run a meeting, I can’t stand when it goes off the rails. Guess what, though? That person I interrupted and I adore…also has ADHD. Hilarious, right? I never understood what that meant until now). I always thought I was just a passionate, blunt, impatient occasional jerk. And I hated myself for how that played out with others sometimes.

So I stayed home from to take stock in myself. I sat down and googled, “Help: I have no filter.”

Long story short (which I am not generally capable of, so trust that this could be longer): I found a forum (not this one) where someone was wondering if PTSD contributed to his lack of filter and someone else suggested maybe ADD. The exchange that followed led me to search ADD symptoms. I was absolutely floored. This is ME. All day, every day, to the extreme. I’ve found my people! I found answers! The list of things I identify with is literally too long.

I called my dr. and I have an appointement for screening Monday. There’s absolutely no way I’m not ADD. But if this screening rules that out, I’m going to ask for screening for insanity. Because there’s no way I’m not one of the two.

Anyway, here’s my condundrum: Assuming I am on the right track and my suspicions are confirmed, do I go back to management and tell them? When I was counseled, it was made very clear how thin the ice is that I’m on. I have to meet with my supervisor weekly, and I can NOT make another misstep. They did say they don’t doubt my loyalty to my company and passion for my work. They know I’ve taken us to the winning position we currently enjoy (I’m good at what I do, that’s not the issue), but they hammered home the need for me to fix this IMMEDIATELY. They are not playing. I am a leader and manager where I work. Until now, I think I got away with as much as I did because of how indispensible I’ve made myself and I didn’t know my impulsivity and lack of filter were anything more than a personality flaw. On many of the other traits, like organizing and timeliness, I’ve worked incredbly hard and really done better. I have spent YEARS just pushing through, pretending I had it all under control. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry right now.

So if I come back to them and tell them I think I figured out why I did what I did (and some of the other things I do), I could be setting myself up as a liability (this last thing I did resulted in complaints to corporate – albeit from a jerkwad who has an agenda, but I can’t control other people, I can only control me and I screwed up). So they’ve already had to weigh liability and even though the jerkwad is in the wrong, they probably can’t go after them for violations of company policy because I did what I did and it weakens our case).

If TL:DR: I’m a liability already. Will telling my employer I now know why I did something stupid and that I deserve a chance to try to be better without worrying my next even minor infraction will be the end of the job that I love?

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

Check the Videos page.  There are a couple of free videos about it. David Giwerc (founder of the ADD Coach Academy had the ideal (and very clever) way of doing it.

He didn’t mention ADHD at all.  He just pointed out that he excelled at selling, and could increase his sales by 40%, if he had a helper to handle all the paperwork, so he could devote all of his time to what he did best.  It worked even better than he’d promised. He MORE THAN DOUBLED his sales!

To sum up:

1) Make it a business proposition, with clear benefits for your employer.

2) Focus on your strengths and what you need to improve them.

3) Use real numbers, so everything is measurable.

4) Don’t mention your ADHD.

5) Get in the habit of always presenting possible solutions whenever you present a problem. My dad taught us this, from the time we were kids.  This way of thinking makes an employee much more valuable.

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