Impulse and sound judgement

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have any tips or tricks re: impulsivity in the workplace.

Today, for the umpteeth time in my life, I was told I have trouble with “filtering”. For me, it’s kind of a kick in the shins because I’ve done a lot of work on that filter thing, especially recently. Now that I know it is impulse-related, I can work on it. I’ve started to wait and breath before responding … I write things down.

Just trying to figure it out because it draws my ability to exercise sound judgement into question. I’m in this executive track position and … well… if I can’t nail this kaput, again.

Thanks.

Thanks.

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[shutterbug55]

Who am I to give advice?

All I can say is what I do.

1) I never reply all.

2) I never answer an Email with the first “Version” of a letter I write.

3) I edit, re-edit, and sometimes I have a trusted work-friend look at what I want to mail.

4) I read it again after waiting at least 30min. (I set a timer)

If it passes all of that, I close my eyes and with my heart in my throat, I hit “Reply”

Meetings are tough for me. Especially when we are trying to “Brainstorm” something. Yea right. I have a “brain-typhoon”, a “brain-hurricane”, “brain-tornado”. I only wish it were a brainstorm. In those meetings, I take notes and with the other 15 threads of thought say to myself “Keep your mouth shut… Keep your mouth shut…” and pray the clock is moving quickly.

Hope this helps.

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[Anonymous]

thank you. thank you very much.

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[Anonymous]

Hi G……. filtering? Can you give up a little more, for instances……. more specific. Glad to lend a hand but need more info…. I’m retired but spent a lot of time dancing in front of the Exec. (Pres & VPs for approvals, that was my life)…… maybe I can share some stuff that worked for me.

toofat

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[Anonymous]

Well toofat … I sometimes just blurt what I am thinking out. It’s an impulse. It’s hard to give an example because it is a time/ place thing. Also, I babble at times when speaking.

To that end, I am learning the power of pausing, asking questions instead of making statements, and writing down my thoughts in a meeting.

For emails, I am on rapid fire. I mean — that is the way I am wired. I will often write a response without reading it often enough. I really like shutterbug’s suggestion of using a timer before sending an email.

A friend of mine who is an ADHD coach (a handy thing to have isn’t it) offered me the following advice:

“Impulsive responses — in person and even in email — can go awry pretty fast, can’t they? Breathing — both real and metaphorical — is very powerful with ADHD. Keep at it! Think about trying to create some self-talk to ‘cue’ you to (literally) breathe in and pause before responding in stressful or contentious situations. If you’ve ever done any yoga, think about the calming effect of slow, powerful deep breathing through the nose. Take some time when you’re just banging away at your keyboard to pay attention to your breath — note how it affects your level of mental and physical tension.

As one of my coach colleagues who’s fond of alliteration says, ‘the power of the pause is profound.’

I’m sure you’re capable of excellent judgement in things that are important to you. But with ADHD we’re wired for ‘snap’ judgement — even when it’s not expected of us. Be aware of this, and ensure you have the time you need to make sound decisions. Never be afraid to say ‘I need think about this; I’ll get back to you. “

Breathing. Pausing. Practicing mindfulness not just talking about it.

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[Anonymous]

Well giastorm…… from what I see you have a good working tool list there. We do excell at those things we practice so stay on them!!! Taking notes in place of talking (blurting) is always good…….. I also understand if an idea was good at the time…. it will still be good in a few minutes……… and at times holding a thought, and/or making the note and then reflecting a moment will often actually produce an even better response. Easy to say may be harder to do eh????

I did take a course called “Active Listening” one of our HR teams required seminars for Managers. I won’t get into to details this is not the place but, I found that skills required to really “Active Listen” gave my noodle…… a good bit of activity. Active listening also put me in the present……. and helped me stay there. It is also somewhat interactive, or can be, and gives the speaker a real sense that your are with them. I did post some info on that process on the site here somewhere can’t recall where exactly right now….. very basic stuff…. but anyway…you might look into that. I know the process worked well for me in the workplace and in social situations as well. Nice thing about that tool is you can use like I said socially….which allows you to experiment and practice and take the initial mechanical sound out of your conversation until it becomes natural. Now that I think of it, I still use active listening…. it has become a part of my conversational tool kit. It actually drove my partner nuts for quite a while until it became natural for me…. now I think of it, it even helped in the partner/relationship department.

Hahaha…… e-mail (sorry I had to laugh), yes often wished for a un-send button but nope!!!! I had a good work mate whom I trusted… and would get them to look over my e-mails before I sent them…… if they were a little “hot”, I made sure to have a second opinion. Edit Edit Edit….. easier than unsend!!!!!

I do understand the “snap” thing but I believe it can be over come……. I did it, god knows I’m no whiz! Like anything else practice, practice practice and staying aware. Active Listening may just help……..

My counselor told with two ears and one mouth you would think it is easier to listen than speak…..hahahhahahaha.

toofat

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[keeso]

When I’m in a meeting and I remember to write down what I want to say, then I get almost the same relief as saying it. The first time I did this, my boss told me how he thought I was writing down profound things – because I’m highly regarded for my problem solving ability (I have a technical job). It made me smile. For me, writing down things on paper helps me to filter what I choose to say – and when I choose to say it. If it still looks profound in a few minutes, I can say it then. Most of the things I wrote down didn’t need saying – but I didn’t lose track of those that really needed saying.

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[Anonymous]

Thanks Keeso!

An update: I started a new job in a place where diversity is respected. It requires a great deal of political acuity so I am focussing on mindfulness mostly. Luckily, it is also a place that celebrates mindfulness.

I am writing everything down and I realize that I have to just be quiet and listen. I’m trying not to interrupt… Trying. And I apologize if I do which I notice makes a big difference.

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[Author]

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