In my 50s and starting to wonder

[sarah]

I’ve had enough counselling over the years that I figure if I had “something” it would have been pointed out by now and I’ve always just considered myself to be slightly Asperger-y. My daughter asked a while back about herself and a couple of friends have just been diagnosed… am I just trying to fit in?

Growing up I was forever pissing off my abusive solo-mother for fidgeting, I was a tomboy and that suited her, I was forever being told to go outside. At school, I did really well in the subjects that interested me. In my final year, I went boarding at an exclusive private school which gave me personal freedom for the first time in my life. I’m not sure I used it well, I certainly didn’t social climb successfully. I was the good girl who turned up for class, didn’t play up. I was also the girl who hid from bullies in the library most days, who would read a book to avoid looking friendless.

I went to Uni and drifted about, took an extra year to get through, suffered badly from depression. I would drink, but avoided dope – when I did smoke it I’d feel incredibly sober, like all the alcohol I’d drunk that evening was cleared out of my system – and I hadn’t wanted to end up like my sober self. That wasn’t the plan at all. I’ve read about adhd people self-medicating and I now wonder if I should have tried it before I’d had a skinfull?

It wasn’t until I went travelling in my 20s (did you know you can drift into international travel?) that I discovered my love for the IT industry. I did sports (badly), was incredibly passionate but preferred sports that not many women did competitively – surfing, ice hockey, mountain biking.

I married and have 2 adult children. I’m not a great wife, I’m more interested that the toys in the garage are ok, than the house. My husband thinks I’m skatty and is endlessly frustrated by my inability to follow through on my promises to “be better”. He makes plans, has long term goals, I don’t, I can’t imagine what I’d want in 10 years time. I joke that I don’t have tattoos because nothing is as permanent as the tattoo would be. I avoid school reunions because I feel I’ve failed to meet my potential.

I have few real friends because I don’t trust people (that’s a nurture thing, not adhd). My husband thinks I push people away and scoffs when I explain that I don’t measure up, that people are just kind and polite. He likes to watch tv in the evening, it drives me nuts to just be sitting. He doesn’t understand the playing on my phone, the crafts, the needing to do something else.

I get migraines, not bad, more like a headache, every day, all day. I can control it with meds, but I can’t stop it. Being busy blocks them out, quietness makes me mindful of them.

I don’t particularly want a “label” but if it meant the meds would let me be a better version of myself then I’m prepared to try. I found “Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS-v1.1)”, the questions seemed ridiculous, are there people who don’t check the grey boxes?

My next step is to call my doctor and get a referral. It’s a scary step and I’m not sure if they’ll think I’m ridiculous at my age to be asking these questions.
Has anyone else waited as long?
How did it go?
Were you treated with respect?

• This topic was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by sarah. Reason: adding detail

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[That Guy with ADHD]

Hi Sarah,

I thought I had it at 52 and was diagnosed with the combined subtype of ADHD at 53. While I have yet to find medication that works for me I can at least put a label on it and try things that don’t require a doctor (i.e. Diet and excersize). The doctor that diagnosed me wasn’t surprised at all that I was there as he had seen many people our age come through and test positive. I can relate a great deal to what you have been going through with the exception of the reading part as I also have dyslexia which has made it challenging to read especially long texts or novels. I don’t have any close friends anymore. They drifted away as I got married and started my family. I also suffer from a low self esteem and I don’t know how people would want to be with a loser like me so I don’t try. While I know I have been sucessful in my life I can’t shake the feeling that I am not living up to my potential. I hear people tell me I am wonderful and smart but have a hard time believing it. When I mess up I would say I’m sorry but after a while people start thinking that I don’t realy mean it because I inevitably do it again. I also suffer from episodes of depression like now. I also was treated by psychologists and physicians who tried to help me for many years but did not see the signs of ADHD. I went through two group sessions on CBT which I found helpful but soon after the course ended I would drift back into my old routine. The way I see it if I do nothing I am doomed to continue as I have in the past. If I embrace the diagnosis and accept my condition then I at least have a chance at a new normal. Does that make sense?

I think being tested is a wise decision and wish you all the best.

Your Friend
Richard
AKA That Guy with ADHD

• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by That Guy with ADHD.

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[sarah]

My GP was awesome. Listened and said she had 2 key criteria – is it impacting on my relationships and my work? Yes to both so referral given. A month to the specialist appointment.

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[That Guy with ADHD]

That’s Fantastic,

I’m happy for you and I’m glad your wait to see a specialist isn’t very long.

Best of luck.

Richard

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